Dismembered Nate Silver Found In Dumpster Behind Gallup Headquarters

[Snarkoleptic]

http://www.theonion.com/article/dismembered-nate-silver-found-in-dumpster-behind-g-53987

WASHINGTON—Calling the grisly crime scene “deeply disturbing,” Metropolitan Police confirmed Wednesday that the dismembered body of political statistician Nate Silver had been found in a dumpster behind the Gallup organization’s headquarters. “At approximately 4:26 a.m., a member of the building’s cleaning staff discovered the torso and severed limbs of a man in his mid-to-late 30s mixed in with hundreds of pages of blood- and viscera-soaked polling data,” said MPD spokesman Sgt. Brendan Davies, who added that Silver’s decapitated head—identified by his signature black rectangular glasses—had also been found in a bowling bag discarded near the research institution. “The extensive bruising along the mutilated body parts also indicates that he had been beaten prior to his death, possibly by more than one person. If anyone has any leads as to who might have targeted Silver, the founder of FiveThirtyEight and a leading expert on political and economic trends, please contact us immediately.” Police officials told reporters they were still looking into the outline of a bell curve on his chest formed by what appeared to be cigarette burns.

Trigger warning - grisly crime scene photo below~~~~~

[MicaelS]

1. Not the least bit funny. n/t

[malthaussen]

2. Surprised at the Onion.

This is not even vaguely humorous. It's certainly not satire, and I don't mean that ironically.

-- Mal