search for closet monster unveils time portal under bed

[SwampG8r]

as many americans will attest closet monsters are a common problem
when monsters squat in your closets they make noises and scare you while trying to sleep
i do not approve of closet monsters i know a lot of you will say "anti-monster discrimination" and "monster rights"
up to a point i agree
monsters are just like anyone else and have a right to self determination
i get that
i would never discriminate against a monster in housing or in hiring or even voting
since most polls are closed before sundown anyways
but i do draw a line at some uninvited monster moving into my closets and rattling my shoes and underwear around in the middle of the night without even offering so much as a "hi nice to meet you"
so when i noticed the telltale droppings in a hall closet i went into antimonster defcon 5 red alert
took off the doors and turned a light on it 24/7
it moved under the bed
if you know about domestic monster infestations i dont have to tell you how much harder my life became
i drained my bed (old school waterbed ) and moved the frame
and there to my surprise is the answer to so many questions
i noticed many years ago i would get into my bed and then at some point black out
several hours later i would come to in the same bed but the time was unaccounted for
i have concluded that the monsters had built a time warp under my bed many years ago
and have been using it from time to time to test my defenses against them by infiltrating closets cabinets attics a toilet tank 2 pillowcases and of course many underbeds
so i moved my bed to the other side of the room and left the time warp area exposed
clever eh? unless they went into the furure and knew what i was gonna do
so far no sign of that

[HopeHoops]

1. I just play cards with him.

[CaliforniaPeggy]

2. DUzy!

[Hotler]

3. Fucking closet monsters have been drinking my beer.

I'm sick and tired of coming home from work to find no beer in the fridge. Sons-of-bitches could at least leave me one. I think they have been in my weed also.

[mysuzuki2]

4. Fucking closet monsters is right!

I came home early from work a few years ago and found one f*****g my wife. That was the last straw!

[surrealAmerican]

5. Didn't I see this ...

... on Twilight Zone?

[crimsonblue]

6. Did the monster look like this?

[kiva]

7. I have a foolproof way to prevent this...

I have no closet, they have nowhere to rattle, nowhere to hide.

However, the dresser drawers appear susceptible to invasions by the spawn of the under-the-bed monster, and they've moved their time portal to the chair I sit in to drink my coffee in the morning - one minute it's 6AM, and the next it's 7:00 *sigh*

[Joe the Revelator]

8. I am still waiting for my beer and travel money