Today sucks as much as this day a year ago...

[one_voice]

A year ago today, we lost my 16 year old nephew. He had a seizure and died of cardiac arrest. He had no history of seizures or heart problems. Turned out the school had an AED and didn't use it.

The autopsy showed a small heart deformity, that hadn't shown up on any tests or exams. He'd had a physical a week before so he could participate in school activities.

They also told us, that had the AED been used he'd still be with us.

My brother (it was his son) is bi-polar, so he's trying to deal with that and this loss. He has two daughters, one lives here and one lives in Washington State. Both the girls are a complete mess. He's not married (divorced) so he has no one at home with him. I worry about him so much. I don't know how to help him.

I miss Andrew terribly, but I can't do anything to bring him back. My heart is breaking for my brother--we've always been close--but I can't reach him. I know he needs time, I know this has got to be the worst possible thing anyone could go through. Truth be told, I'd probably still be curled up in a fetal position if I'd lost one of my children.

I feel so useless, like I should know what to do. I've always been able to jump in and help, no matter what the situation, fix things--for lack of a better term. I have 3 brothers and a sister. I feel like I help raise them, even my older brother (the one that lost his son we're 13 months apart) my parents worked shift work and I was always in charge. I've always been there for all of them, but this time I can't do anything.

I hate this! I hate watching him slowly slipping away, he's a shell of who he used to be. This is the same brother that stood in line in the pouring rain all night to get my sister Bon Jovi tickets. He's the same guy that when my husband and I were having some marital issues, brought me flowers and took me out on Valentines day, so I wasn't as sad.

He's a great person and this is killing him.

I don't know what to do.

Thanks for listening!

[Metatron]

1. I'm so sorry

I wish I had some sage words of advice. Would your brother consider grief counseling? I'm sure he takes comfort in knowing that you are there for him when he wants to talk.

[one_voice]

4. Thank you...

He is in counseling, doesn't seem to be doing much good. It's like he's given up. The only time he has any spark is if his girls bring his grandkids around. And with one living on the other side of the country..it's not often for her. She's not doing very well either. She's very depressed...it's hard all around.

[Stuart G]

2. I'm sorry..

[one_voice]

3. Thank you.

edited to remove a letter.

[siligut]

5. Write him snail mail, send cards . . . Just thinking of you type cards

Stay in touch even if he doesn't respond, keep sending cards and letters, get other family members to do the same. Just tell him about your day or something interesting you read, anything, just keep writing. I am so sorry, losing a child is the hardest thing. My aunt was much older, but she didn't come out of it after her oldest son lost his battle against cancer, she died just before Xmas last year.

[TuxedoKat]

6. First, so sorry for your loss

What a tragedy for your family to go through. I saw from another post that your brother is in therapy, so I'm glad to hear that. I'll PM you some info.

[noamnety]

7. Do they know why nobody used the AED?

Was it a lack of training? I wonder if you or he could work on making the training happen so at least others don't have to go through this.