My son just got into the #1 High School in NC (#5 in the US) but he's not sure

[masmdu]

He's not sure he wants to go. (It is also the #2 Stem school in the US).

He is worried that there will be too much work and not enough time to enjoy himself. Alternately he wants to go to the IB program at our area High School. But if he chooses the #1 school he will be finished with High School in 2 years and would get to take 2 years of college courses as a Jr. and Sr.

He has a point, I guess, but I would like to see him go to the best school because of how that might help open various future paths for him. I'm not rich or even close and going through the #1 high school will likely help get him into college with some courses already under his belt and likely with some financial assistance.

Not sure how hard to push...? Any thoughts or suggestions would be appreciated.

http://www.newsweek.com/high-schools/americas-top-high-schools-2016

https://www.usnews.com/education/best-high-schools/rankings-overview

[janterry]

1. I grew up in a wealthy area

though I'm not super smart (I got into a good school, BC) - so I did okay.

But in my class, many people went Ivy and it was very stressful. There is a lot to be said for being well rounded - and that's more important than anything else. I would err on the side of being happy. Really.

[masmdu]

2. Thanks....that is what my wife says, too.

[PufPuf23]

3. Let him make his own decision. Encourage complete consideration but

allow him to make the decision.

Don't advise him to what he should pick especially prematurely.

[masmdu]

6. This is the direction I am leaning. I really want it to be his decision but I'm

just worried about where that decision would ultimately take him.

[GeorgeGist]

13. As a parent you have a difficult decision.

Perhaps he could help you.

[StubbornThings]

9. I disagree. Most people don't know they've made the wrong decision until they mature...

and have more responsibility.

I wouldn't make the desicion for him, but I would be sure to explain how it could affect him if he makes the wrong one.

[PufPuf23]

12. Hence encourage "complete consideration".

Let him make his own decision.

Don't prematurely tell him your choice before he has made his own.

[greymattermom]

4. I went to the best school for graduate school,

and I learned that I'm not the smartest person on earth, but the people I met were truly inspirational, and I always knew that there were better, smarter people than me. It really depends on what he wants to do later, if he wants to go to a local college and stay in the area with a regular job, or to compete on the national level.

[Freethinker65]

5. Go freshman year. Your son can always transfer out. It is a wonderful opportunity

[masmdu]

7. True! Hadn't even thought of that!

[TexasBushwhacker]

8. That's a great idea

If he doesn't take the opportunity, he's quitting before he's started.

I read about a family of divers (platform, springboard). The parents were coaches and the kids were competitive athletes. Eventually, you're going to hit something so difficult that you want to quit, and these kids were no exception. If one of the kids was having trouble mastering a new dive and wanted to quit, the parents said they could quit AFTER mastering that dive. Of course, once the kid mastered the dive, they didn't want to quit.

[Girl powers]

11. Agree with Texas.....

I agree completely.
I know of kids that called home the first week of college and were subsequently picked up by their parents and brought home, poor babies. It set a pattern for the rest of their lives.
My 4 kids were told we're only paying for 4 years of school and once a semester started they had to finish it.
We never arranged to change classroom teachers or let them bug out of a sport team commitment.
I would offer the following deal.
Complete one semester and then the kid could leave the school with the parents full support.
It amazing how fate can change a persons life - a special teacher, being on a sports team, or meeting a pretty girl.

[FrenchieCat]

10. My daughter went to a private HS ranked

As the 7th best in the nation at the time!

The Classwork was strenuous to a degree, but small class size, and really great teachers made it easy! Also because the school was small (380 students total grades 9-12), she was able to participate in many of the extra curricular Activities, such as drama and dance , and chorus!

She ended up at Harvard, which also accepted another seven students from her small school, because these schools are the natural magnet recruiting grounds for most of the Ivy League schools! She was also accepted at Princeton, as well as 8 other schools.

