How do you tell kids the dog has to be put down?

[MattBaggins]

I have to take my dog to the vet tomorow and have him put to sleep. I have two girls 9 and 6 who have a half day from school. I will leave them at a friends house when I go. Should I tell them before and let them say goodbye or wait until I have buried him? He is 15 and they have seen his decline and know he is dieing.

[Major Nikon]

1. My vet comes out to the house to do it after hours

You might check with your vet to see if they offer that service. It made a difficult situation a whole lot better. We all gathered around our dog and comforted her during the process, and she didn't have to go to the vet's office and get stressed out.

After that experience, I wouldn't do it any other way.

[MattBaggins]

5. Even with kids?

This may be yet another case of me under estimating what my kids understand.

[Major Nikon]

6. Kids are actually more resilient than adults

Everyone except the vet cries when it happens. It hurts really bad the first day for everyone. The next day is not quite as bad. On and on it goes. Kids have to learn how to deal with loss. That's part of living. I think it's harder for them to understand when the dog goes away and never returns. At least they have closure and will understand the way things have to be. It's always been my experience that the younger the kids are, the better they deal with it.

[BiggJawn]

16. Our vet cries.

She's a wonderful person, focuses on horses but cares for the little critters, too. The last one that passed was a year ago February and the ground was too hard to dig, so she offered to take her when she left and arranged to have her cremated.

If it was me, I'd let the kids be there. I think it's more comforting to your old friend when they have all the family there at the end.

[Major Nikon]

18. Dogs are pack animals

They are much more social in that respect than humans. So yes, I agree. In times of stress it's very helpful for them to have their pack with them.

[alphafemale]

22. You should absolutely allow the kids to decide if they want to be there or not.

Yes. They will probably cry.

But that's not a bad thing.

They are going to cry anyway.

At least you haven't taken the chance to say goodbye away from them.

[YellowRubberDuckie]

26. Seconded.

Don't take that good bye away from them.
I think back to holding our Leroy as he left this world and I wouldn't have traded that for anything. When he came to us he was an old man, and we were the only people in his life who never abandoned him til the end. Do not take that from your girls!

[RebelOne]

7. This thread is making me cry.

If your vet could come to your house, I think it would be best for your dog to have her loved ones around her when it is time. I had to take my dog to the vet to send her to doggie heaven. Fortunately, she was not stressed out because she had been to the vet's office at least once a week for treatments when she was so sick.

[Major Nikon]

14. My last dog was the same way about going to the vet

Even when she was healthy she hated going to the vet. It really stressed her out. Having her take her last breath at home was a blessing. I have a great vet and I'm going to keep him as long as he's in practice.

[hlthe2b]

2. My opinion... Be honest and give them time to accept the decision...

even if that means delaying euthanasia (assuming the dog is not acutely suffering) a day or two.

Especially if they are really close to the dog, don't expect them to necessarily avoid being deeply affected for some time. You may need to realize yourself that this could be every bit as painful as to lose a human--perhaps more so if they have never experienced the death of a close relative to date. Be prepared to let them grieve.

Just my thoughts. Best wishes. This is difficult, but the kindness and love dogs give to us, to me, more than makes up for this painful aspect.

[rug]

3. I'd tell them.

Then I'd ask them if they want to come.

He's always been there. They should know before he's not.

[magical thyme]

4. I would definitely discuss it with them in advance

and help them say goodbye. They will need your support and strength, but they should not be shut out of this. I think if they see you doing everything you can for your dog, being strong to keep him as comfortable as possible for as long as possible, so he can leave without pain or fear, it will help them deal with it. And I am sorry for your coming loss. I'm sure he has had a wonderful life with his people.

Years ago, a young girl's (8 or 9) pony where I kept mine was injured and had to be put down. I'm certain her parents talked with her about it first and I'm sure she said goodbye to him before. I saw them bring her with flowers for his grave after. They were very supportive of her.

In contrast, when I was 16 my horse was badly injured. My father shut me out of the final decision making and made my poor horse die alone at the hand of strangers, after I'd been shunted off to school, when I was the *only* person in the world he trusted. I never forgave him for leaving my boy to die alone like that. I should have been there holding him.

Just last month I had to put down my elderly gelding, whom I rescued from starvation some 22 years ago. The hardest thing I've ever had to do, but I think it was a sacred day. It could not have been more peaceful. I will always remember how he last pressed his head to my stomach when I scritched his neck for the last time, and how he raised his head and last looked at me, smiling with gratitude, forgiveness and love.

[HeiressofBickworth]

8. I can tell you how NOT to do it

When I was 9, my dad got a job in the Seattle area. We had a dog who was starting to show dog old-age problems. My parents told us she was not well enough at the time to take the long drive with us from Indiana to Seattle but she would come later when she was better. The truth was they put her down before we left. They assumed we would just forget about her. What really happened was that we asked for her for months and finally quit asking, not to know the truth that she was already dead. My brother and I resented that we were not told the truth until years later. I vote for telling the kids the truth and giving them the opportunity to grieve.

[MattBaggins]

9. That I would never do

Going to be a bad day tomorow.

