Hillary Clinton
Related: About this forumHi, SDs! It's me, Bernie!
Dear Super-Delegates:
My name is Bernie Sanders, and I am a Democrat well, currently kinda, sorta.
Anyway, I am running on the Democratic ticket, and I assume a lot of you are not endorsing me because you dont know me. Thats okay most people dont. Even though Ive been all over the news for a year now, I still like to use the nobody knows me line as an explanation for why I am not winning.
I am writing to let you know that despite being hundreds of delegates and millions of votes behind Hillary Clinton, the truth is that most people want me to be the nominee. If you look at the on-line polls, youll readily see that I am way more popular than she is. Just because her supporters actually go to the polls to vote, that shouldnt be taken as some kind of sign. A bird landing on your podium while youre speaking now thats a sign. But having more people vote for you shouldnt be given more weight than it deserves. In fact, it shouldnt be given any weight at all.
I know that I started my campaign saying that super-delegates are undemocratic and shouldnt be allowed as part of the voting process. But once I started losing really badly, I realized how wrong I was. Quite frankly, I think all of you guys are great Democrats and outstanding patriots, and should be completely free to totally ignore that much-touted will of the people bullshit and vote for me instead.
I appreciate that a lot of you are a tad upset about the threatening emails and phone calls but that just goes to show you how passionate my supporters are. If they call you vile names and say obnoxious things, its just their enthusiasm coming through often couched in terms like youre a f*ckin moron, or why is your head shoved so far up your own ass? Ya know, these millennial kids they tend to use colourful language.
People say I havent been vetted. This is not true. Despite the fact that nobody knows me, everybody knows Im a great guy. But if you feel you need more information about me, I can provide whatever documentation you require and whatever records are not available are clearly due to my wifes incompetence.
As you are no doubt fully aware, there are polls that confirm that I am the strongest candidate when it comes to beating Trump in November. The fact that I cant beat Hillary in the primaries should not be taken as an indication of anything - other than that primary voters are incredibly stupid and should never be listened to by anyone.
When you ignore (as you should) people who vote in red states, Confederate states, southern states like New York and Ohio, and all the other states where Ive had my ass kicked, it becomes abundantly clear that Bernie Sanders is the Partys best hope of beating the Republicans in the general election.
Much has been made of the fact that my campaign, supporters, and surrogates have regularly accused Democrats of being corrupt, self-serving, lying whores who have banded together in a nation-wide conspiracy whose sole purpose is undermining my bid for the nomination. But for the sake of unifying the Party, I believe it is imperative that we just let bygones be bygones, and forget everything Ive said in the past.
And so I appeal to all of you to do the right thing and rally behind ME, Bernie Sanders, the man who couldnt win the primary but can win the general election without breaking a sweat. Really!
BootinUp
(47,165 posts)Cha
(297,323 posts)beaten you in the Democratic Primary. You remember her? Hillary Clinton.. she's ahead of you and trump.
The big problem, BS.. is that I know you all too well.
Mahalo, Nance~ Well Done!
barrow-wight
(744 posts)You really just put it right on the line there.
ProudProgressiveNow
(6,129 posts)eastwestdem
(1,220 posts)Can't you tell when an old guy is kidding?
NanceGreggs
(27,815 posts)... just don't have a sense of humour.
lamp_shade
(14,836 posts)Koinos
(2,792 posts)A very clear and logical rendering of the absurdities of the Sanders campaign.
Cali_Democrat
(30,439 posts)Awesome.
Number23
(24,544 posts)and showing their undiminished enthusiasm! Remember, boys will be boys!
All that "blacks have a plantation mentality" and are "low information voters" stuff isn't unvarnished racism that could come straight outta Rush Limbaugh's mouth. It's just excitement! The kids are just showing how enthused they are! And what true blue liberal doesn't really deep down inside believe that John Lewis isn't a sell out has been?
So my campaign has attracted some of the most unhinged and revolting people in the American voting public. Gross people need a campaign to support too! They're just showing how excited they are! What's a few death threats and felonies between friends?? I'm sure those super delegates whose info my supporters posted online LOVED all that extra attention!
Besides, that one black guy that was a Hillary supporter did something bad and he was BLACK too! Surely, one insane -- and BLACK -- Hillary supporter TOTALLY makes up for the hundreds upon hundreds of psychotic Sanders supporters that have ruined the Internet, and Democratic conventions, and Democratic rallies, and social media, and people's mailboxes, and cell phones, and landlines, and people's places of work, and their homes, and their emails??
