Breaking the ply barrier
[font color=330099]Being a towel, I was intrigued then amused when I stumbled across this 1998 article from The Onion. Please enjoy and don't forget to bring a towel![/font]
Bounty Officials Approve Third Ply
CINCINNATIIn what is being touted as the most technologically advanced spill-containment system ever, Bounty officials unveiled its breakthrough three-ply paper towel Monday.
Long regarded as an impossibility by the world's top paper-towel engineers, the revolutionary three-ply towel features a patented triple-weave moisture blotter that exponentially increases strength and absorbency without sacrificing softness.
Bounty officials called the new towel "the quickest picker-upper in human history."
"By breaking the three-ply barrier, Bounty has achieved a level of spill-absorption power competing paper-towel manufacturers can only dream of," Bounty vice-president of product development Randolph Stenzel said. "This is a very exciting time to be at Bounty."
Developed at a reported cost of $2 billion, the new towel is the first to feature the Oblitersorb moisture-punishing system. The advanced system, located deep within the core of the third ply, uses special anti-wetness agents to trap moisture inside walled micro-chambers. Once trapped, the moisture is violently pummeled into submission by a contracting textile-weave lattice-grid and then converted to simple molecular form and rereleased into the home's atmosphere as inert gases. Strategically placed vent points in the paper towel's quilted surface aid in the dispersal of the harmless vapors.
Read more:
http://www.theonion.com/article/bounty-officials-approve-third-ply-491