I have a friend who I think has postpartum depression.

[Avalux]

Her son is 4 months old. She's been feeling bad for awhile and thought it would go away, but now she's at the point where she can't control her anger; she becomes enraged and screams and throws stuff. Her partner wants her to get help but she doesn't want to; she thinks she can handle it on her own. She told me about this but she didn't get into the nitty gritty about how she feels...just that she has these episodes where she lashes out and she is mad at herself because she can't control it. When I told her she should see a professional because I think she has PPD, she said she won't take medication under any circumstances and that I sound like her partner. She got irritated with me and that pretty much the end of the conversation.

I'm worried sick about her, her child, her partner...I don't think it will end well if she doesn't get help immediately. I don't think she can just 'get better'.

Does anyone have any experience with this? Is there anything I can do?

[LiberalEsto]

1. Go hold the baby so she can run an errand, take a shower, nap, etc.

Just having an extra pair of hands to help out now and then is is a great help to a woman with a newborn.

Encourage her to take a walk outside. Sunlight and exercise both help depression.

Go over and bring dinner - it doesn't have to be fancy, just a simple pasta dish. It's hard to cook while holding a crying baby.

Or let her try taking a nap while you or someone else watches the baby. Sleep deprivation was the worst problem when I had my kids many years ago. Now I'm helping out one of my grown daughters, who has a 5-month-old.


I know these aren't solutions, but knowing you're there giving her a hand could make her more willing to get help for PPD. Treatment doesn't always involve medication either. Here's some info:

http://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/postpartum-depression/basics/definition/CON-20029130

Good luck!

[Avalux]

3. Thank you.

I have been offering to help and the day we had this talk, had taken over some food. Instead of being appreciative she was annoyed...when I asked what was wrong she said she thinks accepting help = she's a bad mother. She's just not the same person she was before the baby.

I remember how exhausted I was too, and sleep deprived; but what I see happening with her is much more than that. I'll keep trying, maybe she will agree to see someone if she knows she doesn't have to take meds.

[LiberalEsto]

5. You are a good friend

It sounds like there are some self-esteem issues going on with her

I found that complimenting my daughter on everything she's doing right is also helpful.

Examples:

It looks like you're really getting the hang of this.

You and your husband seem to be working so well as a team, taking care of the baby.

I like how you've got the baby's clothes and things organized.

Where did you get this cute outfit?

I can't believe you made this great dinner while taking care of the baby!

[Avalux]

6. Those are great - I'll remember when talking to her.

Thank you for replying and giving such good advice.

[Viva_La_Revolution]

2. she should get her thyroid checked too

Pregnancy plays havoc with hormones, and thyroid conditions can cause mood swings. Maybe you can convince her to go to the doc for that, something 'physical' is not as scary as thinking shes going crazy or something.

[Avalux]

4. That's a good idea.

I will let her know - could very well be part of what's going on with her.

[CTyankee]

7. My friend had postpartum psychosis and heard voices that told her to kill her baby.

She went to Yale-New Haven Hospital and they immediately put her in the psych floor and sent the authorities to her apt. but her husband was caring for him and his parents stepped in to care for the baby. She is fine now and her son is turning out to be as brilliant as his mom. She has the most creative mind of anyone I have ever known...

[Avalux]

8. Oh how scary!

It's good to hear everything worked out well for her; sounds as if she had a good support structure too. Was there any indication she was that bad before she went to the hospital?

[grasswire]

14. CT. should you possibly remove some of that identifying info?

We have stalkers here on DU who live to identify anyone they can and cause trouble for them in the real world. Just sayin...

[riderinthestorm]

10. She may not need meds. Talk therapy can be very effective

She needs to see someone

[mnhtnbb]

11. Yes. I agree.

It's a huge transition to being a mom, being responsible for the life of a baby. Lots of sleep deprivation.
Lots of wondering if you are doing the right thing.

I agree with many of the suggestions how to help upthread.

Being able to get away--to just go read a book in the other room, take a nap, take a walk, go to the store
without having to time everything for naps, feedings, etc., is a huge challenge.

I did not have family to help when my babies were little. Fortunately, I could afford sitters. I hired
college students to come twice a week for several hours in the afternoon so I could do things without
the baby. It was a regular job for them...and I paid them well. We're still in touch with some of these sitters--25+ years
later!

[riderinthestorm]

12. Iirc, your husband is a psychiatrist so you know what I'm saying

Sometimes with a new baby.you lose sight of the big picture of your life. You just need validation that you CAN leave them in the care of a sitter just because you need to ger your hair done and go for a walk

[vanlassie]

13. Have a look at this.

http://www.uppitysciencechick.com/Non-drug_treatments.pdf