A gorgeous woman called me and told me to come over, that no one was home.

[Skip Intro]

So I went over.

And no one was home.

[CaliforniaPeggy]

1. My dear Skip Intro!

I don't know whether to laugh or cry!

[Skip Intro]

2. Laugh.

It's an old Rodney Dangerfield joke, lol.

[CaliforniaPeggy]

3. That WAS my first impulse!

I'd not heard the joke before...

[EvilAL]

4. My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I wanted a second opinion.

He said, "OK, you're ugly too."

[lastlib]

5. I lived with a "cute little gal" for six months......

...until she found out and changed the locks....!

Then I was seeing another gal for a while......until her boyfriend stole my binoculars out of my car......!

[In_The_Wind]

12. Hahahaha

[rrneck]

6. My wife likes to talk during sex

Last night she called me from a hotel!

[nomorenomore08]

14. "So I says to my wife, 'How come you never tell me when you have an orgasm?'

And she says, 'Because you're never around!'"

- Rodney Dangerfield

[R B Garr]

7. My wife is a water sign

I'm an earth sign.

Together we make mud.

~Rodney Dangerfield

[nolabear]

8. Guy tells me he hasn't had a bite in days.

So I bit him!

[Kennah]

9. My phone number must be close to the weather. Keep getting calls asking, "Is the coast clear?"

[Kennah]

10. Told the wife, "Talk dirty to me." She says, "Get off me, you fat bastard!"

[panader0]

11. My wife's idea of oral sex is

she stands on the other side of the room and says "fuck you."

[Arugula Latte]

13. Garry Shandling: "I'm good in bed.

I hardly ever fall out."

[Scuba]

15. My wife and I sleep in a waterbed. I call it 'The Dead Sea'.

[progressoid]

16. My wife and I were happy for twenty years...

Then we met.