what is a clever way to tell someone to go fuck themselves

[demtenjeep]

without actually saying it

i need a non-cursing way to say it


i know there are some great wordsmiths here to help

[pressbox69]

1. You must have heard this one

Go ye forth and multiply thyself.

[wyldwolf]

2. Burt Reynolds to Jackie Gleason on 'Smokey and the Bandit.'

"Do the letters FO mean anything to you?"

[fizzgig]

3. i tell them to take a long walk off a short pier

or to go soak their head.

[rug]

4. I need context. Why not tell them to go fuck themselves?

[panader0]

6. Best advice---why mince words?

[uriel1972]

5. Go take...

an airborne copulation at a rolling donut!

[Major Nikon]

7. Go have coitus with yourself

[The Velveteen Ocelot]

8. In the South they often say, "Well, bless your heart!"

when what they really mean is, "Go fuck yourself."

[avebury]

12. I am going to have to use that one.

[dixiegrrrrl]

52. It is all about the tone of voice and inflection.

One can say many phrases in the South which can be taken in different ways depending on the tone of voice, how well you know the speaker.

I have found southern culture much like Japanese culture, in that it is all about community, appearing hospitable and polite, and different styles of the same language.

"Well bless your heart" is more insulting the more syrupy and sweet it sounds. And which word in the sentence is emphasized.

[avebury]

54. Which word should I emphasize to

get the biggest covert impact?

[dixiegrrrrl]

55. Problem with "covert" is the intent of the F*** Off message is missed.

Because F*** off also has multiple meanings and context.


The best all time way, tho, is to say " I think you are being a bit insigrievious at the moment"....or....
"That is really insigrievious of you to say that"

Handy word, can be used in any fashion.
And when they demand to know what the word means, give them a cool calm smile and tell them to go look it up.
With any luck, you won't see them for awhile.

[avebury]

56. Maybe I am looking for subtle in a way that goes over someone's head.

I work in an office that is divided into two groups: the chosen and the serfs and is led by the evil step-mother who doesn't really care about the serfs. The chosen act like they walk on water. The serfs have had it.

Our manager, in true evil step-mother mode, traded away a serf position to obtain two much high paying chosen positions. In addition, the serfs are being kicked out of joint quarters and made to move to another room (part of which is shared with an employee from another division - Yup she couldn't even negotiate one complete room for us). Our new quarters are put together with whatever they could find and they couldn't even be bothered to paint the room. The layout and cubicle space works (except for our roommate) but it looks really ugly and worn).

It has become like an ugly divorce with the serfs not wanting anything to do with the otherside of the office. Our immediate supervisor told us that there will be a joint event and that EVERYONE would participate. That was when rebellion broke out (and I was actually the calmest one in the room).

Our manager is in deep denial about how bad the situation is in her own office and the role that she has played in where we are today. They try to blame it on a former employee. But you know, as Manager, the buck stops on her desk.

We are viewed as not being team players and not helping with team commraderie. What she is actually seeing is brute honesty of the situation and we have reached the point of not carrying anymore. Nothing will change. We want to move and just stay off to ourselves. I will say that our side of the office excels in teamwork amongst ourselves because we only have each other.

[NightWatcher]

34. Whoops, I didn't see yours there

My grandma would also add "well aren't you special"

[sarge43]

9. I've always liked

you've just proved that there is no such thing as unutterable nonsense.

[struggle4progress]

10. Generally when I want to say something like that, I'm happier saying nothing

[cwydro]

11. Yes.

Me too.

[Massacure]

13. Get thee to a nunnery

If thou dost marry, I'll give thee this plague
for thy dowry: be thou as chaste as ice, as pure as
snow, thou shalt not escape calumny. Get thee to a
nunnery, farewell. Or, if thou wilt needs marry,
marry a fool, for wise men know well enough what
monsters you make of them. To a nunnery, go, and
quickly too. Farewell.


Shakespeare uses a double entendre in this passage from Hamlet. Officially a nunnery was a convent for unmarried women, but it was also slang for a whore house.

[NJCher]

17. bzzt, bzzt, we have a winner

That's really excellent. My choice on this thread.


Cher

[shenmue]

14. Go take a running jump

The rest of it is: "at a rolling donut." It's a little more subtle if you don't add that part.

[tomm2thumbs]

15. "your opinion matters?"

a guy in college used to say that in a smiling, dismissive way, and often ended with '...subpoint A, you're stupid' LOL

all in good fun

[Sherman A1]

16. I usually just smile

and try to use kindness as much as possible. They generally don't get it.

[NJCher]

18. can you do an Iranian accent?

'Cuz if you can, say, "Fork you! Fork you!"

We have this Iranian friend with a heavy accent, and that's what he says.


Cher

[raccoon]

19. "Have a nice day." nt

[TuxedoKat]

20. Here is one

to use when someone is bragging about something or someone else excessively, "How nice for you (he, her, them, etc.)".

[GOLGO 13]

21. " I owe you an apology Brad..."

"I owe you an apology, Brad. I always thought that you were a cold, unimaginative, tight-lipped man. But you're really quite emotional, aren't you?"

[stevenleser]

31. Extra points awarded for a Dirty Dozen quote paraphrased!

[GOLGO 13]

45. I try to steal from the very best.

[benld74]

22. I just saw this in Buzzfeed

Vette A Freir Esparragos

Go Fry Asparagus

[pinboy3niner]

23. "Have a pleasant ménage à un"

Said with a sweet smile.

