Erratic behavior from the ex

[Miles Archer]

Went to see a client yesterday. As I was walking back to my car the ex (as of Oct. 23rd) pulled in. Stopped her car in the middle of the parking lot, got out, walked around the back of the car, walked up to me, wouldn't establish eye contact, was crying, hugged me. I said "You should do what you came here to do. I don't want to upset you." She got back in the car without saying a word. I walked to my car, she went to the coffee shop.

Got a call from a client today. Apparently my ex and a friend (not sure who, in the middle of finding out) left the coffee shop yesterday with one of their mugs (that's stealing) and showed up at her restaurant. She ordered a $14.99 item from the menu...not sure if she got 2 or split it with the friend, and assume they ordered beverages as well. Left without paying. STOLE A POTTED PLANT on her way out.

My client called and asked if I could reason with her. I told her that my ex broke things off on the 23rd, that I'm not responsible for her actions, but once I knew all of the facts I'd try to reach out to her and ask her to do what's right.

My life...what can I say?

[In_The_Wind]

1. Sounds like she is looking for attention in all the wrong places.

Left without paying. STOLE A POTTED PLANT on her way out.

What is she thinking?

[Miles Archer]

2. Yes, and these things usually get worse before they get better.

I'm hoping for a call from the two employees who were there when it happened. I am also scheduled to be back at the coffee shop this afternoon so I am going to try to piece what happened together. I have a hunch regarding the "friend" (a truly bad influence, if it was in fact her). I also spoke with my other clients in town, who know her, and warned them that if she shows up, keep an eye on her and make sure she pays. Hat to do it but these are people I do business with and can't lose clients over someone who walked out on me three weeks ago.

[davidpdx]

5. I think calling your other clients was a wise move

You never know if she's trying to sabotage your job. Thankfully it's been a one time thing so far. If it happens again I'd strongly suggest you and whomever the client is call the police to intervene.

[hunter]

3. My worst ex and I had a very clean break.

I jumped out of her moving car, slid down a street in Berkeley leaving a trail of blood and skin behind me and I hit the curb more-or-less gently. I'm not exaggerating. Ruined perfectly good Levi's jeans, jacket, and shirt. (Underwear and socks were inexpensive to me. My shoes survived in usable condition.)

She put all my stuff in a box and sent it to me, no note, no nothing. I didn't have any of her stuff, except in my head. I was living in a shack. We didn't go there. Her physical residence was much nicer, but the place in her head was much worse.

We've crossed paths since but we never make eye contact, don't acknowledge one another's existence. I'm not sure that's a schism that can ever be crossed.

She probably owes me at least a million dollars or a portion of a house in La Jolla, but honestly, it's not worth it. I'd rather die in poverty as an honest man. I don't begrudge her anything. We both dealt as best we could with the messes we found ourselves in and we went on to find our own "happily ever afters."

It's a much better world for everyone with all that past.

[davidpdx]

4. I agree it wasn't your fault

and she is acting strange for some reason. Maybe you could contact her friend if you find out who it was and ask what's going on.

Even though you don't have to, I would bring your client a potted plant as a gift. I think it will show the client that their business with you means a lot.

[Miles Archer]

7. Drugs + Alcohol

Her friend is the worst person she could be hanging out with right now. Her answer for everything is "I'm going to take you out and get you drunk."

I knew about her alcohol problem. There was one incident...only one...in which she showed up at my house with an apparent lack of motor control, slurred words, scattered thoughts. She knew she'd hit an all-time low and it was the last time I'd seen her that way.

After the breakup, there was much acknowledgement of her alcohol issues and her "drug problems." I never knew anything about her taking drugs but my gut is telling me I am seeing them in action right now.

I plan to do something for my client. I spoke with the owner and her husband today. I reached out to my ex and she basically told me to fuck off (the reason she walked out without paying was that she claimed she had a long wait for food).

The husband told me "We assumed if she was acting that way that the two of you had broken up. We have no issue with you, we like you and like doing business with you." He shook my hand and told me how much he appreciated my attempt to make things right.

When I left her I said "They are both over there right now. You need to go over and make things right." She said "Yeah, I will" but simply drove home instead. When we were together we went here many times, and received much hospitality. The owner was really hurt by her actions and didn't understand at all. "Why would she do this?" Turns out they DID order two orders of Surf & Turf so with drinks you're looking at about $30 worth of loss to the owner. In a small, dirt-poor town like this, that is a LOT of money.

