Check in to view the Taterguy/Ikonoklast lovefest!!!!

[LynneSin]

Last edited Mon Apr 16, 2012, 06:06 PM - Edit history (2)

Isn't it neat that you can edit your posts even after an hour has gone by!!!!

[ohiosmith]

1. Unfortunately my cat passed from time to eternity fifty five years ago.

I wouldn't want to hazard a guess.

[hifiguy]

2. Clean cotton.

For some reason both of my furballs have had that smell.

[HopeHoops]

3. Dust, cat food, and kitty litter.

[Wait Wut]

4. Today, the probably smell like cats.

But, on the weekends they smell like strawberries and cream. I have to use a conditioner on them because it's so freakin' dry here (my boy was walking around one nite and I could see the sparks coming off his fur...kinda cool). There's only one that they'll let me use. They actually love the stuff.

[backwoodsbob]

5. ummm

the horse crap it rolled in earlier?

[graywarrior]

6. Bad attitude

[The Velveteen Ocelot]

7. Dusty fur.

[Arugula Latte]

8. Dry kitty saliva, mostly.

Not that that's a bad thing!

[Demoiselle]

9. Probably a good thing....

Apparently kitty saliva has antibiotic properties. I've always liked burying my nose in kitty fur. In kitty dirtboxes, not so much.

[Arugula Latte]

10. I love the smell of kitty fur in the morning, and the afternoon, and evening.

Dog fur on the other hand -- Yuck!

[madinmaryland]

11. One smells like tuna, another like the litter box, and the other one just

finished bathing.

[taterguy]

12. I don't have a damn cat

[Ikonoklast]

18. Explains your sour disposition.

Get a kitty, and your life will change for the better.

[taterguy]

20. How fucking dare you?

Sour disposition my ass.

I am sweetness and light personified.

[Ikonoklast]

21. Only if you were made out of sugar cane and gravity ceased working.

Then I might agree with you.

But you aren't, and it hasn't.

[LynneSin]

22. I'm feeling alot of love between you 2

[Ikonoklast]

27. Anyone that doesn't have a cat is a

dumbass.

Or maybe they are dumbasses because they don't have a cat.

Either way, taterguy is a dumbass.

[taterguy]

30. I'm allergic to cats

[Ikonoklast]

32. No, you aren't. You have convinced yourself that you are.

Your ego is at war with your id.

[trueblue2007]

89. YEAH... WHAT THEY SAID

[taterguy]

26. How the fuck do you know what I'm made out of?

[Ikonoklast]

28. Genetic sampling.

Saliva left by you on those cigarette butts has ratted you out.



Oh, and you better see a doctor about that condition you have.

Just a little 'heads up'.

[taterguy]

29. All of my butts end up in the trash which ends up in the landfill

How the fuck do you know which butts are ones that have my saliva on them?

[Ikonoklast]

31. Most garbagemen will save you just about anything for a free case of beer.

You get lots of notices for late bills, too.


You can purchase a really good paper shredder for just a few bucks now.

[taterguy]

33. I pay my bills online

Got any more scurrilous accusations you want to sling at me?

Douche.

[Ikonoklast]

35. And Latvian hackers have all your passwords.

Unless it really was you ordering all that Japanese Hentai.

[taterguy]

36. I wanted some temporary tatoos

Henna and hentai are too similar,

especially when I've been drinking.

[Ikonoklast]

38. You must drink quite frequently, then.

The Latvians told me that you almost crash their server when ordering on-line 'henna' through their website, four or five times a week.

[taterguy]

39. Who are you to judge?

[Ikonoklast]

41. Oh, I'm not judging you in the least. Not at all.

In fact, I encourage such behavior.

The Latvians cut me in for 10% of the gross.

I call my new Mercedes, 'taterguy'.

[taterguy]

45. A Mercedes? Why do you hate American unionized labor?

[Ikonoklast]

46. The Latvian hacker collective bought it for me in Stuttgart, and had it shipped by air.

'Taterguy' is a Mercedes-Benz SLS AMG, built and available only in Germany, and assembled by Unionized German autoworkers, who are absolute artists at their craft.

