Need some human resources/sexual harassment advice please.

[Avalux]

So I work with this guy (he's my superior), and he makes socially awkward comments quite often. The other day I was standing in the hallway and he stopped to tell me I looked nice. I said thank you and then as he 'examined' me with his eyes, he said "I don't have the right boy words to describe how you look".

I'm not sure if this would be considered sexual harassment and if I should report him to HR. I think it was. Sure did feel like it, made me very uncomfortable.

[La Lioness Priyanka]

1. have you told him this?

like maybe send him an email (so you have a record of it), stating that you would prefer if he didn't comment on your looks as it makes you uncomfortable

cc your personal email as you may need it if things escalate.

[Avalux]

4. No, and I'm not sure I want to do that.

With his personality, he could make things very difficult for me. If I do anything I will go to HR.

[Tuesday Afternoon]

9. do not contact him.

[TeamPooka]

18. The worst advice ever given. nt

[Scuba]

2. If this is a trend, report it. The standard should be that anything that offends ....

... the most sensitive of sensibilities constitutes harassment. There's no such thing as being "overly sensitive."

[Avalux]

5. Does it matter if it's a trend?

I think one time should be enough to report.

[Scuba]

7. The comment by itself is pretty innocuous, especially without any tone, body language, etc.

But you should use your own judgement.

[LanternWaste]

17. Having been in HR, that comment would not be seen as innocuous or benign

"I don't have the right boy words to describe how you look..."

Having been in HR, that comment would not be seen as innocuous or benign. It would in fact, be grounds to open an investigation into misconduct. Deconstructing key words in that sentence and their relevance to any rationalized premise (e.g., "boy words&quot would send off many red flags to a company that wishes to avoind litigation.

[Scuba]

19. I don't disagree. My poorly made point was that evidence of a pattern would be more damning.

[Tuesday Afternoon]

10. no, it does not matter. once is enough.

[Major Nikon]

22. It can matter if you are filing a complaint with the EEOC

Last edited Thu Feb 12, 2015, 08:38 PM - Edit history (1)

However, if you are reporting the incident to HR it should not matter. Most companies are going to want to put a stop to something like this well before it crosses any legal threshold.

[Tuesday Afternoon]

3. it was sexual harassment. report it. the end.

dude is an A One Asshole.

[Avalux]

6. Thanks.

I 'll make my decision by tomorrow, but I'm thinking I'll report it. The only problem is what may happen afterwards. Our HR group isn't worth much.

[Tuesday Afternoon]

8. keep it short and objective. use direct quotes of what he said.

if you can describe his mannerisms and facial expressions, fine.

and You are right ... HR may do nothing about it this time.

report it anyway. written. make a copy. keep the copy.

enough reports from enough people and something will eventually be done.

DO NOT CONTACT HIM. Keep your interaction with this man open and above board and professional and with other people (potential witnesses) around.

[NewJeffCT]

11. You should not feel uncomfortable in a work situation

so, I would suggest going to HR to report it.

Does he behave this way around others at work? If he does, you might want to see if anybody would support you if you do go to HR. If not, if you get into a "he said/she said" situation with him without any support, his higher level may come into play. "Oh, I never said anything like that, she's just making things up because she was unhappy with her raise last year..." and, afterwards, you're in an even more uncomfortable position.

[magical thyme]

12. I've been through a number of sexual harassment situations,

2 with blatant stalking. I have seen HR handle it effectively, although that was one where the HR director herself was being office-stalked by the CTO/founder of the company. Remember, though, that HR's job is not to protect you, but to protect the company and management from lawsuits.

I would start by checking the company's policies re: sexual harassment. All of them that I've seen state outright that it is initially your responsibility to tell the person that what they said made you uncomfortable. You need to try to resolve it between the 2 of you.

I wouldn't report a single incident that made me uncomfortable. I would start keeping a log *immediately*. Note the date, the time, the situation and his exact words.

I wouldn't send him a email for this initial incident either, but I would try to gather my courage and at some point fairly soon, let him know verbally that his comment made you uncomfortable and ask him to not comment on your looks in that manner again. Note his response and put that conversation in your log, too, including date and time.

2nd incident, log and send him an email reminding him of the initial incident and discussion about it. You may or may not cc HR on that email, but I wouldn't escalate until there was at least a 2nd incident showing that you'd already talked to him about it once.

[DebJ]

15. Good sensible advice! n/t

[Scruffy Rumbler]

13. Keep a record.

I have had issues involving sexual orientation and co-workers. If you have a personal calender you use, make a note when such occurrences happen. Human Resources will want to know dates and time of such occurrences and any witnesses, if there are any. Make a note of what was said. This can become helpful if there are any repercussions that come your way.

Sometimes HR is aware there is a problem but have know way of proving it.

The phrase you quote is not appropriate for a work situation.

Good luck.

[hibbing]

14. yuck

How the heck old is this guy? "I don't have the right boy words"? That just creeps me out big time. I disagree that the statement is innocuous. Like others have said here, keep a log with date, time and what exactly was said. I hope it stops, that is totally uncalled for.

Peace

[dr.strangelove]

16. If it made you uncomfortable --- ACT!

You should never have to feel uncomfortable at work due to your sexuality.

That said, your use of the term "socially awkward" and what you meant by it would guide my hand.

If you mean he is "socially awkward", he may need some help in understanding and I would try to talk to him about it, or involve someone else to help.

If you mean he creates socially awkward situation that you think he is aware of and doing it on purpose (which is what it sounds like), report it.

Good luck, I hope this resolves favorably for you and the comments stop soon.

[Avalux]

20. Thanks everyone!

I think I needed some courage to act, and you've helped tremendously. I'm going to sit on all of your comments for today and go to HR tomorrow. I've documented the incident, and there were two people that heard him too.

[elleng]

21. Sorry you felt uncomfortable.

Not sure how I would have followed, your 'thank you' was fine.

I don't think I'd consider it sexual harassment, and wouldn't report it. Sorry you felt uncomfortable, I'd have wanted to make a joke of his inability to find 'boy words.' He was correct insofar that he realized what he was thinking was childish, and that's good, imo.

[Skittles]

23. "Well if you ever find them (the words), keep them to yourself"

make it clear to him you don't care for such comments