Sure fire way to reduce calories and sodium in office lunch.

[Denninmi]

Open can of tomato soup. Spill it all on carpet when putting it in the microwave.

Open single serving size milk you just bought at a major grocery chain this morning, take a swig. Spit out said swig because it tastes like a rotten raccoon smells on a hot July ribbon of asphalt. Like at the curdled chunks and throw it in the garbage in disgust.

Find that the only other edible things you have in the office are a nice garden tomato and a bottle of Sparkling Ice no-cal lemon-lime soda. Eat said 20 calorie lunch, say fuck it all, and head out to the gym to go swimming.



I think I deserve to have a protein shake after my swim.

[hollysmom]

1. so??? do you have to pay the cleaning bill?

[Denninmi]

2. Nah.

Good thing, I spill a lot due to my lovely tremor. So I just keep a can of Spot Shot carpet cleaner on hand, it's the best stuff. Takes out everything.

[Bertha Venation]

3. You get that protein shake, Denninmi.

You do deserve it.

[Denninmi]

4. I did. It was nasty.

I don't like them, but I need to keep protein high.

Oh well, the lunch I had really wasn't balanced anyway. This was better nutritionally.

[noamnety]

5. Are you related to my dad?

He told me the story of trying to get coffee from the coffee vending machine at work one day.

He puts in his money, and assumes a cup will drop down and will be filled with coffee. No cup appears, but coffee does - overflowing the tray and spilling all over the floor.

He gets a paper cup and puts in on the tray and puts in more money. This time a cup does drop down - but drops onto the cup he put there, knocking them both over and coffee spills all over the floor.

On his third attempt - he gets ready with a new cup, hand on it, poised to slip it in if needed. The vending coffee cup drops down, it fills with coffee perfectly.

On his way back to his office, the cup springs a leak. Melted through? Already had a hole? He doesn't know, but when he gets to his office, he realizes the coffee is half gone, and there's a brown trail that looks like sewage going down the hallway rug and very clearly into his office.

[a la izquierda]

6. Oh my...

My dad would bring an extra coke to work with him every day, drink one, then always have a backup. Someone kept drinking his backup cokes, so he opened the bottle and put some ex-lax in before leaving for the night.


No one ever took his coke again.