I am beginning to live for me/Also is rude for me to want a Drag Queen as a Role Model.

[Justice wanted]

okay. I'm slowly realizing today I am changing. I nearly died last year. Long story but the short of it had emergency surgery to deal with a Hernia that was about to explode and than while in the hospital(which I firmly believe ended up getting it from the hospital) Developed Fungal Pneumonia nearly died twice. In the hospital for a month. a total of 5 days in ICU. After getting out of the hospital I was still on Oxygen (I never had to live on oxygen before. I get out of surgery and I'm on oxygen They are like we will wheen you off instead they kept having to increase it completely) I end up being on sick leave from work a total of 2 1/2 months. Took me about a month to get off the oxygen. I am still easily winded-but that's not major. I ended up staying at my mom's house to recover because she has a bigger place than my one bedroom place and with cats and oxygen tubes...No, wouldn't be a good idea.

Anyways while at my Mom's listening to her nag about my weight-WHICH yes, hid the Hernia. BUT I will say IF the doctor's actually listened to my complaints when I told them about my issues and how I know my body and there is something wrong with the body they might have found the hernia sooner. Anyways while at my mom's I realized I have to stop trying to please everyone. I need to start living for myself. When I do write I use to always worry about if I write this story or a character a certain way someone might take offense if they saw it ETC...I realized the only person I should worry about is me first other's second. If I am unhappy or miserable I should change it. This is HUGE for me--if people know me they know what a coward I am. So really it has taken me a year to actually put my new views into action. This pass Feb the place I use to work wanted me to take the blame for something that wasn't my fault. It was either take the blame or quit. I stood up for myself. Probably should have thought about it a little more but I basically needed to -at that moment-do something to respect myself.
Also one other good thing about that month I discovered RuPaul's drag race. I have become a HUGE fan of RuPaul. To me Drag Queen going out there and being who they are is just brave in my book. I would love that braveness. So is it very rude or disrepectful to want a Drag Queen to be my Role Model considering I am a straight shy/shelter woman? Or would I be offending the LGTB community?

(I didn't realize I was putting this in the wrong forum. so I moved it.)

[edgineered]

1. It took a year of being patient with

the guys at work (I'm a straight ally) to diffuse their fear and hatred. This is a pretty rough neighborhood for a liberal - that's another story, but they actually watched and enjoyed these two movies that I played at work (a motorcycle shop): The Rocky Horror Picture Show and Dog Day Afternoon. I say Jane Fonda, Rachel Maddow and Nancy Pelosi are my three heroines and nobody even cares anymore.

Being who you are makes you who you are.

[Mopar151]

2. So - who you are is more important than what you are

Sounds like a plan to me.... I was working a corner at a hillclimb a few years ago, with a friend you end up having the dammedest conversations with. (The one about "what animals inhabit your workplace" otta turn into a book) Somehow, drag queens were mentioned, and she announced "You know, I'm all done with normal." "Huh?" "I gotta tell ya - my brother hangs with a bunch of people who do drag shows. And that is the only crowd I know besides these lunatic fringe racers who really care about each other, and watch out for each other for real." Okay... our bunch are certainly unique individuals, and we kinda go out of our way to accept folks as they want to be. Our annual meeting got so fractious and heated a few years ago that we brought in a professional moderator - He told us, after the fray, that "You guys arent the wildmen and crazies you're reputed to be - it 's just that you guys really care about what you do, and getting it right is more important than playing nice. "I know I've seen some tough love administered by some pretty unlikely people, out of real concern - and some very unlikely helping hands and personal growth. I've seen scruffy outlaws become gracious gentlemen in spite of themselves, and rich psycholigists marvel at the wisdom of n'er do well hillbillies.
A wealthy resort owner we were negotiating with asked how so many wildly disparate people get along - because to make our deal work, there are times that ego has to be set aside in an instant. "Well, sometimes you got to get along at a distance." And I think that comes from the same place that RuPaul's line (as quoted on DU) comes from - " I try to come from a place of love, but sometimes you got to break it down for a motherfucker!"
As your'e finding out, bravery isn't bravado. Courage is not fearlessness - it's about staying cool (and finding that strand of titanium in your spine) when you're scared shitless and sometimes, knowing when to shut it down before it blows up.

[Mopar151]

3. An obscure song lyric to consider

So throw your money in a wishin' well

be proud of what you got and who you are
Don't you go changing with every falling star

'cause when they hit the ground you'll follow 'em down and end your life in a wishin' well


Read more: KENTUCKY HEADHUNTERS - WISHIN' WELL LYRICS http://www.metrolyrics.com/wishin-well-lyrics-kentucky-headhunters.html#ixzz1qI0MDBbi
Copied from MetroLyrics.com

[dimbear]

4. As long as you don't opt for J Edgar Hoover, be who you want to be. Consider Divine.

Well, try to outlive him, but still he was something.........

[freshwest]

5. This will be good for you in the long run, although painful now.

I'll tell you why I think this is a good thing for you, although you have a right to be afraid of the unknown.

A few years back all that I had tried to do, and not for the first time, was falling apart along with my health. The majority of people I knew wanted me to play a certain role. I could no longer do, even if I wanted to. I was in a lot of pain, very ill to the point of being unable to function at all, with no help.

As I left my life behind, I found out a lot of things from the internet that changed my world view. Some I have discarded now, but there were a number of songs that kept me going. Some bitter, some defined just how much I wanted to be myself and not what others wanted, and the others about saying goodbye.

It has not been easy, to go off and be myself. Often times the relationships that we have, the chains that others put us into, are a safety net. Then we know that we have grown beyond that. Some are willing to go with us in spirit as we turn into a different person. Others reject us.

The changes you will undergo while doing what you are saying, will not be without fear, pain and loss. But you will feel freer, more at peace, even though some of your familiar comfort zone will be gone forever.

Right now I am contemplating what I would like to do, what would be best for me but have obligations to people who it has been proven to me I cannot leave. So I am waiting. For what, I can't quite say. But I know there is more for me to do and more for me to learn.

Best wishes in this journey.

[Mopar151]

6. Your signature line is good advice.

If there is any good to be gotten from certain portions of my misspent youth, it's this - I know a hallucination when I see one

[lunatica]

7. I don't think it's rude of you at all

What I think is that it's enlightened of you to admire people who are obviously quite brave to fly in the face of 'conventional' mores in order to be honest of who and what they are.

Yet there are those who fly in the face of 'conventional' mores who are not admirable because they aren't being honest. They're being attention whores. Examples are Limbaugh, Coulter and their ilk. They do what they do for attention and money. Not for honesty.

But of course, honesty is something different to everyone. But the honesty I'm talking about is like good art. I know it when I see it, although I can't explain it anymore than anyone else can.

[irisblue]

8. nope, not at all.

some of the queens i know are the bravest women i know. they lived past so many 'shouldas' it blows me away to consider it. as for your mom...well mine can share her opinion, over and over and over, kinda like a dental drill to a brain. i don't live with her, so it's easier to limit the 'eeeeeeeedo it my wayeeeeeee'. i'm in my mid 50s, she still tryie though. i'm working on selective hearing with her and full time hearing impaired loving with her. when she starts the 'eeee' my hearing gets imapired. maybe someothers can give advice that helps more.