What is your tolerance level when it comes to indiscretions from a friend's friend?

[Baitball Blogger]

Many of us have found ourselves in the same position. We have a close bond with someone. Could be a friend, or a closer bond like a relative. What makes the relationship so strong is the understanding that the person is a menschen. A person who is so decent that they had to come up with a special term to define them.

However, the trait that makes this person so decent is also a trait that can be exploited by others, especially by people he or she has allowed into his inner circle of friends. You watch from a distance as his or her old school age friends cross the line over and over and there's really nothing you can do about it. Even if you could show your friend or relative that they are being lied to or used, it would just create a source of anxiety for them.

And that's where some really surreal things can happen. So this post isn't about trying to open your friends eyes to what is happening, since that isn't who they are. You have to accept them and their position, especially if they are not being financially harmed by the indiscretions. But I am curious to find out what others have had to watch from a distance, knowing there's nothing you can do to change anything?

[Tobin S.]

1. Watching one of my sisters being in an abusive relationship was tough.

She is my step-sister and her dad just about killed the guy when he found out that he had crossed the line from verbal harassment to physical abuse. That still didn't stop her from seeing him, though. I'm not sure what did it for her, but she eventually ended up marrying a nice guy.

There was nothing anyone could say or do to keep her from seeing the abusive boyfriend short of doing what my step-dad almost did.

[Baitball Blogger]

2. I'm stuck in a similar bystander dilemma.

My friend is married and told me her husband struck her. I feel I should do something about it, but, it's not up to me, outside of offering my home for shelter if she needs it. Financially she knows she would be worse off without him. I don't understand it. Maybe I never will.

[Avalux]

3. Forget about understanding her.

Be a support and be honest; let her know what he did is not ok and why without being judgmental.

It's incredibly difficult to watch a friend stay in a situation that may harm them yet they seem to be unable to get out, especially if the reason for staying is financial. Offering your home if she needs it might be what gives her the courage to leave. I had a friend who helped me in much the same way and I will be forever grateful to them.

[Baitball Blogger]

4. I will try to keep that door open, then.

It's not that easy to do these days. Our politics have taken us down different paths. I hope she knows that I will always be here for her if she needs me.

[Avalux]

5. Then tell her that, repeatedly. If she's in a really bad place she may not believe it.

Another thing you can do is when you think of her, recall why you like her and why you're friends - good things - instead of any difficulties. It will help you stay grounded instead of being dragged into negativity when interacting with her. I really hope she finds a way to leave her abuser.

[Baitball Blogger]

6. I needed to hear that.

It gets trying, sometimes because of her political leanings. But, you take that aside and she's a good person at heart.

[Avalux]

7. You're an angel for caring so much.

I remember when I decided to leave I was terrified. I also had no self-esteem which made the decision even more difficult...hard to even recall who I was then because I'm completely different now. People like you make all the difference.