So my *very nice* neighbor is trying to convert me to her version of xtianity

[MynameisBlarney]

I told her I was an Atheist in the nicest way possible, but she was totally unphased. She told me I just haven't talked to the right person yet.
Since she's often at the dog park I am sure there will be more attempts at conversion.
I need some advice on how to diplomatically let her know she's wasting her time.
Because my normal method of running bible thumpers off is by using harsh ridicule followed up with derisive laughter.

[NightWatcher]

1. I respect thay you have your beliefs and I wont try to change them, please respect mine..

Now what say we go do a bong hit, listen to some Bob Marley, smear our naked bodies with butter and see what happens?

[MynameisBlarney]

6. Yeah...that first suggestion is great

That second one....not so much.

[edgineered]

2. Try this:

You don't know how happy that would make me. My girlfriend/boyfriend/ex was told that once I was excommunicated from there I couldn't come back. I'll be sure to tell them you said it was fine.

[Wait Wut]

3. She'll stop, eventually.

She'll either stop talking to you completely or she'll realize you just aren't interested. If that doesn't work, tell her she finally got through to you and you've decided to convert to Satanism.

I've had "friends" like this. They really do eventually give up. Some stick around for the friendship, others move on to easier targets.

[The Velveteen Ocelot]

4. Something nice and respectful:

"I understand your faith is important to you and you want to share it with others, but my beliefs or lack of them are personal to me and nobody's business but mine, and I'm just not interested in discussing religion with anyone. I respect that your beliefs are sincere, and I hope you'll respect my feelings on this issue as well."

[orleans]

23. lol. yeah, all that sounds nice-but i had to laugh:

"...I hope you'll respect my feelings on this issue as well."

sure.... i'll bet you ten bucks that won't be happening anytime soon.

[elleng]

5. 'Thanks, you're very kind, but like you,

I have made my decision; there is no need to discuss it any more.'

[antiquie]

12. Nice and succinct.

I'm going to use this.

[Xyzse]

7. I tend to ask, "Would you like me to try to convert you?"

I basically mention, that I like the person, if they respect me enough, please leave well enough alone.

Otherwise I will start a campaign documenting every single thing that you hold dear on your religion and tell you the real basis for it.
From Christmas
Easter
Moses
How the Bible was actually formed
That Jesus Christ was probably some drugged up hippie peddling ganja oil, then proceed plying them on the reasons why weed is good.
(Granted, I don't smoke or partake, but I support its legalization)

So, I tend to mention, that I respect them, and if their belief makes them happy, please don't try changing me, since people don't tend to hear annoyances about other people's belief and imposing it on them. That goes both ways.

I also tend to say, respect me enough to enjoy my company without inserting your beliefs towards me. True conversion happens when someone is ready for it, or some life event changes their perspective. Other than that, please feel free to shut your mouth.

[rurallib]

20. that would be my approach

you try to convert me, I get to show you what I believe.

[Xyzse]

24. I am never quite as mean as my response.

I say all of that, just not as succinct, and generally I try to be nicer.

[Lil Missy]

8. "Not interested in this discussion and it's not negotiable"

I don't care how nice a person is, it's still okay to set boundaries.

[pipi_k]

9. The problem with

coming up with a reply is that she's going to keep finding some kind of answer for every single one.

How about if you don't reply at all to anything of a religious nature?

That is, whenever she launches into conversion mode, change the subject entirely. Just make believe she never said anything at all about her religion. Make sure you have a ready list of topics to use.

Each time she tries to drag it back to religion, change the subject

Keep doing that until she gives up...which I bet she will, if you keep at it long enough.

[intaglio]

10. You might try "If he exists the correct person to speak to me would be God ..."

" ... Obviously he has spoken to you in your heart of hearts but for some reason all I hear is silence,"

[Arugula Latte]

11. Say: "Look, I'm never going to believe in supernatural creatures."

You can continue if you want: "God, gods, goddesses, angels, fairies, leprechauns, unicorns, zombies, whatever -- there's no evidence for their existence. So, you're not going to convince me."

[Fla Dem]

13. I like you and hope we can be good neighbors. But I won't be able to talk to you if

every time we see one another you preach to me. I have my beliefs, you have yours. Lets move on from there.

[3catwoman3]

14. Even when I briefly thought I was a Christian...

...(way back in high school - I'm 63 now), I was never, ever, comfotable with the expectations and exhortations to go out and witness and get people to convert. I could never bring myself to do it, and it was one of the reasons I left.

[MADem]

15. That's not "very nice." That's passive aggressive. Bordering on outright rude.

Use words that will punch - like "forced" and "coercion" and "bullying" when you respond to her, but do it with a smile.

"Please stop bullying me with your proselytizing, it's upsetting little Fluffy."

"I've always been nice to you, why are you abusing my kindness with your repeated threats against my well-being? Jesus wouldn't act like that, I'm sure."