They said it was my bonus. I didn't buy it, it just showed up at my front door, with a thank you note attached.


Why do you hate Germans so much?

Is it because they have access to socialized medicine?

Is it because you an only afford to see some guy who is an ex-prison doctor who lost his license to practice medicine after his seventh DUI, and Germans get three weeks off work with pay if they get a bad headache?

That is no fault of the German People.

If you stopped spending so much money on internet porn, you might find an actual doctor to patch up the road rash you got after getting blown off your bicycle by a sleek, shiny new Mercedes zooming by.

[taterguy]

47. That's IT. You have struck a nerve

I do NOT pay for internet porn.

My standards are low enough that I have no problem finding plenty of free stuff that I enjoy.

[Ikonoklast]

50. You know that 'doctor' you see uses horse tranquilizers on you.

What you think is free internet porn is actually single Amish dating sites.

Lots of hairy people turn you on?

[taterguy]

51. You got a problem with the Amish?

What other religions are you bigoted against?

[Ikonoklast]

52. You seem you be quite defensive on this subject.

But, coming from someone that hates Germans for no reason, Projection is a valuable tool.

Either that or those hairy legs are a fetish of yours.

[taterguy]

53. Hate Germans? I have a fetish for them.

Especially the hairy ones.

[Ikonoklast]

54. Is it the shiny black leather?

Or the need to be dominated by an Authoritaian type?

Maybe you are of Polish descent and are used to being invaded?

[taterguy]

55. It's all about precision engineering

Well, maybe a desire to be dominated, and possibly invaded

[Ikonoklast]

56. It's fairly well known that the vast majority of engineers in Germany

prefer cats as pets.

[LynneSin]

58. I started a thread about you 2

so there

[taterguy]

68. We should have done this shit in one of your AOTD threads

Alas, it was spontaneous.

[taterguy]

59. You don't know a god damn thing about German engineers

[Ikonoklast]

62. I have an encyclopedic knowledge about the history of engineering in Germany.

I actually wrote a book on the subject, you may have heard of it.

"Die Komplette Geschichte Des Engineering In Deutschland Für Dumbasses".

I'll send you a signed copy.

[taterguy]

63. What's the ISBN?

[Ikonoklast]

64. I said that I wrote a book, I never said it was published.

I keep getting told that the subject is way too specialized to have a broad appeal of any kind.

The last publisher said that there was only one guy on the planet that he knew of who would be interested in reading it, but he's usually too busy looking at hairy-legged German internet fetish porn to bother.

[taterguy]

66. Why write a book only one person would read?

Imbecile.

[Ikonoklast]

67. I didn't write it for gain, I write to add even just one more brick to the vast wall

that is all of Human Knowledge, no matter how insignificant.

I already have a subject for my next effort.

I'm doing research for it now.


I'll think that I'll dedicate it to you.

[taterguy]

71. I look forward to reading it

NOT!

[Ikonoklast]

72. Well, there aren't many pictures in it, so I suppose it isn't your cup of tea.

And the inside of the back cover doesn't have ads for Sea Monkeys or X-Ray Specs, like your usual reading material does.

[taterguy]

74. Monkeys live in the jungle, not the sea

[Ikonoklast]

75. Oh, so you're an expert in primate biology now, I suppose?

Like you've done years of field research on the subject.

[taterguy]

76. I've seen a couple episodes of Mutual of Omaha's Wild Kingdom

I've also been to the beach a few times.

Never seen a fucking monkey in the ocean.

[Ikonoklast]

77. I bet the other people at the beach thought they saw a monkey

going for a swim when they got a gander at that hirsute body of yours.


I think I saw the episode where Stan almost caught you in a net.

[taterguy]

78. I never said I went swimming.

JAWS had a big impact on me.

[Ikonoklast]

79. Is that the excuse you use to not shower since 1975?

My eyes sting just thinking about it.