[XemaSab]

10. Definitely tell them beforehand

and ask if they want to go with.

It's depressing as hell but it's a lot better than leaving it as a surprise.

Of the four pets (3 dogs and a cat) I've had that have died, one dropped dead of a heart attack at my feet one day, one was "fine" until the day we had to take her to the vet and put her down, one had to be put down while I was out of town, and one *I* had to take to the vet to have put down.

Each one was terrible in its own way, but it's definitely better to be there, especially if the dog is really sick.

[riderinthestorm]

11. I have had a LOT of animals so I have a lot of experience with this.

ALWAYS tell your kids in advance. Please let them give their pet a final hug and a chance to say goodbye. Let them know their beloved pet's time to go has come (if you are religious you can phrase it as its their time to head for heaven). They may not even understand that their pet is going to be euthanized, they may visualize it that their pet is going to the hospital to die.... One of my favorite pieces of art was done by a friend of ours. We had an old rescue Doberman who had lymphoma. His last day he came to my bedside in the morning, panting, crying, drooling - in so much pain that we knew it was his day to go. We spent the morning taking photos with him, my then 3 year old daughter.... a year later after we had posted the pics of Shadow's last day on earth a client of mine came up with a sketch she'd made of my daughter hugging Shadow as they snuggled together.

Its one of my most favorite pieces of art. And it came out of grief and has morphed into something lovely.

You will be shocked and delighted to discover your kids will share your grief and then move on extremely gracefully.

I am so sorry for you and your family MattBaggins...

[Gidney N Cloyd]

12. Some great advice in this thread. And remember the dog may want to say goodbye to the kids, too.

[applegrove]

13. Tell the kids beforehand so they can say goodbye. I just had to say goodbye to my cat Monster

and that time holding him and crying I think of often. It makes it real. It was a release from the horrible thing that was going on. Kids need to learn how to grieve so I would not try to hide things like this from them. Saying goodbye will help them through the first stage of grief.

[hedgehog]

15. It's OK if they and you cry over this.

It's the right thing, even if it hurts.

[BiggJawn]

17. ((((hugs))))

n/t

[haele]

19. They are old enough to know and be there.

You might want to check online and find a Mr. Rodgers clip on how to handle the death of an old, beloved pet. There does need to be a framework, and they do need to understand that this is release from pain that will never get better, only worse, that this is a gift that we give to our loved pets when it's time for them to go.

Handling grief and loss is an important thing to learn; too many kids grow up protected and are terrified of grief and pain, and will do all sorts of stupid, short-sighted things to avoid a difficult decision later on in life, making things worse for them in the long run.

And your puppy will want to be with family, not alone, at the end. With a good vet, it will be just as if he has gone to sleep - the lasting pain will only be ours to bear.

:hugs:

[Withywindle]

20. I think you should definitely tell them ahead of time and let them say goodbye.

It's not just about tomorrow - it's about the memories they will have in the future. I think they need that sense of closure and the opportunity to have one last hug. They're not too young to understand, not at all. Death isn't really something you can shield children from, if it happens in the family (and your dog is definitely a member of the family). It's something that has to be met with awareness and acceptance and an understanding that ALL of you are hurting, and this is normal.

[bluedigger]

21. Please let them say goodbye!

Just trust me on this.

[Phentex]

23. Any update?

[MattBaggins]

25. Sorry for no update but I wasn't ready to discuss it

Fenris was euthanized that Friday. I explained to the kids what was going to happen long before and gave them time to sit with him say goodbye. We did not bring them to the vets office, but they did not really want to come to that part anyway. The only mistake I made was with the older child that I buried the dog without letting her see him first and then brought them to the site later to plant flowers. She was upset and asked me why the next day and I apologized to her for not really asking her what she wanted and she was OK with that.

As usually happens, the kids surprised me by creating their own ceremony. They decorated some rocks for his grave,wrote some letters, which they buried under the flowers and said their goodbyes.

[rug]

27. You did good.

They will remember this the rest of their lives.

My condolences to you all.

[mike_c]

29. damn, that's hard....

As a rescuer, I've had lots of sick, injured, and elderly pets euthanized over the years. It NEVER gets any easier. It hurts just thinking about it. My sincere condolences to you and your family.

[Brigid]

24. Definitely tell the kids.

I had to say farewell to my cat Patrick just a few hours ago. If I had kids, I certainly would have given them a chance to say their goodbyes.

[RebelOne]

28. I would just say that you are sending him to doggie heaven.

I had to put my dog down a couple of years ago and even though I am an atheist, I just tell kids in my family that she went to doggie heaven.

[Tikki]

30. We just put our old girl Tikki (the doggie) down last month...I cry every day still...

Hugs to you...you are doing the loving thing for your doggie.

But so very, very thankful we were there with her to hold and love on her as she passed.
A wonderful vet helped us plan ahead.

Our 10 year old grandson cried and asks how we are feeling about missing her. This is a great
opportunity to talk with him about devotion, commitment and loss and bring back great memories
of all the great times all of us shared with Tikki.

The Tikkis