"Didn't Jesus say something about praying in private? Why don't you run along and do that. Stop trying to force me to join your cult...er, club...er...religion."

[orleans]

25. LOL! n/t

[MADem]

30. I think people should feel free, in America, to worship as they like, pretty much

(I wouldn't be too thrilled if my neighbor over the fence started sacrificing animals on a regular basis, but, ya know...). That said, I think people should leave people who don't believe in what they believe ALONE.

It's a terribly rude thing to do.

[orleans]

31. i agree. (although i wouldn't tolerate over the fence animal sacrificing--i wouldn't give a shit)

what they believed at that point. i may not be wiccan but i'm a big believer in the do no harm concept)

i loved your three examples--especially that last one with the club...er...cult...er...religion.
well said.

[UTUSN]

16. Tell her she's not following her Apostles' dictum: (paraphrasing: ) If you knock on the door and

are rejected, SHAKE THE DUST FROM YOUR SANDALS and just go AWAY.

As for the pro-prostlelyzers (the Jehovah's Witnesses), I stopped answering the visits at the (locked) gate. They stand out there a couple of minutes with their umbrellas until they get me message to go away.

One time they caught me outside, with, "Can we talk?!1" I said, "If it's about religion I don't want to talk." They said, "Oh, you don't want to talk about religion: Can we talk about THE BIBLE?!1" I said, "WHAT DID I SAY?!1"

[discntnt_irny_srcsm]

17. In the interest of actually helping...

...(and as a Christian myself) you might mention 1Peter 3:15:

but in your hearts honor Christ the Lord as holy, always being prepared to make a defense to anyone who asks you for a reason for the hope that is in you; yet do it with gentleness and respect,

Mention that you haven't asked them to defend their beliefs and that, while you can't stop them from praying for you, you have no more interest in hearing them explain their beliefs than they have of hearing yours and suggest that you prefer to remain friendly and respectful but without such discussions.

Hope this helps

[rug]

18. Tell her you'll talk about her on the internet.

[libodem]

19. .

And check the fapping sites.

[BlueJazz]

21. If all else fails, buy a cd of people screaming and play it every night for 3 hours.

[Lydia Leftcoast]

22. I faced this problem with a Japanese friend who joined a militant Buddhist group

She went from being a normal person to spouting cult spew. I just ignored her, and she eventually stopped...and left the group years later.

I'm a Christian (liberal Episcopalian) myself, and I answer questions if people ask or if they have a misconception (No, we don't believe that the Bible is literally true), but I've never gone up to anyone and tried to convert them.

[Arugula Latte]

26. Militant Buddhist?

Seems like a strange combo, but it takes all kinds ...

To (nonbeliever) me, Buddhism (in general) seems much more palatable than Christianity, Islam, or any of the other monotheisms that tend to breed extremism amongst some of their sects.

[Lydia Leftcoast]

36. Militant doesn't mean armed in this case

It means rigid and aggressively proselytizing to the point of Moonie-like brainwashing, known as shakubuku, or "bend and break."

[Arugula Latte]

45. No, I get it, but most Buddhists seem pretty chill, so it surprised me.

But I believe it.

[mackerel]

27. Have you considered converting her? Maybe she just hasn't talked to the right person yet?

[orleans]

29. lol. nice. n/t

[orleans]

28. "mabel, i thought i already told you i don't believe in any of that crap. so maybe you should

just fuck off."

too harsh?

or the overly complicated approach which assumes she has a brain:
"if you want to convince me of how great christianity is why don't you start by showing me that christians know how to respect other people's beliefs--even when they're not christian."

yeah--forget that one.

here's what i would say (and have said it in the past)

i call it the direct approach:

"hey, do me a favor? don't talk to me about religion. i don't want to hear about it, and i don't want to talk about it."

(if you get an argument over that such as "blablabla" just shrug, shake your head, and repeat: "i don't want to talk about it. okay?" her: "blablabla why don't you want to talk about it?" you: "i said i don't want to talk about it." that should do it. if it doesn't work, just say "bye" and walk away. if she changes the subject and then brings it back to square one, just say "bye" and walk away)

i mean, really, how can you argue when someone says they don't want to talk about it? it really cuts down on all their wiggle room because, as you just got done saying, you don't want to talk about it. lol!

good luck.

btw--i really have used that line (on those door-to-door people who have caught me several times when i'm in the front yard, and also on friendly-acquaintances. it has always worked for me.)

[Self Slaughter]

32. Tell her

you'll join as soon as she can proves her beliefs.

[HipChick]

33. I told mine I was witch and if she didn't leave me alone

I was going to cast a spell on her...she has not talked to me since..so guess it worked

[noiretextatique]

34. tell her you are a lesbian/gay man and pro-abortion...and an atheist

that ought to stop her

[Initech]

35. Just tell her that you practice one of the mainstream religions like Oprahism or Voodoo.

[hedgehog]

37. Tell her the best way to preach the Gospel is without words.

[sarge43]

38. How would you handle anyone trying to sell you something?

Polite yes, diplomatic why? You've told her you don't want to talk about it; you're not interested.

