So I have a funeral to attend on Saturday and I have a couple of questions.

[Massacure]

My best friends mother passed away and the funeral is on Saturday in my hometown about two hours away from where I currently live. When I was growing up, I slept over at his house practically every weekend and so I plan on making a trip up to visit. The last time I went to church was over twenty years ago when my grandpa died, and so I'm a little nervous and not sure what to expect.

My friend mentioned that the procession was at a church from 10:00-1:00, but when I read the obituary it said there is also a funeral service after. What exactly is "procession" and how does it differ from a "funeral"? Since my friend did not mention the funeral thing, would it be proper etiquette to assume it is only for the family and that I should duck out before 1:00? If I do attend the actual funeral, will there be a time where we all go up to the priest and get a cracker or something? Are there any other traditions and/or customers that I should be aware about? I feel like I'm going to be a fish out of water.

[hollysmom]

1. Well I am not sure of what the procession is, but in the catholic church

we have a service that can last over an hour if it is a full mass with communion and such or can be short if you are less religious. The funeral is usually at grave side after the service. most people come from the service, close people go to the funeral. The wake is the repast after the funeral and a lot of people attend that as well. the Viewing is a chance for people to visit the casket and give sympathy to the family.
If you know the religion, you can google what they are doing.

[LiberalElite]

4. I was raised RC -

but I left it a long time ago. Maybe some things have changed - I recall the "wake" as the viewing of the deceased (or not if closed casket) at the funeral home.

[liberal N proud]

2. Don't worry about the church thing, lightning isn't going to strike

The processional is the casket, priest and family entering the church. Mourners are usually already seated.

[Massacure]

3. So I should plan on being there at 10:00 and being there for three hours?

[liberal N proud]

5. The funeral mass will not last much more than an hour

And there will be communion, you are not obligated to partake, just remain in your seat.

Never seen a end time on a funeral, maybe that includes grave side services. Maybe there is a lunch.

[Festivito]

6. Not sure. Procession might be driving to cemetary where there could be a short gathering.

Or, a graveside service 5-20 minutes depending on denomination.

Just dress nicely and warmly. Check the weather for an umbrella. And, be there for your friend as long or as short as you feel it.

Chances are he'd love to have you ask about staying there, or at least mentioning it while you say you'll drive up on the same day.

There might be a dinner afterward that will be announced at the event, or handed out to select individuals.

You'll be fine. My condolences to you and your friends.

[TexasBushwhacker]

7. Procession is driving from the church to the gravesite

Then the "funeral" they are talking about is a graveside service. But 3 hours would be a long time for a procession.

Could it be 3 hours for visitation?

[Massacure]

10. That would make a lot of sense

My assumption was three hours to hang out followed by whatever it is the church does.

[TexasBushwhacker]

11. The gravesite service is usually family & close friends n/t

[Fla Dem]

12. It could also include the drive from the Funeral Home to the church.

Just act normally. I sometimes get nervous when I have to attend something I'm not familiar with, but I just tell myself, I'm not the center of attention. Of course offer your condolences to your friend and his family. Regardless of the religious denomination, just do what everyone else does.

I'm sure your friend will be extremely touched that you came to pay your respects. He'll expect no more than your comfort and sharing remembrances from days gone by.

My condolences to you. If you spent every weekend at their home in your youth, you must have many fond memories.

[NanceGreggs]

8. If you know the church involved ...

... call the rectory, parish house, minister's office - whatever, as I don't know the denomination here - and ask your questions. They'll be in the best position to tell you what funereal events will take place, where, the duration thereof, and who is expected/invited to attend.

[Gidney N Cloyd]

14. ^ Best answer.

[Donkees]

9. Sometimes the procession drives past the deceased person's home and the hearse pauses there

for a final 'farewell' on it's way to the burial site.

[Iggo]

13. Church is church. Funerals are funerals.

Show up early. (Easier to ask questions before it starts.)

When everybody's catholic-ing, go through however many motions you're comfortable with. (I won't kneel or line up for crackers and juice, but I've been known to do the stand-up-sit-down stuff.)

Try not to piss off the dead guy's friends. (This really really REALLY ain't the time.)

[WinkyDink]

15. Go. Express condolences to friend. Pay respects to deceased. Sit down. Don't disrespect the service

by saying "cracker."

You're old enough to know better.

[mackerel]

16. This reminds me of my Father's joke

every time we went to the wake he'd say "stuff the bloody bastid and let the wake go on forever"

[So Far From Heaven]

17. Call your friend and reach out.

You'll know what to do after that.

[KentuckyWoman]

18. Look up the funeral home. Call them and ask.

It's late on Friday maybe too late but that's your ticket. Otherwise go and wing it. The funeral director will tell you where to go and what to do.

My husband is Catholic and lately his aunts and uncles have been moving on fairly often. 9 funerals in the last year,

I have no idea how there can be a 3 hr procession. Normally it goes an hour of visitation. This is the place for the non religious types to pay their respects to the departed or to the grieving family. A show of support.

Either someone from the bereavement committee at the church or from the funeral home will gather everyone up who wants to attend mass and get them seated. The family will follow the casket into the church (this is the processional). Mass takes place. Communion in the Catholic church is only for Catholics in good standing. I never go forward and it's no big deal.

If you go to the mass just sit or stand with the crowd and you'll blend in. Or go to the back and sit quietly while they do their thing. Family will generally not notice who was at the mass, just whether it was a good crowd.

Next is the trip to the cemetery. That lasts about 15 minutes. Then everyone splits. Family and invitees often go to a reception back at the church or someone's house after.

You can participate in all or none or anything in between. you'll be fine.