I need to cry. I've needed to cry all summer

[magical thyme]

but the tears just don't come. Instead I walk around with a big lump in my throat. I've tried watching sad movies, but the lump just stays there. I've tried listening to sad songs, but the lump just keeps growing bigger.

[fizzgig]

1. a bottle of wine and brokeback mountain usually does it for me

[riderinthestorm]

2. A big hug from someone who really means it usually does it for me.

I'm really sorry about this.

Your work situation on top of a horrid winter would have left me bawling a while back.

[Xyzse]

3. I have been dealing with things as well.

I still could not figure things out. Unfortunately, it has been over a month plus for me now, and I just had to put it aside.

Like grief it comes in waves.

I am sorry for what you are going through, I am not really sure what to say as we all process things differently.

I had to just write letters to organize my thoughts. They are things I would never send, but that feeling of helpless impotence remains.

Hugs are always offered.

[magical thyme]

4. I had posted a month ago about a former DUer who had contacted me out of the blue

back in January, with cancer. We remained in frequent email contact through the winter into spring, after which it became more sporadic as she deteriorated. In June and July I only got a couple emails stating that she was too tired to write so she was going to sleep and would write later.

And then at the end of July, she wrote asking if I could call her. It was the final week of 6 weeks of a heavier than planned work schedule and I was too exhausted to deal with it. But I also could tell from her recent emails that she had no memory of what was going on, really. I wasn't even sure if she had any idea who she was emailing. We had talked a couple times on the phone. The last time, she had been hallucinating (the cancer had spread to her brain).

After writing about it here in the Lounge, I knew I could give myself the week or two I needed before picking up the phone.

It was too late for her though. And I found out this past weekend that she passed away about 2 weeks after my last email from her.

And I realized today that I miss her presence. I miss being needed by somebody, and having a sounding board for myself too. I miss the sense of purpose she gave me in helping her through her final 6 months.

[femmocrat]

10. I am very sorry about your friend, MT.

It was good that you kept in touch with her during her illness. I'm sure you brightened her days even if she seemed confused. She is at peace now.... let peace come to you as well.

[laundry_queen]

11. Huge hugs to you.

That period between the shock and the tears is the worst. I don't really have any advice, but just know I'm thinking of you.

[clarice]

5. I LIKE YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU !!! nt

[Marie Marie]

14. Me too.

Wishing you better days where the need to cry won't be an issue. Sending you a great big ol

[ailsagirl]

6. Crying is such a catharsis

I wish you luck in attaining that. I'm sure you will soon.

[applegrove]

7. Try the Beatles "Golden Slumbers".

[dixiegrrrrl]

8. Excellent version here..

[panader0]

9. If I drink enough beer, a dog food commercial can make me cry...

"Aw, look at that beautiful dog, and the kind owner, and the love they share, sniff, sniff...."

[bigwillq]

12. Onions?

[magical thyme]

17. onion tears do not provide catharsis or relieve buildup of stress biochemicals

their biochemical makeup is different than that of stress tears.

[mackerel]

13. Have you consider starting out with a big yelling fest?

[magical thyme]

16. had a spontaneous one weeks ago triggered by a severe bite by my cockatoo.

the immediate relief was followed by deep regret, due to the impact of yelling on my fur- and feather-babies. My jealous and possessive senegal attacked my cockatoo, who latched onto my elbow. Mercifully, no tendon, ligament or joint damage, but the pain was excrutiating, bleeding profuse, and much chaos ensued.

Finally crying gave the stress relief I needed. Miss CodyCarrottops sat on my shoulder gently preening the back of my neck and clucking sympathetically,while Jerry sat on my head and preened my hair.

Jake is still carrying dirty socks around...something he hasn't done since he was a puppy.

[magical thyme]

15. Thank you, all! Dogs on the Inside did it for me...

The sad, sad beginnings.The crying inmates and frightened, abandoned doggies. The happy endings.

I feel hugely relieved today. Loss of job is a good thing. I'm in a major life transition into final crone stage of my life and the lab is in every respect too toxic an environment to be steeping in for such an important time.

I'm starting to spend September the way I'd envisioned. It will all work out...it always does.

In honor of Dr. Wayne Dyer, I'm re-reading Your Erroneous Zones. Should have done this long ago.

Namaste...