She has her PHD now (from Washington University in St. Louis), and she's not even 30 years old! She would've gotten it earlier, but in the meantime she got married to one of her Harvard classmates, and has two children as well!

My point is, when opportunities arises, especially those that have been earned, I say go for it! In this day and age, every advantage is a plus!

[masmdu]

14. As always, thanks to fellow DUers who took the time to reply...

I'm not a very social person. I don't facebook. But I count myself fortunate to have DU and those here who are willing to share. Much appreciated, truly.

[Yavin4]

15. Your son has talent, and when someone has talent, all they need is motivation to be successful.

That motivation will come from whatever passions he has. If that school brings out his passions, he should go and not be afraid of the workload. If going somewhere else where he will have more time to look for his passions, then he should do that.

In the end, super talented people don't need a rigged structure. They just need motivation which comes from their passions.

[mnhtnbb]

16. First off, congratulations to him (and to his parents) for creating the opportunity.

Think about your son and his likes/dislikes so far.

Are his friends important to him? Does he make new friends easily? Socialization is an important
part of life. Focusing only on studies if he's a person who doesn't care about having friends might
be easier for him, but if he's already concerned about the opportunity to socialize (could it come
from clubs or groups in this school) he could be setting himself up for a lot of difficulty.

Teen years are rough enough without having social support from peers and friends.

If he doesn't go to this school, where would he go? What are the options for college level (AP) classes there?
Will many of his current friends be there? Does he have an idea of what he wants to study? Languages?
Math? Science? Arts? How do the classes there in whatever his interests are now compare? Are there good teachers?

It's been some years, but both my sons went to the Chapel Hill Public Schools (oldest graduated from East Chapel Hill High in 2004
and the youngest from Chapel Hill High in 2008). They were both very different people. The oldest didn't want to go to college
and is now a software engineer working in the Research Triangle area. He is self taught and is doing very well for himself. And he's happy.
The youngest had a severe loss of sight when he was 9 from a juvenile genetic form of macular degeneration (and is legally blind
although he sees with his peripheral vision). He was devastated at the idea he would be separated from his middle school friends if he went to East (where we were districted) as opposed to Chapel Hill High where most of his friends were going. We applied for a transfer for him--based on medical needs--and it was approved. So, technically he went to the "lesser" rated school. He ended up having one of the best German teachers in the country. He was accepted at UNC-Chapel Hill and majored in German and Comparative Lit. He graduated Phi Beta Kappa, won German awards, and a year later was accepted for a Fulbright Scholarship to study theatre in Berlin. He was accepted at Yale School of Drama for the Dramaturgy and Dramatic Criticism program (and Columbia, in New York, as well) while in Berlin and will graduate with his MFA in May from Yale. This was the kid who NEEDED his friends and he went to the lower ranked school and it didn't hurt him a bit. He also got almost a full ride on his graduate school tuition--supplemented with work/study-- and we have only had to help him with living expenses the last few years. (He also had a scholarship that covered most of his in-state tuition at UNC) and we had to cover books/living expenses. He will graduate in May with no debt. We were fortunately in a position to help with books/living expenses and were happy to do it.

So, I would caution pushing your son to go to a school just for the ranking or in hopes of pushing him through college in fewer years. Wherever he goes and whatever he does, it needs to make him feel like he belongs and is following his heart.

[masmdu]

19. Thanks for your thoughtful response.

It sounds as if your sons have done wonderfully.

If he doesn't go to this school our neighborhood school is also very good and does offer IB and AP classes. We have a lot to think about but must decide by Friday.

[DFW]

17. As someone who was granted a very special opportunity in high school, I'd say this

Grab every special opportunity you can. If he is adamantly opposed to it, don't resist, but encourage him to try it out.

When I was 16, I was in a supposedly "good" school (the one where the Obama girls went in DC), but at the time, it had a very backward administration, and I hated it. I was given the chance for a (then-) experimental program for high school kids to spend a year in Spain, living with a local Catalan family. I jumped at it, and never regretted it. I got my first long-term look at another world, and it opened my eyes forever.

