Your tax dollars at work.

[clarice]

Here is a list of my personal worst of the worst in federal waste:

Swedish massages for rabbits: $387,000

The National Institutes of Health paid this six figure sum to the National Center for Complimentary and Alternative Medicine in order to discern whether Swedish massages would be helpful in recovering from an illness.

“A group of rabbits received daily rub downs from a 'mechanical device that simulates the long, flowing strokes used in Swedish massages.'”
Teaching Mountain Lions to Ride a Treadmill: $856,000

The National Science Foundation shelled out nearly a million taxpayer dollars to determine if captive mountain lions could be trained to ride a treadmill. The University of California-Santa Cruz researcher even boasted about receiving the grant saying, “People just didn’t believe you could get a mountain lion on a treadmill, and it took me three years to find a facility that was willing to try.” If anyone was wondering, it took the lions all of eight months to learn.

Studying how many times “hangry” people stab a voodoo doll: $331,000

After teaching mountain lions about treadmills, the National Science Foundation also funded a study to come up with the self evident conclusion that hungry people tend to be more angry and aggressive. They tested this theory by allowing spouses to poke pins into voodoo dolls as their “hanger” grew.

“Over the course of twenty-one consecutive evenings, 107 couples were given a chance to stick up to 51 pins into a voodoo doll representing their spouse. The pin-pushing happened in secret, away from the other partner. Participants then recorded the number of pins they poked into the dolls. Those tests revealed what may already be obvious to many couples: a spouse with low blood sugar was an angrier one, and stuck more pins in the doll.”
Studying the gambling habits of monkeys: $171,000

Another NSF grant funded the study of gambling monkeys. Under the guise of studying the “hot-hand bias” in human gamblers, the University of Rochester devised a computer game, taught monkeys to play it, and studied how they responded to winning and losing. A doctoral candidate who worked on the study seemed pleased to learn, “Luckily, monkeys love to gamble.” Taxpayers, on the other hand, will not be pleased to find out this study is set to continue through May of 2018.

Producing the children’s musical: Zombie in Love: $10,000


ype="node" title="Zombielove
The National Endowment for the Arts funded the production of a musical to die for. Aimed at children four and up, the musical tells the story of Mortimer the teenage zombie and his quest to find love and happiness. The NEA officials justified this use of tax money by saying that Mortimer “exemplifies anyone who has felt like an outsider.”

Funding a “Stoner Symphony”: $15,000

The location of this performance shouldn’t shock anyone. What is sure to shock taxpayers is the amount of their money that was provided to the Colorado Symphony Orchestra to host “Classically Cannabis: The High Note Series.” Not only was the program pot-related, the people were encouraged to inhale (and chow down) while watching.

“One of the three concerts, called Summer Monsoon, advertised on its website this way, ‘Smoke up and fill your belly with Manna’s spiced pork, Sesame Seed Teriyaki Chicken, & Filipino Empanadas.’”
Subsidizing Alpaca Poop: $50,000

In addition to this project making the cut for Sen. Coburn, this little gem was also covered by CNSNews.com last month. The U.S. Department of Agriculture shelled out a hefty sum to help develop and market Alpaca “Poop Packs” for use as fertilizer. This is government waste, literally.

Synchronized Swimming for Sea Monkeys: $307,524

This project garnered the support of three government agencies (National Science Foundation, Office of Naval Research, and U.S.-Israel Binational Science Foundation). In an effort to study the swirl created when sea monkeys move throughout the water, researchers developed a “laser guided,” “choreographed” team of synchronized swimming sea monkeys.

Produce a “Hallucinatory” Roosevelt/Elvis show: $10,000

In what could quite possibly be the weirdest project on this list, the NEA helped fund the production of a show about the hallucinatory journey of a girl pretending to be Elvis and gallivanting around with America’s 26th president.

“In one scene, Ann hallucinates that she is Elvis, and that she and Teddy are romping around their hotel room in their underwear, with Teddy eventually riding around on Elvis’s back as though he were a bucking bronco.”

[GeorgeGist]

1. Not quite satire.

But close.

[clarice]

2. I'm afraid that those are REAL. Yikes! nt

[clarice]

3. I guess no one else is offended by this. nt

[pinboy3niner]

41. How the GOP uses "government waste" hit pieces like this...

Scalise says GOP bill targets wasteful studies, but Dems say real target is climate change work
http://www.democraticunderground.com/10026704463

[LeftinOH]

4. The rabbit massage thing could be done on humans

(at least they'd be getting a nice massage out of it).

[clarice]

5. Where do we sign up? nt

[TeamPooka]

6. Usually I only see atttacks on science and the arts like this from hard core conservatives.

"Dang that gubment spending." they always say, then throw a bunch of bullshit against the wall.


Note to self...ignore clarice.

[clarice]

8. You certainly are taking liberties. Grow up. nt

[clarice]

10. Also, try to develop a sense of humor. It really helps. nt

[Hell Hath No Fury]

31. You DID see an attack from a hardcore conservative --

Check down thread. That little list was brought to you -- word for word -- by Sen. Coburn (R).