[taterguy]

80. Stop thinking about me taking a shower

It's kind of creepy.

[Ikonoklast]

82. I can't help it. You take my breath away.

Especially when I'm down wind of you.

I literally cannot breathe.

It's like a fog made entirely of funk.

[taterguy]

83. Don't you have anything better to do?

[Ikonoklast]

85. Sadly, no.

I lied.



I actually have a great deal to do.

I'm doing it right now.


I told you I was researching my next book.

[taterguy]

88. I can't decide what's more of a waste of time . . .

Posting on a message board or working on a book that will never be published.

At least on a message board one or two other people will read what you wrote.

Let me know when you finish your book. I have some contacts in the biz.

[Ikonoklast]

90. Look, just because you used to deliver pizzas to a publishing firm for their casual Fridays

doesn't exactly mean that you have "contacts in the biz."


That reminds me, I need to add a chapter on delusional thinking processes.



People that have cats as pets don't have to worry about such things.

Of course, you wouldn't know that.

[taterguy]

92. How the fuck could I deliver pizzas on a bicycle?

I guess I could get a rack and some bungee cords but the pizza would be cold by the time I got there.

It doesn't matter. Your book is probably gonna suck anyway.

As for delusional thinking and cats: Ever watch a Bond movie? The crazy villain almost always owns a cat.

[Ikonoklast]

93. You must peddle that rickity contraption of yours r e a l l y s l o w l y.

For a person who employs a bicycle as their primary mode of transportation, you certainly use it badly.

I was thinling that I might put some pictures in the book to spice it up for the illiterate among us.

I'm sorry that you think Bond movies are even remotely related to reality. The crazy villians in real life look like nerdy doofuses like Rick Santorum.

Who hates cats.

[taterguy]

95. I'm capable of doing 30+ mph on a bike

I just choose not to.

You have to be extra-cautious on a bike. You have no protection and a lot of cars don't see you.

I never go through intersections unless I'm absolutely sure that it's safe. It wouldn't make any sense to constantly accelerate when you're just gonna hit the brakes. The morgue is filled with cyclists who thought they had the right-of-way, which as a practical matter they never do.

And another thing: Pizza warmth isn't just determined by the time it takes to get there. You also need to take into account the outside temperature and wind.

Do me a favor: Shut the fuck up. Please.

[Ikonoklast]

96. In other words, cold pizza.

As I thought.

[taterguy]

97. In other words, I don't deliver fucking pizzas

Now cut the crap before you start to really piss me off.

[Ikonoklast]

98. If you had a kitty for a pet, you wouldn't be so angry all of the time.

Your BP goes down when petting a purring kitty.

Kitties are more effective stress relievers than transcendental meditation.

[taterguy]

99. Transcendental this motherfucker

[Ikonoklast]

100. Good thing Will Rogers is dead.

You would have made him make an exception.

[taterguy]

101. What the fuck is that supposed to mean?

[Ikonoklast]

102. Have you ever met His Serenity, the Dalai Lama?

If you have, did he take a swing at you?

[taterguy]

103. Maybe

[Ikonoklast]

105. I'd think that one might remember that occasion and not equivocate about it...except for...

He kicked your ass, didn't he?

[taterguy]

108. A lot of people have kicked my ass

What's so fucking special about the Dolly Llama?

[Ikonoklast]

109. He may have thought you were The Buddha.

The Dalai Lama that is.

"If you meet The Buddha on the road, kill him."


The other person mentioned sounds like the girl that beat your ass back in third grade

[taterguy]

110. That third grade beating was a repressed memory

How the fuck did you find out about it?

I need a hug now.

[Ikonoklast]

111. I married that girl.

She grew up to be big, mean, and had linebacker speed.

The only thing she liked better than bourbon whiskey was a good old-fashioned bare-knuckle bar fight.



And you need a hug.

Cry me a river.

[taterguy]

112. Damn right I'm crying

You've reopened some really painful wounds.

I hope you're proud of yourself.

