What can I do about my manager?

[retrowire]

It's gotten to such a bad point of animosity between the two of us that I feel highly uncomfortable when he's around. It's a hostile work environment for sure.

If I approach him with updates on what I'm doing, he's apathetic, never looks at me, etc...

Sometimes if I try and explain what I'm currently doing he'll actually walk away during the one sided conversation and just go talk to someone else.

More often than not, he always gives me these hard glares if we pass each other in the hall or in the lab. I'll say hello and he is always silent.

It's basically the coldest of cold shoulders with him.

Please, any advice? This is a good job. I love the job, I just really, really wish I had a better relationship with my co-workers.

[Chevy]

1. Does he have a superior? N/T

[retrowire]

4. Yes and I've gone to him once before.

And that kind of helped. But then it went back to shit.

[Eliot Rosewater]

2. So much you are not mentioning that would help.

Who is male, female, brown or not?

Is misogyny or racism involved, in other words?

Union? Office? Retail?

[retrowire]

5. Welp

Both white males, him and I.

I'm 29. He's older, maybe late 40's.

No union. Basically office. I'm a repair technician, we work in a lab.

[Eliot Rosewater]

6. Thanks, I realize I was a bit of a jerk the way I said that.

So is it personality between you two, he gets along with others?


Are you better at your job than he is? Sounds like it.

If you talk to his boss and you are not protected by a union, you could be fucked. This will take some thought.

Feel out your access to his boss and would you feel comfortable going to them, assuming you have tried to find out why he is being a dick and he simply wont communicate.

[retrowire]

8. He pals around with others no problem.

Even though they talk shit about him behind his back. They can all be buddy buddy. But not me, just something different about me.

I have considered going to his boss again but, I'm hesitant because my boss actually confronted me in my review by asking "why didn't you come to me instead of him?"

Uhhh because you were the problem?

[bettyellen]

26. Take a look at Working with Difficult People - it's like a thesaurus of crappy

Work styles and has coping strategies for each relationship. It often gives insight.

[AJT]

3. If it's your manager that is treating you that way, and he doesn't

treat his other workers that way, then I would be worried about being let go.

[retrowire]

7. I've been treated this way from the start

So it's hard to raise that flag.

But I've been unfairly judged several times and that's the biggest concern.

Had my yearly review 8 months into my job and I'll never forget this line, "your first 11 months here were lacking but you've picked up in this last month"

Although, 5-6 of my first months were all training and again, I'd only been there for 8 months.

There are plenty of other incidents. One of which I went to a superior about.

[Eliot Rosewater]

9. If you dont have a "feeling" about why he has singled you out, then you cant

do anything that wont risk your job.

For instance in any work environment I would be the guy that you would not have to ask me what my politics are, while I would never bring them into the shop, it would be clear by the rainbows on my clothing, etc.

I would be the kind who would not respond at all, would walk away were the "N" word used or jokes told about minorities or women etc.

I could easily be someone's least favorite for a variety of reasons and am in fact, but that is me.

What if any behavour can you think of along this line?

[retrowire]

10. I think I'm singled out because

They don't know how to train. I'm the newest employee they've hired in 6 years and they don't know how to interact with a 29 yr old.

One co-worker has called me a tree hugging millennial on several occasions and mocked my intelligence. The boss acts like best buddies with that guy.

The boss himself has never crossed that line but he's confronted me in front of co-workers asking questions like, "have you accomplished anything today?" He always acts as if he's trying to catch me in some sort of act and I fucking hate it.

[Eliot Rosewater]

11. What kind of job is it in that are you fixing things?

Are you doing work where your day to day accomplishments can be seen and are obvious?

[retrowire]

12. We repair lab equipment

It's hard to explain but I'll try.

Co-worker A repairs type A equipment. Been here for over 25 years. Boss loves him and he's the guy who's insulted me.

Co-worker B repairs type B equipment. He's quiet but has been known to talk about me with the boss so, hostile work environment. He's short with words, but helpful.

Me: I am expected to repair type A, B and C equipment. Type C equipment is new and not even my manager is trained in it. It's shitty equipment and so newly released that it has bugs in it that the main engineers don't know about yet.

Needless to say, my manager does not understand the issue with type c equipment and can't understand why I can't just replace a part on it like everything else.