When my girls got to high school age, German schools were encouraging any and all that dared and had decent grades to take a semester or a half year in another country. My elder one chose a public school in (of all places) Dallas, USA, a place she had briefly visited, but never lived. She returned having taken courses in journalism and astronomy, and speaking much better English than she had ever spoken at home in Germany. She ended up going to college in the USA and now still lives there.

The younger one, when it was her turn, said she wanted to go to the USA, too, but do the opposite of what her sister did. She wanted a boarding school, and not in Texas. She ended up on the opposite side of the world from us, in Hawaii. After her first year, having made friends with her roommate, who was a native of the Big Island, she was spending weekends with her roomie and her family at their place on the beach in South Kona, and felt so at home there that she decided she wanted to stay on and graduate. I warned her that German universities didn't accept American high school diplomas, but she had gained a lot of confidence and great English. When she applied to GW in Washington, DC, the interviewer was puzzled when she said she'd get her TOEFL scores. "Why would you need that?," the GW rep asked. "I'm from Germany," my daughter replied. The GW rep was so impressed, she wrote a glowing recommendation, and she got in. Being in DC, she interned with Emily's List, got to hang with Senator Barack Obama and Howard Dean (heady times in 2006), went on to bigger and better things. Summer with the UN War Crimes Tribunal in Sierra Leone, stuff like that. Totally fearless. Give a gifted kid the chance to want to realize their full potential, and they just might, and you only get one chance.

Tell your son to go for it!

[masmdu]

20. Thank you. I think I will encourage him to "go for it" ...

with the idea of pulling back to his regular high school if it's not for him.

[rurallib]

18. No suggestions - just want to say these are the kinds of problems most parents

dream of having.

Tough, tough decision for a 14 or 15 year old.

I guess I would offer this: try it out for a semester or a year. If it is overwhelming, back down to a regular HS.
My thought is that there would always be a nagging doubt if he didn't try.

[masmdu]

21. Agreed, and thanks for your thoughts.

[Generic Brad]

22. We had a similar choice with our daughter

Should she choose her friends at the neighborhood high school or should she go to the one that had the most opportunities to wrack up transferrable college credits? We explained to her that all the people we were friends with in high school are out of our lives years later. Ultimately we left the choice to her, but we did calmly discuss options and the potential results of life choices.

In the end, she chose the good school. She took every AP class she could. She took University of Minnesota classes at her school. She spent half of her senior year taking college classes for free at the University of Minnesota in a program that gave high school students the chance to take college classes on campus. When she graduated high school, she continued at the University of Minnesota and entered her first full semester there 6 credits short of being a college junior thanks to her hard work in high school.

In the three years she spent at the University of Minnesota she earned a double major and minor and graduated from there an entire year early. She went from there to an Ivy League university where she is currently getting her PhD.

She worked three jobs as an undergraduate and with scholarships paid her entire way through college on her own without a loan. We let her live at home during that time, so we did not have to provide any significant financial help.

I know my daughter is not typical by any means. She is incredibly focused and driven compared to other young people. She knows what she wants and is determined to make it happen. But when she was in the 8th grade she was just as confused as any other teen ager. Her friends were the only future she could see at that time.

Every minute of every day we have multiple choices that determine the person we eventually become. That is the mantra we taught her.

Good luck with your son. I am sure he will make the choice that is best for him. Just respect the choice he makes.

[Rhiannon12866]

23. I was sent to boarding/prep school to help me get into the the best possible college

And I have to admit it did, since the school did have connections and a great reputation. But it also depends on how your son feels about it. If he's unhappy, it might not be worth it, but it does sound like a terrific opportunity with more advantages than drawbacks. College has gotten prohibitively expensive, so a head start and financial assistance sounds like it would be worth it to me.