Please help me to understand why my best friend acts like a jerk in this situation?
First off, I am positive that we are best friends for incalculable reasons. So, that's not the issue. Second, this behavior is something that his dad exhibits sometimes as well. My mom considers his dad to be a weird person. So, that may be it. Thirdly, this behavior is exhibited only towards me in this circumstance. Fourthly, he is incredibly warm to me outside of this situation in any other circumstance imaginable (most of the time.)
I have a tendency to be a somewhat insecure person so when he acts this way, it makes me question myself a bit and our friendship even though I know there's no logical basis.
Anyways, I am an on-ice penalty box official for our local Jr. A hockey team and he is the assistant head coach. I notice that the on-ice officials with me don't get annoyed talking to each other for 3+ hours for the duration of the game, pre-game and post-game.
My best friend, the assistant head coach, and I meet at his house and then we drive in together to the game since I don't drive. Anyway, he's nice to me until we hit the rink and part ways for him to do his coaching duties and me to do my on-ice duties. I am usually finished pre-game a half hour before the game as is he. So, he'll come up to chat with the fans, watch the players warm up with the other assistant head coach over the bleachers and write down the line-up match-ups. Sometimes, he'll run into like a member of the other team's staff and have like a 15 minute discussion with them.
Anyway, if I try to talk to him during this time when he's standing over the railings watching the players on the ice and chatting to anyone such as fans that might come up to greet him as they recognize him as the A.H.C., he gets kind of dour, gives me 1-word answers, doesn't try to keep the conversation going at all, excuses himself to go back down to the dressing room really quickly more so than he would if he was talking to someone different than me and generally seems like he can't wait to get away from me.
Its not like I try to monopolize his time there at all. I didn't even know that he would be up there when I first started my duties and was scared to talk to him for a while when I did see that it was his pattern to be in the bleachers at the same time that I was done my pre-game duties and waiting for the game to start. There was a real chill there that has developed. Also, I'm not like following him around or asking all sorts of annoying questions about the game. I just try to have a chill conversation with him like I do in other circumstances.
However, he only acts like this during the pre-game warm-up, not before, not when we're at the rink on the 1st storey and not in the car on the way there, etc. I did ask a long time ago something like if it was OK to talk to him on the bleachers if I see him or if he would be too busy when I was nervous. He said not at all. "I'll see you up there and we can chat then. No problem."
Maybe he was just being nice and maybe expected that I wouldn't try to talk to him there? Kind of a Yes but I really mean no answer? What do you think? Why does he act this way? Have I done something wrong?
Its just that I haven't see him in 2 weeks since we've both been extremely sick. I may see him tomorrow or Saturday if I can get better. I'm just really looking forward to seeing him if I can and if he presents with this attitude, it'll wreck the night, tick me off and make me feel just generally down a bit since I'm excited to see him and it will be a real let down if he's not in the mood to chat.
Thoughts?
= new reply since forum marked as read
It sounds to me as though this time when he won't really engage you is a time when he wants to concentrate on the approaching game. It's as though this is his time to get ready and to see what's happening with the teams.
Say hi and go on, is what I'd do. See what happens. I think it's more him than you.
Just be yourself but keep your distance during this time.
Good luck!