So when it looks like I've got 3 units sitting around while I'm emailing the engineers at HQ for help,it looks like I don't do anything. He's literally said (while I was sitting and observing a unit undergo a test) "I didn't see your hands moving so it didn't look like you were working"

So yes, he's making judgements based on stuff I am totally working on but doesn't look like work to him.

[Eliot Rosewater]

13. OK, because you are either doing it or you arent, too bad you arent union.

This is why employers dont want unions, a good example anyway.

So you are the youngster, it is assumed you think differently than they do and that alone makes them dislike and distrust you.

If his superior is no help and you dont have a union, you have two choices and you know what they are, the same ones we all have, stay or go.

I say stay and try and be part of the "gang" so to speak but not so that it is awkward or silly, if that doesnt work then nothing will probably.

[retrowire]

14. Try to be apart of their gang?

Like talk about how female co-workers look in certain skirts or how the weather lady on the news must be pregnant or how the male cohost is probably gay? Make lewd comments on women in general?

Or about cool guns and how target practice went? Skiing? Talk shit about upper management?

Talk about how "towelheads" are reaping the benefits of healthcare without paying taxes?

....

See why I'm fucked with that idea? Lol

[Eliot Rosewater]

17. Oh, like I said unless it is like this. If that is your environment then you are fucked.

You either suck it up or you lose your job.

This is exactly the way the business community wants it, and for these reasons.

People like trump or GOP in general viscerally HATE it when any employer is forced to do anything when it comes to an employee. just hearing about your situation is making me angry.

[FSogol]

15. If he doesn't want an update, don't give him one until he asks.

I say good morning to everyone and if they don't respond, screw' em. Their bad upbringing isn't my problem. Do your best work and stop caring what they think.

My 2 cents, unadjusted for inflation.

[retrowire]

16. Essentially the same as my wife's.

I just fear that their "bad upbringing" will have a bad effect on the perception of my job performance, in which case it is now totally my problem. :/

[Eliot Rosewater]

18. Plus the environment you have described is very unhealthy and if you are like

me you would find it very hard to work there much longer.

But, dont quit, try and deal with it and if you cant try and find if you have any legal outs.

[retrowire]

20. My wife wants me to stick with it.

But I have sanity to maintain. And self respect to boot.

Thank you for helping though. It helps getting more opinions.

[Warpy]

31. Start putting feelers out for other jobs

Think about documenting all the service issues with the Type C equipment. Your managers and superiors at HQ would likely appreciate a rundown of the problems that are keeping it on the repair bench for long periods while you're trying workarounds or waiting for additional documentation, yourself.

When your manager asks for an update, follow the KISS rule, Keep It Simple, Stupid since he's not going to hang around for details.

And as soon as you get another offer, get out of Dodge. We spend most of our waking hours at work, so it's just not worth it to be miserable there.

[FSogol]

23. I've found that younger people desire more feedback,

praise, and approval for their work. One young intern at our firm requested some sort of grade on his daily task.

I think this comes from the schools that are constantly giving feedback and progress reports. Older generations of workers aren't expecting this kind of oversight. We had an architectural intern (I'm a mechanical engineer in an AE firm) that was in tears because she turned in an assignment and no one gave her any feedback on how it was received. I had to explain that she didn't get feedback since there were no problems with the work and it was submitted to the county for permit. Had she gotten comments, it would have been on problems, omissions, or deficiencies that she would have had to correct.

I advise shrugging off crappy and uncommunicative supervisors. Have some faith in the quality of your work and don't worry about the social/personal side.

[retrowire]

24. Perhaps this is one of my issues.

All the silence is deafening.

But I do take issue with the unfair judgement that I mentioned in another post. That really drives me nuts.

[Iggo]

19. I've got one of those assholes here at my office.

Or, if you ask my co-workers, there's two of us.

My fellow cube rat finally pulled me aside and said, "You realize you two are basically the same guy, right?"

I hate when that happens!

[HeartachesNhangovers]

21. "Hostile work environment" has a specific definition

in the context of harassment of someone in a protected class (someone over 40, for instance). This is what the EEOC says:

https://www.eeoc.gov/laws/types/harassment.cfm

I was a union steward for many years. When people read this info, or the related state info (when a state has its own set of laws) they often feel they have a compelling case. My experience is that the EEOC (and analogous state agencies) will not get involved on your behalf unless you have a slam-dunk, headline-worthy case. What they typically do is review you complaint then give you clearance to pursue a civil case on your own.