Tarheel_Dem
(31,235 posts)Number23
(24,544 posts)That #berniemath is some shit, ain't it??
Hekate
(90,714 posts)MarianJack
(10,237 posts)...isn't it just WONDERFUL that there are now "Democrats" who act just like the teabagger movement? That's because of ME!
You're welcome!
Love, Back Bench Bernie!
PEACE!
liberal N proud
(60,336 posts)Father or the Teabaggers-left
MarianJack
(10,237 posts)...yuck!
I am DONE with Back Bench Bernie for good!
PEACE!
FrenchieCat
(68,867 posts)murielm99
(30,745 posts)Thanks for posting.
rbrnmw
(7,160 posts)this is spectacular
all american girl
(1,788 posts)riversedge
(70,242 posts)....And so I appeal to all of you to do the right thing and rally behind ME, Bernie Sanders, the man who couldnt win the primary but can win the general election without breaking a sweat. Really!
Number23
(24,544 posts)been nailed.
Anyway, I am running on the Democratic ticket, and I assume a lot of you are not endorsing me because you dont know me. Thats okay most people dont. Even though Ive been all over the news for a year now, I still like to use the nobody knows me line as an explanation for why I am not winning.
She killed it in THE FIRST PARAGRAPH. And it only got better from there.
auntpurl
(4,311 posts)"Super delegates are bad!" "No, no, wait, super delegates are awesome!"
"The Democratic Party is a corrupt bunch of corporate whores!" "No, no, wait, the Democratic Party should choose me as its leader!"
And they call us Camp Weathervane.
BooScout
(10,406 posts)Her Sister
(6,444 posts)PERFECTLY STATED! There's really no exaggeration. This is exactly what he is saying.
Thinkingabout
(30,058 posts)Then this would mean he won, huh. Especially those Southern states which deserves to be disregarded.
mcar
(42,334 posts)Loki
(3,825 posts)The nurse in me read SDT's instead of SD's. Funny how the mind works. LOL
livetohike
(22,147 posts)perfect!
SharonClark
(10,014 posts)SidDithers
(44,228 posts)Sid
Walk away
(9,494 posts)NNadir
(33,526 posts)Walk away
(9,494 posts)melm00se
(4,993 posts)Hi, SDs! It's me, Bernie!
http://www.democraticunderground.com/1107139595
REASON FOR ALERT
This post is disruptive, hurtful, rude, insensitive, over-the-top, or otherwise inappropriate.
ALERTER'S COMMENTS
Insulting divisive flame bait lobbed like turd covered hand grenade from a protected group.
You served on a randomly-selected Jury of DU members which reviewed this post. The review was completed at Fri May 20, 2016, 01:36 PM, and the Jury voted 2-5 to LEAVE IT.
Juror #1 voted to LEAVE IT ALONE
Explanation: In the spirit of the 1st Amendment, I cut political satire slack and this is definitely worthy of a whole lot of slack
Juror #2 voted to HIDE IT
Explanation: No explanation given
Juror #3 voted to LEAVE IT ALONE
Explanation: The alert is 100% accurate but leave it. This group is what is, the OP demonstrates that perfectly.
Juror #4 voted to LEAVE IT ALONE
Explanation: Disgusting abuse of the alert system. This post is in no way a violation of the TOS.
Juror #5 voted to HIDE IT
Explanation: No explanation given
Juror #6 voted to LEAVE IT ALONE
Explanation: It's IN the protected group. It's far more likely to unite this group than divide it. It's quite good, actually. And it's not really insulting - I see far worse written about Hillary in a typical GDP thread.
Juror #7 voted to LEAVE IT ALONE
Explanation: Creativity is always encouraged at Democratic Underground. The OP here is thoughtful and in good taste. Leave it, please.
Thank you very much for participating in our Jury system, and we hope you will be able to participate again in the future.
oasis
(49,389 posts)NurseJackie
(42,862 posts)In my opinion, that suggests to me an instinctive knee-jerk response to hide something based on the fact that the post was in the HRC group, or based on the identity of the author. They couldn't even bother to justify or explain the reasoning behind their vote.