[Ikonoklast]

113. I sense that you are really emotionally fragile right now.

I'll tell Dolly that the kid that called her "Gigantosaurus" back in third grade needs a hug.

She'll be so happy to see an old classmate again.



You can try to run, it won't help.

[taterguy]

114. I sense that you have no sense of decency

You've done nothing in this thread but try to push my buttons and I won't stand for it any longer.

[Ikonoklast]

115. You besmirch my good nature, sirrah!

I have been nothing short of cordial and understanding of your various difficulties.






Pushing your buttons sounds kind of dirty.




What are you wearing right now?

[taterguy]

116. Jeans and a t-shirt

[Ikonoklast]

117. Hippy.

[taterguy]

118. Hippy my ass, it's comfortable.

Go suck on a hackeysack.

Looser.

[Ikonoklast]

119. Lemme get this straight...those are baggy jeans, right?

So your ass (which is kinda hippy, by your own admission) is more comfortable in looser jeans?

And what does New Jersey have to do with all of this?

Are you on drugs?

[taterguy]

120. Only a dumbass would admit to being on drugs

Do I look like a dumbass?

[Ikonoklast]

121. When you throw one right down the middle like that, nice, fat, and slow

please don't hurt yourself getting whiplash snapping your head around to watch it as it gets hammered right out of the ballpark.




Dumbass.

[taterguy]

122. Enough with the fat comments

I get it.

I need to exercise more and eat less.

Your snark isn't helping.

[Ikonoklast]

123. Subliminal motivational techniques are the eat a double cheeseburger latest thing on the web.

They say that it works, drink more beer but I'm skeptical.

I'd need to see more have another slice of delicious pie data before accepting that as factual.

Does that help you that pan of lasagna has your name on it in any way?

[taterguy]

124. Sigh

n/t

[Ikonoklast]

127. You sound a bit tired.

Maybe a little fresh air would smoke more cigarettes do you good.

[taterguy]

128. Thanks for the diagnosis doctor

[Ikonoklast]

129. I'll write a note for you to give your employer.

It will excuse you from work for the next six months.

That way he'll know not to go looking for you in your usual hiding spots at work.



My office will bill you later.


Oh, and I had a specialist consult on your case.

His bill is added into my fee.


His name is Dr. Howard, maybe you've heard of him?

From the medical firm of Drs. Howard, Fine, and Howard, LLC.

He's quite famous.

[taterguy]

130. The only exercise I get is working

Once again, you're not being helpful.

[Ikonoklast]

131. Backstabbing fellow employees is not actual 'exercise'.

Gossiping at the water cooler doesn't count, either, nor does sneaking out for a smoke on the loading dock.



And how can riding a bike not be classified as exercise?

Seems to me that many other people count their riding activities as such.


You get a free pass for a six-month vacation, and you turn your nose up at it.

Some bucket of grateful you got there.


I need to pad my bill a tad, just for that.

[taterguy]

132. There's no water cooler where I work

There you go again, just making shit up.

[Ikonoklast]

133. You're kind of a ruder version of Ronald Reagan.

And what do you have to do to get a drink of water, go outside and dip your hat into the rain barrel provided?


What type of cheap boss do you have, anyway?

[taterguy]

134. You're asking for proprietary information

Are you trying to get me fired?

Is that what you want?

[Ikonoklast]

135. You know your boss would never fire you.

Not with those phone pics you took of him at the Christmas party he threw for the employees at Hooters last year.

[taterguy]

136. How the fuck would you know?

[Ikonoklast]

137. Because you make him look like a genius to upper management.

In comparison to you, of course.

[rug]

37. Here, this one's right up your alley.

[JitterbugPerfume]

13. Lilith smells like cat fart

and cat-Mandu smells like downy because he has been on my bed almost all day

[AsahinaKimi]

14. Shrimps, salmon... TUNA ...

Sometimes I check him for fins.

[bluesbassman]

15. Elderberries.

And I have a sneaking suspicion that his mother was a hamster.