Discrimination law is a legitimate specialty area of the law. Our own labor attorneys - who specialized in negotiating and enforcing labor contracts - did not practice in that area.

Unfortunately, even in states with their own anti-discrimination laws, even in a unionized environment, harassment claims are expensive and time-consuming to litigate, and unless you have an air-tight case with clear evidence of illegality, the outcome is uncertain.

I don't want to sound completely pessimistic, but after spending a lot of my steward time talking to labor lawyers and people who thought they had solid harassment cases, I haven't seen many cases to make me optimistic. The reality is that employers and managers have the upper hand, and they really have to screw up to be legally liable.

[Floyd R. Turbo]

22. Why one should always be looking for their next job.

As regards your supervisor and coworkers, document any/every instance of workplace hostility.

Don't be afraid to correct your boss if he is in error about your performance or duties. Not in front of other employees but via email. Always in a professional manner of course asking his advice on how you could have improved your process or outcome.

In the interim get your resume and references in order and start researching opportunities in your field.

Good luck!

[Fla Dem]

25. Have you tried to ask him if there is a problem?

If you're brave and don't think it could make matters any worse, why not ask him if you could have a minute of his time. Then just say. "I get a feeling from you that you don't like me, or I've upset you in some way. Have I done something to offend you?

You may not like what he has to say, but at least you've put him on notice that his behavior has not gone unnoticed. Or it just may clear the air.

Tough situation. You like your job but your boss is a jerk. I had a boss like that once. He was new to the organization and came in to shake things up. I was in upper mgt and he wanted to bring in his own people. Wouldn't give me the time of day. Went on for several month. Finally I did ask him if he had a problem with me. Basically said no, but he was there to change things and didn't want to get attached to anyone he was eventually going to get rid of. So I asked for a separation package and gave my 2 week notice. Frankly, I didn't like him either and didn't want to work under those conditions. I understand you may not have the ability to take such drastic action. I was scared to do it, not sure what the future would bring. But I would have had a nervous breakdown working under those conditions.

[retrowire]

34. Well the first time I went to his supervisor, it essentially opened up that line of communication.

We talked about it. He explained that if I were looking for a "buddy buddy hug" place then this wasn't it. I told him, "Yes, but that's not what I'm expecting so no worries."

It seemed as if a middle ground was found. But not anymore. lol

[HeiressofBickworth]

36. I had someone ask me that.

This was many years ago. I was a paralegal in a law firm; this person was assigned to our department's paralegals. She was dreadful. No experience in a law firm, no secretarial experience, no clerical experience. She had a college degree and majored in DANCE!! She rarely followed instructions and rarely got anything right, even if she did follow instructions. I had to continually correct her. One day, she came to me and asked that very question, "I don't think you like me. Have I done something to offend you?" I told her that I had no personal problem with her but that her work was seriously substandard, I was very disappointed in her performance and saw no improvement in her work over the time she had been with us. I told her, if it was up to me, I would let her go. It wasn't up to me, so I had to make the best of things. I told her that as a compromise, I would not give her assignments because it was more efficient if I just did it myself, rather than having to take the time to repeatedly correct her work. The other paralegals were no happier with her work than I was. But the manager kept her on. The last I heard of her, she quit our firm, and upon recommendation of the senior partner, went to law school!!!!! Never heard of her again. The next clerk assigned to our group was a perfectly efficient, technically proficient, lovely man to work with. We never had a problem with him. A year or so later, the management decided that us lowly paralegals didn't need clerical support, so he was let go.

This may seem to be unrelated to your situation, but I thought I'd share it anyway.

[HopeAgain]

27. Is your job in Jeopardy? Is he keeping you from advancing?

If not, my suggestion is don't worry about it. We all want to be liked and get a pat on the back for a job well done, but sometimes it just doesn't work out that way. The biggest waste of time I can think of is trying to make someone else think, feel or act a certain way.

I would strongly suggest a book called The Four Agreements by Miguel Ruiz.

[retrowire]

35. I actually own that book! Haven't read it though. Thanks for the suggestion!

I do fear his misjudgement will totally keep me from advancing though and that's very frustrating.

[HopeAgain]

37. Yes, that sounds like a very valid fear

but often all we can do is focus on ourselves. I'm still looking for a magic a-hole fixing wand, I'll let you know if I ever find it.

