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Related: Culture Forums, Support ForumsMy friend died Tuesday
She stopped by last Thursday evening, the day before my husband and I left for vacation. She had forgotten my grandson's birthday and had a little gift for him. We had a nice short visit, and we planned to get in touch when we got home, so we could meet somewhere the grand kids could play. I got a call Tuesday morning, just before 7 AM, from her fiance, who told me all in a rush, maybe so he wouldn't cry, that she had had a massive heart attack in her sleep and died. I was with both my daughters and their husbands, and our grand kids. My sons-in-law had taken the kids fishing, and my younger daughter was sleeping in. My friend would have been my younger daughter's mother-in-law, but 20 years ago, her son, who would have been my son-in-law, died in a car accident. After time passed, my daughter moved away from her grief and loss, and met the man who would become her husband. But my friend was like a mother-in-law to her and was an anchor in her life. We live in a small town. A long time ago, my friend and my daughter's husband's mother were in the hospital at the same time having their sons. So we were all friends and shared my daughter's life, shared the grand kids, stayed in each other's lives. I had to tell my daughter, and she had to tell her kids. My grand son came from the bedroom and looked at me. "Aunt Ree" is all he said. He is only 6, but he knows he won't see her again. She was only 67, and her passing is so sudden and leaves such a hole, I can't imagine all of us going on without her kindness, confidence, energy. My daughter came home from the beach yesterday to help her family. We came home today so we can go to the funeral tomorrow. My daughter remembered that our friend loved the luminaries at Christmas, so all of our friends got together today and placed luminaries all along the streets in her neighborhood. I didn't get to see it, but I imagine there were hundreds of lights shining in her memory. I lit 1 luminary and put it on my porch when we got home. I want to be a better friend to my friends. We are all busy, with work, family, community, church, neighbors, but after this sad loss of a good friend, I want to make time to see my friends, call them, do something with them. I hope that by writing about my friend Marie, maybe someone else will know that this is the time to be a better friend. None of us know when we'll lose a loved one, and I need to remember that.
mnhtnbb
(31,404 posts)Indeed, sudden death is so shocking.
The luminaries sound like a wonderful tribute to her. They must have been beautiful.
auntAgonist
(17,252 posts)you've lost a friend and I hope your memories that fill your heart will sustain you at this very sad time.
aA
kesha
Rhiannon12866
(206,016 posts)What you wrote is a beautiful testament, sounds like she was really a part of your family. And she was very fortunate to have you - and your close family - as a part of her life, too.
Tipperary
(6,930 posts)I lost a close friend very unexpectedly some years ago. She was just 62 and a wonderful person in every way.
It is a shock. I still think of her and miss her very much. Your post is a beautiful tribute to your friend. My sincere condolences.
shenmue
(38,506 posts)sheshe2
(83,898 posts)So very sorry for your loss. Marthe.
murielm99
(30,761 posts)Laffy Kat
(16,386 posts)No wonder you were shocked. I'm so sorry.
irisblue
(33,023 posts)niyad
(113,552 posts)tribute here. may you, and all who love her, find peace and comfort.
babylonsister
(171,091 posts)I understand and mourn your loss. And maybe you taught me how fragile and valuable friends are, so thanks.
nomorenomore08
(13,324 posts)MerryBlooms
(11,771 posts)bigwillq
(72,790 posts)magical thyme
(14,881 posts)Tom_Foolery
(4,691 posts)Initech
(100,102 posts)I had a friend / coworker who passed away from a massive heart attack last week. It was very sudden and unexpected. Things like this don't get any easier.
roguevalley
(40,656 posts)or anyone to take care of. Live boldly, honey, and know you are loved.
Marthe48
(17,019 posts)I went to the funeral today, and it was comforting to be among so many friends. A lot of her close family were cheered by the luminaries. There were 250 set from the end of her street to her house. After I came home, I called one of my friends and messaged another. Marie and her son are laid to rest in the same cemetery, a calm old churchyard way out in the country, on top of a hill, surrounded by trees. It is peaceful there, and I took some of it away with me. Thank you for caring.
Snobblevitch
(1,958 posts)Your story tells me that your family were am important part of her life for many years just as she was important in your life.
A few years ago my widowed father had heart surgery. About a week after the surgery he got a call from a couple who were close friends for almost 50 years. Our families were close. Their children were our best friends (my siblings and I). We went on summer vacations together. My father was thrilled to hear from them. (He was in Arizona for the winter, they wintered in Florida). They spoke for close to an hour. Just a day later my father learned they were in a car accident and died just a few hours after that phone call.
Marthe48
(17,019 posts)I'm sorry for your Dad's loss.
Mary's fiance told me yesterday that she loved us because we kept her in the family. I said, "But it was Marie who kept us in her family."
I guess that is the wonderful part of a good friendship, both people are grateful for the other
Snobblevitch
(1,958 posts)one friendship in their lifetime thatyou and your friend shared.
There is some good news about that story...my dad is doing well at age 85.
kairos12
(12,872 posts)MrMickeysMom
(20,453 posts)Some have few members of their "family tree", but we always have the ability to extend that family. It's wonderful if you make a life-long friend. We are so lucky to have established friends, especially as you described your loved, departed friend.
Our lives are so enriched by these moments and memories of what we build in friendship. The loss is so hard, too.
I'm very sorry for your loss.
Thank you for your special message, Marthe48.
Marthe48
(17,019 posts)but my Dad owned a grocery store and we always had a lot of friends. My husband has a very large family, and many of them on both sides have made me feel like part of the gang We also have hosted 6 high school exchange students, and were part of a mentor program for international students at Marietta College. I always wanted to be a good friend to my friends. If I didn't love them with my whole heart, why be friends? I think of the poem ...'every man's death diminishes me...'
I love Facebook, because I have been able to get back in touch with some high school and college friends, and we just picked up where we left off.
Thank you for your perspective.