[davidpdx]

9. Terrible combination, she's pissing her life away. Hopefully someday she'll figure it out.

I have to wonder if she's driving while intoxicated or under the influence of drugs. She's going to end up killing herself and others if she is. If you witness that she is, please call the police. Some may say that's wrong, but it's saving lives. I wouldn't go out of my way to follow her, but since it's a small town chances are you see her or her car.

A few years ago I was crossing a bridge in Portland. We were stuck waiting because the bridge was up to let a boat through. There was a car full of drunk people either behind or ahead of us (can't remember which) and one got out and was taking a piss off the bridge (classy I know). I called 911 and gave them the plate number and told them the driver was drunk. Not sure what happened afterward as I never heard back from the police, but I assumed they had my number and would have called me if they had to.

[Fearless]

6. Not going to lie... I first read that as "Erotic behavior from the ex"

I was surprisingly not disappointed!

[bluesbassman]

8. Gotta tell ya Brother, sounds like you dodged a bullet.

I'm sure she has outstanding qualities (otherwise I know you wouldn't have been involved with her in the first place), but seriously it sounds like she has issues that require professional help. Be good to yourself and please keep the totality of her situation in mind as you move forward.

[Miles Archer]

11. The last three weeks have been an education

I saw glimpses of this over the past year. There was no shortage of people telling me it was there all along. I have a very dear friend who I've know for over 40 years who walked a similar path back in the day and GOT professional help and today is living a very nice life. She is just going down the list of behavior and coming to the same conclusion..."she needs professional help."

Right now, everyone and everything else in her world is "wrong." Stealing the plant? "Payback," a determination that "I had to wait, I'm not leaving here emppty handed."

And yes, it took me three weeks to embrace it (less time to intellectualize it)...the totality of her situation is the key. The folks who own the restaurant are wonderful people and told me they did consider calling the police. Next time, someone else will just call. Next time, the Sheriff will pull her over for someminor trafffic violation and will find the plastic flask of Cuervo that she has in her purse at all times.

One of my best friends told me yesterday:

"You and I both know that we can help people get back on their feet, but first have
to let them fall on their ass.

Doesn't sound like she has hit bottom yet."

Wish I could help her. Know that I can't, because after trying to intervene yesterday, she's made me the "bad guy."

Live and learn, onward and upward.

[avebury]

10. You might have considered telling the

client to call the police. If your ex is on a path of destruction, a confrontation with the legal system might provide her a wake up call. Anything less then that will only encourage further bad behavior since she now has your attention.

[Miles Archer]

12. At one point in the conversation I said "you should have."

The owner's husband mentioned it several times and said "But we're not that kind off people." I am with you 100%...see my reply above with my friend's comment about hitting rock bottom.

I'd rather see her wake-up call come from stealing a plant than from getting in a DUI fatality or something along those lines.

And yes, she did need a wake-up call, but she simply greeted it as a challenge to be more defiant. When I found her yesterday she was in a local bar sliding up and down a local as he nursed a drink. She shot me a dirty look and marched across the floor and said "Let's step outside and settle this like adults" (been watching too many movies, I guess).

It's a mess, and unless her next incident involves another mutual acquaintance, I probably won't know anything about it when it happens. Let's hope no one gets hurt.

[avebury]

13. "When I found her yesterday.."

Maybe the key is to not go looking for her. You cannot control her, only how you deal with her. She can only draw you into her games if you allow her. You are not her keeper and thus have no responsibility for her and her actions. I woul cut her off cold. If you get any more calls about her behavior, particularly illegal activities, just state that she is responsible for her own actions not you the caller can either call the police (if she has broken the law), ignore what she has done, or enable her bad behavior. If she is in fact a major incident waiting to happen, you really don't want to be around or involved when it happens.

[Miles Archer]

14. The only reason I did that yesterday...

...was because of damage control for one of my clients. She shot back a nasty text message about an hour after it happened and I didn't respond.

I am 100% on board with everything you posted. I reached out to ALL of my clients yesterday, told them what happened, warned them to keep an eagle eye on her if she shows up. Hated to doo it but it makes it much easier, if something happpens, to say "I'm not responsible for her actions, and I warned you."

Thanks.