[TeamPooka]

33. :) Ha. Almost makes me want to unblock clarice to hear the explanation. Almost. nt

[WestSideStory]

39. +1

[BlueJazz]

45. I agree with you. There have been lots of breakthroughs that have come from scientific studies..

...that the average person would say "That's damn stupid and silly"

One of them (I'll make it short) Lonely rats tend to take drugs that harm themselves about 7 times more than rats that have a nice environment and communicate with other rats. (They used several water bottles...some with drugs and some with just H2O)

[TeamPooka]

46. Well siad. Small minds live in a small world. nt

[Tobin S.]

7. I'd rather it be spent on that stuff than bombs.

[clarice]

9. Really, how about just taking that money and paying down the debt? Doesn't that make sense? nt

[Avalux]

47. If this money was thrown at the debt, wouldn't matter.

I don't have a problem with a little bit of my money being spent on these 'frivolous' things that support science and the arts. Now if we really want to talk about paying down the debt, let's look at how we can take from the defense budget.

[clarice]

48. Ok...I hear ya.....but don't you think that defense is kinda important? nt

[Avalux]

49. Yes of course it is, but it's obscene how much is spent.

The military industry charges the government inflated prices so they make money, and many in our government have ties to these companies and benefit financially from the whole set up. There's a lot of money to be made in war readiness and war itself. But anytime there's a mention of cutting the defense budget, those who stand to lose money scream the loudest, and try to scare us into thinking we're all going to die if we do.

[clarice]

50. Agreed !!!!!nt

[Dont call me Shirley]

11. How about this gubmint waste?

http://www.google.com/imgres?imgurl=&imgrefurl=http://www.economicpopulist.org/content/show-me-money-waste-and-fraud-iraq-start&h=252&w=247&tbnid=gA7AY7vs1s0sTM:&zoom=1&docid=w2cCpOfKshuVEM&hl=en-US&ei=49RbVYPKMMb2sAXcnIHIAQ&tbm=isch&ved=0CCQQMygGMAY

[clarice]

12. Outside of Mississippi, I believe it's spelled "government". nt

[Dont call me Shirley]

13. I should have put quotes around "gubmint"

I was really trying to point out the massive chunk of waste comes from the mic. And now they want another $610 billion? More pallets full of billions, maybe in Iran this time?

[clarice]

14. I hope to hell not !!! (and I know what you meant by "gubmint") lol. thanks nt

[Dont call me Shirley]

15. Thumbs up, clarice...

[alarimer]

16. Typical anti-government outrage without context.

Complimentary and alternative medicine IS bogus bullshit, but we need data to back that up. That's what the first study is purported to do.

You provide no links to these examples of government "waste" so how are we supposed to know if they are even true? The blurbs are completely lacking any context. You also do not state whether these things were done by government agencies or if the government only provided the funding.

[clarice]

21. Typical? How so? nt

[TeamPooka]

42. you got nothing to say except the talking points providided for you by a GOP Senator?

You had multiple chances to explain this action.
I wouldn't expect anything else from you at this point

[clarice]

43. It's "You HAVE nothing to say" No thanks necessary. nt

[TeamPooka]

44. Did the GOP senator tell you to say that too? Sounds like him. #parrot. nt

[uppityperson]

18. 2 big problems here. Hugely more money is wasted in military and no links mean this could be fiction

I'd like to see links, and can see reasons for most of those, depending on a large # of factors. But compare all those to how much was wasted Iraq or even currently in the military.

[clarice]

22. Do you actually think that I sat here and made all of those things up? lololol

[discntnt_irny_srcsm]

25. And speaking of waste...

...there's a fine idea for some.

[pinboy3niner]

23. It's based on former Sen. Tom Coburn's annual waste report last year

Top 20 Worst Ways the Government Wasted Your Tax Dollars
By Curtis Kalin | October 23, 2014 | 11:36 AM EDT

Every year, Oklahoma Senator Tom Coburn and his staff compile an exhaustive volume of wasteful government spending from that year. The 2014 tome is chock full of government waste ranging from the redundant to the downright absurd. Oh, and by the way, the U.S. national debt is approaching $18 trillion.

Here is a list of my personal worst of the worst in federal waste:

Swedish massages for rabbits: $387,000

...


http://cnsnews.com/mrctv-blog/curtis-kalin/top-20-worst-ways-government-wasted-your-tax-dollars

[uppityperson]

27. Thank you, I appreciate a link rather than snark. Still, military wastes SO much more money

And seriously, thanks for the link.

[Hell Hath No Fury]

30. That's not BASED on --

that is word for word Sen. Coburn's list!

So, Clarice, would you care to tell us why you are choosing to troll us with a cut and paste job from a RW GOPer?? Hmmmm???

[TeamPooka]

34. GOP OP and the straw man answer a question with a question tactics might make this a MIRT issue

[pinboy3niner]

40. It's lifted directly from the CNS article I linked by conservative writer Curtis Kalin

Kalin is Communications Director for CNS News, which was created by RW firebrand Brent Bozell as an arm of his conservative 'Media Research Center.'