[KT2000]

16. Clean blanket

She almost always smells good! When she doesn't - she hides.

[alphafemale]

17. cat. But my boyfriend smells like a mix of roses and warm cookies.

mmmmmmm

[Ikonoklast]

19. Revenge.

[madmom]

23. cat spit

[MatthewStLouis]

24. Hay. I always thought cats smelled like hay. /nt

[geardaddy]

25. cat ashes and bone chips

Though, that's an educated guess. I don't really want to smell her ashes.

[Hell Hath No Fury]

34. Fresh Scented poop.

Damned kitty litter - nothing I hate more than the smell of perfumed shit.

[Bertha Venation]

69. Hear, hear!!

[siligut]

40. A sweet memory

Though I did have a visitor yesterday morning and she smelled like dirt. She was a sweet, little, orange tabby. Mr gut said I was going to make some little girl cry if I didn't let the cat back out.

[meti57b]

42. My cat smells like a cat.

[tandot]

43. Litter Box?

[denbot]

44. My kitties smell like contempt and loathing for humans..

They also smell a little scratchy.

[WilliamPitt]

48. Pain.

[a la izquierda]

49. "My cat's breath smells like cat food." -Ralph Wiggum

I'm kidding, I don't have cats. I'm totally allergic, and my Viszla would make a playtoy out of one. I like them just fine, though.
My dogs, however, smell like mulch.

[Hepburn]

57. I don't have a cat, but my neighbor's cat smells like...

...total feline attitude...and flaunts it outside my windows and before my Scottie who is locked inside the house.

[HopeHoops]

60. Fish breath.

[MorningGlow]

61. Poop, unfortunately

The pisspot runt is getting old and is having difficulty performing the kitteh acrobatics necessary to clean certain areas. I help her out regularly. Dammit, kid's out of diapers, yet my life still centers around cleaning up a dirty butt. How is that at all fair?

On the up side, my buddy, the puddin' butt, smells like cat. On the occasion her tootsies smell like litter, I don't begrudge her that, because at least she's using the box, unlike the pisspot.

[Iris]

65. A stuffed animal.

[mythology]

70. Cowardice

Her default response to stimulation, other than the sound of a fire or a can of cat food being opened is to run for her life. I'm guessing her previous owner was a horrid excuse for a human being because it took me a month to get her out from under the bed when I first took her home from the shelter. Now she insists on sleeping on me, but she's still most comfortable with everything being still and quiet.

[Motown_Johnny]

73. Umm.. Cold moon shadow.. maybe?

Sorry, don't have a cat.

[KamaAina]

81. Ladies and gentlemen... Phoebe Buffay!

[applegrove]

84. I don't smell anything.

[denbot]

86. Work your way to the far end..

You'll smell something...

[applegrove]

87. I've actually feined that once or twice with my cats to try and bond with them (I didn't actually

breath in). LOL!

[Bruce Wayne]

91. She smells of guilt, and treachery, and diamonds, and leather.

She smells of danger and the path not taken long long ago.

[AtomicKitten]

94. Ass. Layla smells like ass.

I adopted her when she was 4-5 weeks old from the SPCA. She had casts on her front legs and with them she weighed a whopping 1 lb. She was feral and unfortunately met up with a group of first-graders who thought it was fun to drop-kick her back and forth (broken bones, internal injuries). A good-hearted person rescued her and took her to the SPCA. Layla is 10 yrs old now and weighs 29 lbs. She eats, poops, and sleeps. Period. But because of her body habitus (girth and residuals from her injuries) she cannot clean her lower half, so we bathe her almost daily.

[jberryhill]

104. Wasn't there a South Park episode about this?

[LynneSin]

106. This has got to be the most dumbass post to get over 100 replies

and what's scary is that I wrote it!

[TrogL]

107. Damn your insensitive soul

I don't have a sense of smell.

They likely smell of dog breath as one of the dogs seems to think they need licking.

[krispos42]

125. Cat spit. n/t

[sakabatou]

126. Brick. She smells like warm brick.