Epic Food Rant: Dear Guy Who Just Made My Burrito:

[n2doc]

Have you ever been to earth?

On earth, we use the word “burrito” to describe a tortilla filled with things you eat. Pretty simple stuff, and I’m surprised you at least got that part right. My burrito was, in fact, filled with food. In this, you and I agree and are friends. But this is also where my lifelong hatred begins for you and anyone else whose brain has been repeatedly scrubbed with the same mixture of bleach and Pop Rocks as yours has. Because that should have killed you, but left you around long enough to do what you did to me today. Let me explain:

You’re an idiot.

Let me further explain:

Burritos are eaten from one end to the other. So that means when you assemble a burrito with motherfucking ZONES of ingredients going that direction, you create a disgusting experience for the burrito’s end user. When you make a burrito, you should put the ingredients in layers lengthwise. That way, every bite has AT LEAST A FUCKING CHANCE of getting at least two types of ingredients, and there is little chance of becoming almost hopelessly trapped in a goddamned cilantro cavern.

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https://medium.com/comedy-corner/fd08c0babb57

[In_The_Wind]

1. Holy crap. Is management filling in ....

[Chan790]

2. OMG, that's the funniest thing in food service...

since I was with the 'bux and they implemented a policy where corporate management had to work one day a year in the stores. My regional VP kept stirring the Caramel Macchiatos. They're supposed to be layered. I must have made 40-50 of them that day...only ~12 were ordered.

[hobbit709]

3. Wonder where he got that burrito.

I certainly never got one one like that anywhere I've been.

[Hassin Bin Sober]

5. Sounds like Chipotle.

They're the only place (at least around here in Chicago to my knowledge) that puts rice in a Burrito.

[Chan790]

8. Pretty much all the boutique chain burrito places do.

Moe's, Chipotle, Qdoba, BajaFresh, Taco Del Mar, La Salsa, Chevy's, Taco Bell's new chef-designed premium burrito menu...

Pretty much if it's a chain and it's not authentic, it has rice in it. I just want one to serve huitlecoche because it's impossible to get in the US and I love it.

[Taverner]

10. They do rice in California

It's a health thing

[Jenoch]

12. Which does not make sense

since rice is a starch that is metabolized into sugars.

[Taverner]

13. No, but rice AND beans make a complete protein

Not a ton of rice, but just a tablespoon, along with a tablespoon of black or pinto beans. Then add onions, pico and meat and you've got a burrito. Or ixnay on the eatmay....

[Jenoch]

15. I have only eaten at Chipotle

a single time and skipped the rice. Those burritos are tasty but incredibly fattening.

[warrior1]

4. that's a sad burrito

[Liberal_in_LA]

6. lol. that's funny. i have had burritos like that

[Duer 157099]

7. Have some compassion

those people are always 90 degrees off.

(I've had burritos like that too. The only solution is to try to manipulate the innerds 90 degrees back to where they belong. Tricky but not impossible.)

[Kali]

9. he deserves it for having lettuce in there in the first place

burros/burritos DO NOT contain lettuce

fucking gringos

in fact with a few exceptions, beans-meat-cheese are all they need, though I like onions and salsa in them, but salsa can be added later or dipped - guac should be on the side with crisp CORN tortilla chips

rice is OK but not needed (just a cheap filler) sour cream is also for gringos

[Taverner]

11. They can in California

Remember, California does things it's own way sometimes

For example - California has BBQ.

But it's a flash-grilled tilapia with just a squeeze of lime and grilled with green onion

[tonekat]

14. Did he have a special form to do that?

A burrito funnel?