Here's a question...why do so many people look down with disdain...

[clarice]

on people who have a bright, optimistic attitude. They look at you like
you have some sort of an affliction !

[Kali]

1. bite me

just kidding

[hermetic]

2. Oh Kali

People have often said to me, "Cheer up, things could be worse." So I did, and they were.

Seriously, though, to be optimistic and hopeful in the face of despair is a fine art. One usually not really appreciated until you've gone. When you die, which we all will, people will say about you that you always had a smile and a kind word, and I think that's about the greatest tribute ever. So, hang in there.

[KMOD]

3. hahahaha

[clarice]

4. Believe me.....If you were standing in front of me....

I WOULD bite you....right on your cute little bottom. Be well !!!!

[Gidney N Cloyd]

5. Not disdain but I figure "well, there's ANOTHER ONE I'm going to have to do all the worrying for."

[hobbit709]

6. An optimist may have a better outlook but a pessimist collects on more bets.

And Murphy is god.

[trof]

7. I only have disdain for people with tatoos.

Last edited Wed Sep 2, 2015, 06:13 PM - Edit history (1)

[a la izquierda]

22. How come? Just curious.

[MerryBlooms]

8. I once had a client complaint against me...

"She's too perky in the morning"... I'm not shitting you. I was the Administrator for an after/before school program, and that was the only complaint I ever had. I was too perky. lol

That's just who I am, I wake up happy.

[clarice]

14. Exactly what I am talking about.nt

[Arugula Latte]

15. Oops.

Just saw I was beaten to the Lou Grant quote.

Okay, now I'm even crankier!!!

[CreekDog]

9. did you grow weary of the IRS bashing thread you started?

Seems like it. If you can't take the reaction, don't post what started it.

[UTUSN]

18. Or, the TX Ranger thread, about a genocidal wingnut who was "cute". n/t

[clarice]

38. Humor makes the world go 'round. You should try some. nt

[Xipe Totec]

10. Because looking up with disdain is harder and just not worth the effort. nt

[laundry_queen]

11. I'll tell you why

Even is this is just a rhetorical question I'm going to respond anyway.

Because most 'positive' people I've come across are incredibly fake and invalidating. When I've had friends who are 'positive' people, they also tend to not be very empathetic people. They tend to do a lot of minimizing and changing the subject. Or they play devil's advocate. If I say "The drive to work today was so frustrating, I got stuck behind someone doing 30 in a 60kph zone" and they'll say "Well, you know, technically 60 is a limit so you shouldn't really be upset someone was going 30" If you have any problems at all, they don't really want to hear it and will tell you that you just need to look on the bright side. If you have bad luck or go through something traumatic, they'll subtly suggest your crappy attitude is to blame. Yet, when they go through something they will suck you dry. And then turn around and tell everyone they got through it with their positive attitude (and definitely not because you were there for them - and when you need them to be there for you, they will suggest you need to just 'think positive' to get through it, and they will disappear until you aren't 'so depressing'.) And they don't like to commit to anything or feel any responsibility to commitments because they want to just 'have fun' and 'be positive'. I've had so many 'positive' people flake out on me, it's ridiculous.

So yeah, my experience with the 'positive at any cost' people has not been good. Not saying my experience is the same as everyone else's so YMMV but when I meet someone who is over the top positive, I keep my distance, and perhaps there is disdain. I'm definitely wary now.

I would also like to state that people who are simply naturally optimistic are not the issue - it's the forced 'positive thinker' types who feel the need to broadcast how positive they are, and turn every situation, even dire ones, into a happyhappyjoyjoy lecture.

And yes, I'm a bit of a cynic, and I can be pessimistic, but I'm also optimistic at the same time. I have had people tell me I'm funny, charismatic and fun to be around, so I don't think I'm the Debbie Downer type. But I'm not going to force myself to 'think positive' in a crappy situation. It's dismissive.

[Joe Shlabotnik]

13. +1 great answer

I completely agree, also I'd add that many positive people have cushy lives, and good, interesting jobs. And some people are positive because they live in denial or defer to things like Faith.

[clarice]

30. What a strange perception.nt

[Arugula Latte]

16. The worst manifestation of the "Always keep a positive attitude!" true believers is

the pressure some of them put on people who are dealing with serious diseases. It's as if people whose cancer advances are bringing that development on themselves because of their negative brainwaves, when in reality it's because of stuff happening on a cellular level that has nothing to do with happy or unhappy thoughts. In a way it's a form of victim blaming I find disturbing.

Disclaimer: I'm not saying that all happy, positive people do this.

[laundry_queen]

17. Soooo BTDT

I've known people who do that. I was told my difficult labors were because I wasn't positive enough about labor pain, or that I was subconsciously not ready to be a parent. Or something along those lines.