A big "hats-off!" to those jurors who expressed their distaste or discomfort with the subject, but who were willing to be honest and fair regarding the fact that the OP broke no rules. Thank you!
TwilightZone
(25,471 posts)98% of it is representative of what Sanders and his supporters say all the time, and 2% was artistic license.
If this deserved a hide, might as well hide GDP in its entirely because 98% of GDP was much worse than this.
Bleacher Creature
(11,257 posts)See below. I'm very proud to be juror #4.
(And FANTASTIC post, by the way.)
AUTOMATED MESSAGE: Results of your Jury Service
On Fri May 20, 2016, 01:30 PM an alert was sent on the following post:
Hi, SDs! It's me, Bernie!
http://www.democraticunderground.com/1107139595
REASON FOR ALERT
This post is disruptive, hurtful, rude, insensitive, over-the-top, or otherwise inappropriate.
ALERTER'S COMMENTS
Insulting divisive flame bait lobbed like turd covered hand grenade from a protected group.
You served on a randomly-selected Jury of DU members which reviewed this post. The review was completed at Fri May 20, 2016, 01:36 PM, and the Jury voted 2-5 to LEAVE IT.
Juror #1 voted to LEAVE IT ALONE
Explanation: In the spirit of the 1st Amendment, I cut political satire slack and this is definitely worthy of a whole lot of slack
Juror #2 voted to HIDE IT
Explanation: No explanation given
Juror #3 voted to LEAVE IT ALONE
Explanation: The alert is 100% accurate but leave it. This group is what is, the OP demonstrates that perfectly.
Juror #4 voted to LEAVE IT ALONE
Explanation: Disgusting abuse of the alert system. This post is in no way a violation of the TOS.
Juror #5 voted to HIDE IT
Explanation: No explanation given
Juror #6 voted to LEAVE IT ALONE
Explanation: It's IN the protected group. It's far more likely to unite this group than divide it. It's quite good, actually. And it's not really insulting - I see far worse written about Hillary in a typical GDP thread.
Juror #7 voted to LEAVE IT ALONE
Explanation: Creativity is always encouraged at Democratic Underground. The OP here is thoughtful and in good taste. Leave it, please.
Thank you very much for participating in our Jury system, and we hope you will be able to participate again in the future.
Cannot reply to automated messages
Sheepshank
(12,504 posts)Never mind, or course I know which.
Little Star
(17,055 posts)workinclasszero
(28,270 posts)Proving the Sanders campaign is running on BS dreams by delusional people who still don't realize that they got their asses whipped by Hillary.
Sanders needs to get on his imaginary unicorn and ride off into the damn sunset ASAP! Like yesterday!
The bro army failed in its mission to destroy the Obama coalition thank God.
mercuryblues
(14,532 posts)How I have missed your OP's.
Gothmog
(145,321 posts)DemonGoddess
(4,640 posts)Well done!
Fla Dem
(23,691 posts)DrDan
(20,411 posts)asuhornets
(2,405 posts)Yo_Mama_Been_Loggin
(108,035 posts)COLGATE4
(14,732 posts)Sheepshank
(12,504 posts)Bernie has supplied the material, you did and awesome job with the rest.
katmille
(213 posts)Just logged on to DU(Hillary Group) and went straight to this. Awesome! Great start to busy Friday!
UtahLib
(3,179 posts)NastyRiffraff
(12,448 posts)One of your best, nance. And so, so true!
sheshe2
(83,791 posts)I needed a chuckle this morning!
Bobbie Jo
(14,341 posts)Spot freaking on!
wilt the stilt
(4,528 posts)SaschaHM
(2,897 posts)gademocrat7
(10,660 posts)MO_Dem
(2,358 posts)Thank you!
pnwmom
(108,980 posts)NNadir
(33,526 posts)Iliyah
(25,111 posts)Ya know all campaigns do have internet site readers.
Good read!
BlueCaliDem
(15,438 posts)TwilightZone
(25,471 posts)Nicely done.
Tarheel_Dem
(31,235 posts)nolabear
(41,987 posts)I'm up to HERE with Bernie. I hate to see a good man go bad. Or maybe to mis-assess a man as good, I don't know. But thanks for some much needed relief from the godawful sanctimony.
ismnotwasm
(41,989 posts)DesertRat
(27,995 posts)Pathwalker
(6,598 posts)Thank you, and is it okay with you if I print this out and place it on my frig?