I was curious why the OP, which appeared to have been written by someone else, was posted without a source link or attribution to the actual author. After the poster ignored or dismissed requests for links I googled a snippet of the text and that led to the Kalin article at Bozell's CNS site.

CNS sells its content to RW websites like breitbart and townhall and its terms of use make it clear that all of its content is copyright-protected.

What I found most disappointing was that the original author was not credited, not even when repliers asked for a link or source i.d. Not to mention it's from a conservative source writing about a GOP Senator's hit-piece report demonizing government programs. What's not to love?

[Sanity Claws]

19. My personal worst of worst

involve war and killing.
Billions have been spent using our soldiers as cannon fodder, killing others, and alienating nations for generations. IMHO, your list pales in comparison.
Next on my list of worst of the worst would be the money spent to prop up banks.

[clarice]

20. I wasn't making a comparison.....are you saying that those are legit government expenditures? nt

[Sanity Claws]

24. You were making comparisons

This is exactly what you said:
Here is a list of my personal worst of the worst in federal waste

Making a list of the worst of the worst is definitely making comparisons.

My list will always start with the moneys squandered in war, killing, hate.
BTW, not one item on your list of your worst of the worst has been substantiated with a link to any kind of source. Without even seeing the full story behind your list of alleged expenditures, it is quite obvious that some are clearly legitimate.

[pinboy3niner]

28. These "waste reports" cherry-pick the things that SOUND absurd

To accept the conclusions blindly is to convict after hearing only the prosecution's case. With a little googling you can find other viewpoints that differ on the facts and conclusions. It would be a mistake to judge the legitimacy and value of these programs based on a one-sided presentation.

[hobbit709]

26. spending billions on a plane that won't fly-the F35.

[F4lconF16]

29. Some of this is fine.

I don't know how much you actually looked into these, but some seem fine to me.

Studying the gambling habits of monkeys: $171,000

Another NSF grant funded the study of gambling monkeys. Under the guise of studying the “hot-hand bias” in human gamblers, the University of Rochester devised a computer game, taught monkeys to play it, and studied how they responded to winning and losing. A doctoral candidate who worked on the study seemed pleased to learn, “Luckily, monkeys love to gamble.” Taxpayers, on the other hand, will not be pleased to find out this study is set to continue through May of 2018.

I could see this having applications elsewhere, or results that could tell us other things.

Synchronized Swimming for Sea Monkeys: $307,524

This project garnered the support of three government agencies (National Science Foundation, Office of Naval Research, and U.S.-Israel Binational Science Foundation). In an effort to study the swirl created when sea monkeys move throughout the water, researchers developed a “laser guided,” “choreographed” team of synchronized swimming sea monkeys.

As someone who was going into aerospace, this makes sense. If you want to study fluid dynamics of groups, you need a way to coordinate them. It could have important results for understanding group behavior and movement and possibly other things.

Funding a “Stoner Symphony”: $15,000

The location of this performance shouldn’t shock anyone. What is sure to shock taxpayers is the amount of their money that was provided to the Colorado Symphony Orchestra to host “Classically Cannabis: The High Note Series.” Not only was the program pot-related, the people were encouraged to inhale (and chow down) while watching.

“One of the three concerts, called Summer Monsoon, advertised on its website this way, ‘Smoke up and fill your belly with Manna’s spiced pork, Sesame Seed Teriyaki Chicken, & Filipino Empanadas.’”

$15,000 to get people interested in the arts while promoting a newly legalized product that provides millions in tax revenue? Yeah, I think so. This is exactly what arts funding is for.

Producing the children’s musical: Zombie in Love: $10,000


ype="node" title="Zombielove
The National Endowment for the Arts funded the production of a musical to die for. Aimed at children four and up, the musical tells the story of Mortimer the teenage zombie and his quest to find love and happiness. The NEA officials justified this use of tax money by saying that Mortimer “exemplifies anyone who has felt like an outsider.”

Sooo what, do you just oppose all arts funding? What about a commissioned city statue featuring zombies? A book? What about a reading/arts program in the summer for teens that focuses on zombies? Seems cool to me.

Unfortunately, you didn't link to anything. So we'll probably never know. Meanwhile, our military has wasted over a million and a half with their wars (just wars, not even defence) in the time it took me to write this. Anti-government BS I would expect to see on a conservative site. I fully support the science and arts foundations.

[bravenak]

38. Yeah. I was totally down with every one of those.

We need more funding of the Arts.

[The Velveteen Ocelot]

32. Here's a description of the mountain lion - treadmill study:

http://news.ucsc.edu/2014/10/puma-energetics.html

It was part of a larger wildlife management study that sounds completely legitimate and useful. These right-wing "government waste" complaints almost always either take the matter out of context or describe it incorrectly, and I really hate to see that kind of shit on DU.

[madinmaryland]

35. Basing a war on outright lies and dragging a country into to wars...

costing $3 trillion dollars.

Makes everything you mentioned look like atoms in peanuts.

Go post this crap in GD.

[Taitertots]

36. Who cares? They can't all be ARPANET

It's less than 0.01% of the budget.

[Texasgal]

37. Link please.

Thank you