[vlyons]

28. I've worked in a few hostile work environments

It's time to have a frank discussion with him. Unless you're a real screw-up, he can't fire you without cause. He's probably pissed that you complained to his boss. Do you get annual or semi-annual performance reviews and do you have a formal job description with assigned duties that are measureable? Do you have work-career goals that are measureable? If you don't have any of that, then you need to get busy getting it.

I would start with finding out if your co-workers also feel that it's a hostile environment. Do your co-workers notice that he treats you poorly? When next you meet with him, ask him if he is displeased with your work. Ask him if you have done something to irk him. tell him that you want to have a good and congenial work relationship with him and all your colleagues. Tell him that you like your job, and that you like working for the company. Tell him exactly what in his behavior comes across as discouraging to you. Then if you don't have all the stuff I listed in the above paragraph, tell him that you want to work with him to develop a WRITTEN job description and career goals that are measurable. Part of a manager's job is to develop the skills of his direct-reports. So asking for this is reasonable and good business. Businesses want to retain and motivate employees. It's a pain in the butt and expensive to hire replacements.

Keep detailed notes on every meeting and interaction that you have with him. After each meeting, send him a follow-up email about what you discussed with attached documents related to your work, progress on projects etc. If he doesn't give you a written job description and goals within 2 weeks, then it's time to go back again to his manager. The important thing to communicate to his manager is that you like your job and company, and you would like to improve you skills and get some career advancement, so that you can add more value to your job. After that, tell the manager's manager your great idea for a written job description and career goals. That would also be the time to ask what is the company policy to pay for employees to take a job-related class or seminar somewhere.

When meeting with the manager's manager, I would downplay what a creep he is. Only if asked about the relationship, say what is not working - but in a more positive way. E.G. that it would be nice to get an atta-boy and a thank-you once in a while. And for him to encourage you and show some interest in all your great ideas and suggestions.

If none of the above works, then it's time to update your resume and start beating the bushes for your next great job. I once had a manager who told me that there were two wonderful days that all working people looked forward to -- the day you left your old shitty job, and the day you got your next great job.

Good luck!

[The Velveteen Ocelot]

32. It's not true that an employer needs cause to fire someone.

Unless there's a union or some other contractual arrangement, in most states employees are considered to be "at-will," which means they can be fired for any reason that doesn't violate an anti-discrimination law. So you can be fired because the boss doesn't like your necktie or your haircut or the way you chew your food or damn near anything else. The OP should probably start looking for another job. It's not clear whether his current job is in jeopardy but even if it is, the atmosphere is obviously unpleasant and at some point is likely to affect his performance. I'd get the hell out of there as soon as possible. Life is too short.

[vlyons]

33. I completely agree with you

Sounds like a dreadful work place, and I would be looking for another job too. But since he hasn't been fired already, he probably won't be fired unless he is a screw up. If the company takes a downturn however, and needs to lay off someone, he will probably be the first to go. Sounds like his passive-aggressive boss gets emotional pay-offs for putting him down and humiliating him before his co-workers.

[OnDoutside]

29. If there are other job options in your company, or city,

you might want to consider them. Life is too short for crap like that.

People can become institutionalized when they are constantly being put down and their confidence affected.

[Turbineguy]

30. Having read everything up to this point...

Have you considered others may perceive you as a threat? In that circumstance, the harder you try, the more threatening you become. You seem to be more versatile than others.

It's funny how that threat thing works.

[Generic Brad]

38. Sorry you do not feel appreciated

I have worked for some horrible managers in my life. I've seen managers commit physical violence, actively try to bring people to tears, and be very insensitive and rude. I have also had multiple managers treat me the way you are being treated - with dismissiveness and/or indifference. All of that can be stressful, so I feel you here.

Learning to determine what you can tolerate, what you can live with, and what is an employment deal breaker is ultimately up to you. You have one life to live and you deserve to be happy. If you're not getting that at work, is work financing what does make happy?

I had an indifferent manager for a long time. When I realized he was not going to help me or engage me, I went out and helped myself. I actively went out and picked up new skills and networked excessively in my company. I became an expert in my field. I couldn't move up with that manager, but I was able to move around him. It took a long time, but I did accomplish it.

It's your career and your life. It is up to you to make both fulfilling and rewarding, not him.

Good luck with whatever you decide.