If you want to up your game, make it "ménagerie à un."

[LynneSin]

25. Silence

Just walk away and say nothing. Don't even dignify yourself with a response.

And a good eye roll too!

[lunatica]

26. If to a man stick up your little finger at him

This not only basically says 'go f*^k yourself' in a roundabout way, but it also tells him you thinks he's got a tiny dick. You don't need to say a thing.

[Skittles]

27. I WILL KICK PASSIVE-AGGRESSIVE DEMTENJEEP ASS

YES INDEED

[pinboy3niner]

28. No one can accuse you of being PASSIVE-aggressive

NO INDEED

[Skittles]

29. I have to say

it never occurred to me there are variations on a good old righteous FUCK YOU! No INDEED.

[pinboy3niner]

30. "May a love-starved fruit-fly molest your sister's nectarines."

--Carnac the Magnificent



Also...


•May a desert weirdo lower his figs into your mother's soup.
•May the Shah of Iran seek refuge under your sister's skirt.
•May a diseased yak squat in your hot tub.
•May you get your first French kiss from a diseased camel.
•May your prize bull hate cows.
•May a crazy holy man set fire to your nose hair.
•May your Perrie water be secretly bottled in Tijuana.
•May your only daughter take up with a yak of another faith.
•May a crazed lizard unravel your underwear.
•May a desert nomad do a desert no-no to your sister.
•May a diseased Holy man soil your shelf paper.
•May your platform shoes fail you in a camel pasture.
•May a weird holy man with a rash play with your face.
•May a queasy camel freshen up your mother's evening bath.
•May a sick yak leave a gift in your sock drawer.
•May Orca the Whale relieve himself on your carpet.
•May a nearsighted sand flea suck syrup off your short stack.
•May the winds of the Sahara blow a scorpion up your sister's caftan.
•May a camel with a weak kidney condition find your Hope Chest.
•May a weird Holy man use a Black & Decker tool on your only sister.

[Nuclear Unicorn]

32. Paging Intercourse; party of one.

[NightWatcher]

33. Aw, bless your your little heart

is southern for fu

[lastlib]

35. "Proceed with self-fornication"......

.

Another line I've been using recently since one of the terrorist torture reports came out is "Go rectally feed yourself." Have frequently directed it at Satan Cheney.

[riderinthestorm]

36. You are a boil on a camel's ass

Years ago, someone posted a link to tribal desert curses. So many of them were hilarious it was hard to choose one favorite.

The "boil on a camel's ass" one stuck with me though and has come in handy over the years.

[Iggo]

37. May the blue bird of paradise fly up your kazizzy and eat all your azunga. (n/t)

[clarice]

38. One of the nicest ways I've ever heard...

is the Asian (not sure if Chinese or Japanese) expression/curse .

"May you live forever"

[discntnt_irny_srcsm]

39. Seems to have made its way to Sparta as well

Watch the movie "300".

[clarice]

40. I have,,,, I forgot that that was in there too.nt

[hobbit709]

41. If someone needs to be told that, anything clever would just sail right by them.

[Initech]

42. Just ask Frank Underwood. His initials are FU.

[WinkyDink]

46. Felix Unger was the original joke ("The Odd Couple").

[yawnmaster]

43. Non verbally... for instance, depending on the situation, one of the following expressions...

or

[Major Nikon]

44. Welcome to DU

[Generic Brad]

47. Welcome to my ignore list

That has become a catch phrase for a large number of posters lately. Too bad they won't see this post.

[me b zola]

48. Open handed...

Thumb on nose. Wiggle your fingers. Yup.

[demtenjeep]

49. thank you all

you have given me some great ideas



i have a lot of family that are trump lovers and we generally don't curse at each other even when i so sincerely want to

this gives me some variation

[mia]

50. Good for you.

http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=good%20for%20you

[MerryBlooms]

51. Bugger off, ya wanker. :)

[underahedgerow]

53. 'I'm sure your parents raised in the best way they knew how'....

It's not your fault, really.

[eppur_se_muova]

62. Ooooh, I like that one.

Sort of suggests it's not their fault either -- they faced such limitations.

[Turin_C3PO]

57. Sir (or ma'am), would you please kindly depart and commence fornicating with your person? (nt)

[NobodyHere]

58. "Well, the Jerk Store called...

... and they're running out of you!"

Can't miss.

[a la izquierda]

64. Score for the Seinfeld reference. nt

[Yonnie3]

59. When I was in disagreement with a less than stellar boss or employee I would say

"No doubt time will prove you right," or

"You are a unique individual, so of course you have unique concerns."

My office mates knew that I meant, "I've had enough of you, now f*ck off," and had difficulty containing themselves.

[rug]

60. .

[Major Nikon]

61. ...

http://i.imgur.com/vSP6gEp.webm

[WinkyDink]

63. "Please proceed."

[hopemountain]

65. "sounds like a personal problem"

however, "well, bless your heart!" in the sweetest, drippiest, way works well, too - be sure to lightly place your limp hand over your heart while smiling very, very sweetly. then, dramatically look askance and roll your eyes. if you have a handkerchief or tissue, wave it softly in their direction as you walk away.

or, do not respond verbally at all - just turn around and walk away.