If she persists, she isn't nice; she's rude. If she starts at the dog park, walk away.

She has no free pass to nag you about something as personal and private as this. You have no obligation to explain yourself.

[MynameisBlarney]

39. Diplomatice, because

She is my neighbor, a nice person, and someone I will see frequently.
So I don't want to come off sounding like an ass.

[Iggo]

40. That's not very nice.

[hunter]

41. Once I tell them my own version of Christianity they never bother me again.

It's a long story. I first read the Bible cover-to-cover when I was seven years old and I also had the pleasure of being a Jehovah's Witness for elementary school (no Pledge of Allegiance for me!) until that religion kicked my mom out because she couldn't stay out of politics. So then we were Quakers.

After that the story gets even more twisted... and, oh yeah, my major in college was biology with an emphasis in ecology and evolution. My girlfriend then was an Orthodox Christian who was using me to prove to herself and her family she wasn't a Lesbian. I remained a nerdy virgin throughout our relationship, and in her mind she was a virgin too because she'd convinced herself that sex with other women wasn't really sex; that a woman could only lose her virginity to a penis.

I could go on because many of the high dramas in my life have involved religion, and it's like that in all my family as far back in our history as you can travel. The whole bloody lot of us were heretics of one sort or another which is how we ended up in the U.S.A.'s wild west.

[Xithras]

42. I've found that turning it around and questioning THEIR faith can be effective.

This once requires a lot of familiarity with Biblical teachings and Biblical theory, but it does work.

A simple example of this would be the crowd making the choice between Jesus Christ and Jesus Barabbas. Most Christians take this at face value, accepting that a crowd chose to free a rebel and murderer instead of freeing their savior. There is a common theory, however, that the entire situation may actually be an early Christian parable. In the story, the crowd was judging two rebels. Jesus Christ (literally: Jesus, the Anointed) preached a gospel that undermined the power structures of the day through prayer and purity. Jesus Barabbas (literally: Jesus, Son of the Father) was a rebel and bandit revolutionary who was trying to undermine power structures through violence. Through that lens, the crowd was actually making a choice between one rebel who is promising to free them through peace, hope and love, and one rebel who is promising to free them through war, resistance and violence. The crowd chose the violent rebel and turned its back on the leader promising peace, as so many people still do today.

Christians tend to get really uncomfortable when you challenge their fundamental beliefs. When their preaching runs into countervailing opinions that throw their own faith into question, it's my experience that they'll generally stop talking to you.

[OxQQme]

43. "In the genesis story the gods made us in 'their' image,

can you explain that?" "More than one? Who were 'they'?"

"Who were the nephilim?"

"The gods co-mingling with humans and having babies. What's up with that?"

"Do you really know of civilization's several thousand year herstory prior to Yahweh's dictum to 'Honor No Other Gods ?"

"How do you explain Moses' meeting with a jealous vengeful god?"

"Are you familiar with Inanna/Ishtar? She was the supreme deity for thousand of years before her half brother assumed that role."

[GOLGO 13]

44. Cross Humpers are the worst to deal with. Headphones are your friend.

I had some people try to chat me up at my favorite Barnes & Noble that refused to take a hint. I have them dangling on my neck. When they approach I nod to acknowledge their presence and then don the headphones and play music. They figured it out right quick that I'm not interested in a conversation. Now I barely have to do that anymore.

Rude? Who give a fat flying fuck what a cross-humper thinks of me.

[Lionel Mandrake]

46. She was totally unphased?

Your phaser was only set to stun. Try setting it to kill and shoot her again.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Weapons_in_Star_Trek#Phaser

[MynameisBlarney]

47. And now she's trying to soften me up by bringing me food.

It won't work, but hey! Free food!

[Feral Child]

48. MAdem (post #15)

tagged it correctly. This is passive-aggressive behavior and she isn't "nice". She may be personable, but nice people don't insist in this way.

If you try to be nice to her, she'll take advantage.

Believe it, proselytizing sects have "work-shops", much like sales people, in how to overcome objections. "Haven't talked to the right person yet" is one of the approaches they're supplied with.

You need to be blunt. "I don't intend to have this conversation." or "I'm not interested." are not-rude responses. I think you'll see her less-than-nice side then. She'll pout and (hopefully) "shun" you.

11 households on my street, each one a self-professed "Christian Family." Took me two years, but I'm happily shunned now.

[madamesilverspurs]

49. Well, there are ways and there are ways.

A co-worker dealt with her "nice neighbor" thusly:

One day when the woman knocked - again - the door was opened by a stark naked woman holding a crystal ball. "We're just starting the seance, won't you join us?"

According to the co-worker, the "nice neighbor" kept her distance from then on.

[Generic Brad]

50. Develop a pretend hearing problem

Just nod, smile, and not respond to anything related to that.