The DU Lounge
Related: Culture Forums, Support ForumsI need joke help!
Does anyone here know a good joke? My target has an unusual sense of humor, so nothing run-of-the-mill please.
I want to impress him and I'm terrible at telling jokes, so nothing too long either (or I won't remember it!)
Grazie!!!!
clarice
(5,504 posts)The bartender says "What can I get you?"
The bear says "give me a rum and.........................................................................................coke.
The bartender gives him the drink and says "Here you go, but why the long pause?"
Bear says "I was born with them"
Avalux
(35,015 posts)I like it! Shouldn't be too hard to remember it!
clarice
(5,504 posts)Avalux
(35,015 posts)clarice
(5,504 posts)He goes up to the counter and asks the druggist "Can I have some chap stick?"
The druggist gets the chap stick and says "here you go...that will be $2.00"
Duck says "Can you put that on my bill?"
Avalux
(35,015 posts)Thanks clarice! I'm about to go try them out!
clarice
(5,504 posts)Avalux
(35,015 posts)It's only one person and chances are he'll laugh anyway. But he always says "got a good joke today?" and I never do. Today I'll have yours and rug's.
clarice
(5,504 posts)rug
(82,333 posts)It came in at quarter past four.
clarice
(5,504 posts)Very clever - and short. Thank you!!
fizzgig
(24,146 posts)a gummy bear.
BlueJazz
(25,348 posts)Farmer: I..I don't know what you mean.
Man: Well, I have a damn gold badge that says I can search your fields.
Farmer: I suppose that would be OK but don't go into that far field.
Man: Look pal, this damn gold badge says I CAN go and I WILL go there. !!
Man leaves,, 10 minutes later farmer hears a loud scream....and looks in the far field.
A large black bull is chasing the man across the field and the man is yelling Help!!
Farmer says: Show him your gold badge, show him your damn gold badge!
Scuba
(53,475 posts)To hold his pants up!
rurallib
(62,441 posts)or group or whatever it is:
http://www.democraticunderground.com/?com=forum&id=1198
Scuba
(53,475 posts)By its bark.
trof
(54,256 posts)Is the bar tender here?
DFW
(54,436 posts)Three 95 year old guys are sitting side by side on a bench with their heads hung down.
After half an hour, the first one looks up and says, "Sex is nice." His head goes back down.
Half an hour later, the second one looks up and says, "Christmas is also nice." His head goes back down.
Half an hour after that, the third one looks up and says, "And Christmas happens more often!"
A woman walks into a pharmacy and asks the pharmacist for some cyanide.
The pharmacist thinks he hasn't heard right and asks, "you want some what?"
She repeats, "cyanide, and a large dosage please."
The pharmacist is appalled and says, "madam, cyanide is a deadly poison. What makes you think I'll just give you a large dose of it, just like that?"
She opens her purse and hands the pharmacist a photo of her husband in bed with the pharmacist's wife.
The pharmacists looks at the photo, hands it back, and tells the woman, "you might have told me from the beginning that you had a prescription."
Avalux
(35,015 posts)I will be testing them on my subject over a period of time.
Last night I tried out clarice's bear joke and got a belly laugh, so yay! and another yay! me not flubbing it!! Love you guys!