Or yes, I've heard the comments about people causing their own cancer because of 'emotional blockages' and so on. I find it disturbing as well.

[clarice]

31. Again, those people aren't "positive". They're NUTS !!!! nt

[magical thyme]

21. +1B or so.

just had that happen the other day.

Totally invalidating and frankly toxic. Denial solves nothing.

[raccoon]

23. Great post. Such people are full of it. nt

[hibbing]

24. and I thought I was the only one

I don't think I'm all that much of a downer. I consider myself a realist and yes, some cynicism too. However, I work with a bunch of these all positive people, talk about exhausting. Then I wonder if they feel the same about me! I recognize a lot of the same feelings in myself in your post, thanks for making me feel a little less alone.

Peace

[clarice]

29. lol. You are talking about NUTS...I'm talking about positive people. nt

[callous taoboy]

53. My god, spot on.

You describe the woman who teaches next to me. She keeps her fangs well-oiled and hidden from view, but I know they are there.

[csziggy]

12. I've got to go with Lou Grant on this

[betsuni]

19. Help is available:

[clarice]

28. lol. I think that it should be the other way around. nt

[callous taoboy]

54. Bwaaaaaaaa Ha ha hah ahh ah. Made my day!

Of course, I was very somber throughout watching it.

[mucifer]

20. As they say "Ignorance is bliss"

Yeah, I'm a bitter old woman. Wish I was happy and optimistic. So probably lots of us are jealous of people like you.

[clarice]

26. Oh...BELIEVE me....I definitely have my moments too !!

I really don't think that there is any jealousy involved.

[qwlauren35]

50. Actually,

I think there is jealousy/envy. I envy morning people. I will never be one. I've tried. And I will never be perky. It's just not me. The ability to be optimistic even when life is handing you SERIOUS lemons is a gift. However, I don't doubt that people may think you're perky because you don't have normal, every day problems, and that is something I would also envy.

[ailsagirl]

25. Good quote!

[clarice]

27. Love that one. nt

[ailsagirl]

32. I just discovered it!!

And it's no less true today than it was in 180 AD

[clarice]

35. You betcha....

What is your theory on negative people?

[ailsagirl]

39. That's a complicated question and it's such a complex subject

A few thoughts:

I don't think humans are geared to be perpetually happy-- I mean, it's just not possible. One needs to
undergo the bad times in order to experience the highs. This I do believe.

Having said that, I need to differentiate between being down and rebounding (and being philosophical
about it) and being a toxic person who sees only the negative in a given situation. The former is OK,
the latter can eat away at a person like a cancer.

Parenthetically I wanted to add that I'm a big believer in cognitive behavioral therapy. There is a book
which is one of the most important I've read and I absolutely would recommend it to anyone who is
having a hard time-- and who of us doesn't from time to time?

At the risk of sounding overly dramatic, it changed my life.

http://bpdfamily.com/book_review/david_burns.htm

[clarice]

40. Your not going to believe this, but I HAVE that book ! My Daughter was going through a rough time. n

[ailsagirl]

41. No kidding!!!

IMO, it's the very best book she could be reading.

Wow!!

[clarice]

42. I agree...it is excellent. Thanks. nt

[ailsagirl]

43. To bring it full circle...

you betcha'!!

[clarice]

44. lol. You are a HOOT !!!!! nt

[ailsagirl]

45. Just call me...

[clarice]

46. Owl keep my eye on you. nt

[ailsagirl]

47. Can't top that one-- touché!!

Thanks for making me LOL!! Love it!!




Laughing is so good for the soul!!

[lunatica]

33. Because they're cynical and bitter

[clarice]

37. Curious, do you think that's by nature? or a learned behavior? nt

[ailsagirl]

48. Ah... the nature/nurture question

Last edited Wed Sep 2, 2015, 05:53 PM - Edit history (1)

Did science ever answer that to our satisfaction??

[clarice]

49. If I had to guess, I would say that BOTH are very important. nt

[CanSocDem]

34. "All in the state of mind"

If you think you are beaten you are.
If you think you dare not you don't.
If you'd like to win but think you can't
It's almost a cinch you won't.
If you think you'll lose-you've lost.
For out in the world you find
Success begins with a fellows will:
It's all in the state of mind.

..................................................

If you think you're outclassed you are;
You've got to think high to rise:
You've got to be sure of yourself before
You can ever win a prize.
Life's battles don't always go
To the stronger or fastest man;
But soon-or late-the man who wins
Is the fellow who-thinks he can.

Author unknown.


.

[clarice]

36. lol....I have that one framed on my office wall. nt

[mackerel]

51. In the last ten years I've grown to admire optimistic people.

[clarice]

52. Thanks....but there IS a difference between "Optimistic" and "annoyingly perky". lol.nt