For closure, I thought to write my suddenly ex SO a letter.

[Lady Freedom Returns]

I did not get to tell him off. I was to busy begging to stay and keep my home.

A cousin of mine who has gone through something like this says it is a good idea. Some others say it is silly. But the pain I feel is so big, I didn't get to say my peace. And for some reason, it is what is hurting the most.

So what do you guys think? Write it to help get this cold pain to ease or is it just dumb?

[CaliforniaPeggy]

1. My dear Lady Freedom Returns...

Writing it is probably a good idea, if only to help you organize your thoughts.

But don't send it yet.

Wait a couple of weeks, and then read it again. You see, once you send it, it is no longer in your control, and it could come back to bite you...

Wait and read it again, and then think about it...

[Lady Freedom Returns]

2. Thanks!

[nolabear]

3. I'd ask what's your fantasy about it.

Do you want him to finally understand what he did that hurt you? That won't happen. I guarantee it. Do you want to know you've said your truth and honored yourself rather than going for harming him? Can you think about that and hang on a little and honestly assess? Then maybe. But if the idea of hanging back and thinking and doing it honestly, respectfully and carefully doesn't appeal to you it's likely you want to hurt or get some satisfaction you ultimately won't get.

[PoliticAverse]

4. Write it don't send it. n/t

[walkerbait41]

5. Write it but don`t send it

He sounds like an asshole so he won`t care what you say. Like I said write it and keep it and when you feel the need read it.

[irisblue]

6. write it, dont send it n/t

[Taverner]

7. Write, don't send

You gotta express your feelings, even if they seem illogical


BUT only to yourself

Take care

[HappyMe]

8. I'm in agreement with the others.

Write it, but don't send it.

[SwissTony]

9. Write it. Make it long and detailed. List everything you can remmber.

Recall your dashed hopes. The dreams you didn't quite reach. The dreams you didn't even come close to reaching. All the cruel or indifferent remarks he made.

Everything.

Keep it for a few days.

Then burn it, page by page.

Watch it burn.

Till it's completely gone.

[Bertha Venation]

10. Do it, even if you don't intend to send it.

In fact, the ones you don't intend to send can be more cathartic.

[pipi_k]

12. Oh yeah...!!!

The ones I never sent were real cathartic when I was able to call the other person every rotten thing I could think of without causing drama!

[pipi_k]

11. Closure is good, but...

I do agree with the others who said not to send it.

You might even want to consider getting a notebook and keeping a "diary" of sorts. Writing helps a lot, and who knows...maybe in a few months (or as soon as a few weeks) you'll see things from a different perspective.

[TrogL]

13. Ask your lawyer. Do DO have a lawyer, right?

[Lady Freedom Returns]

15. No need for one...

We were never married and their is zero property. No car no furniture to speak of, it was an apartment we were able to get from the VA. The only two things of value is my laptop and Camera. Both he demanded I take due to him not knowing a thing about them.

[In_The_Wind]

14. Write it! But save it to remind yourself exactly why you are better off without him.

I agree with everyone ... do not sent the letter.

[life long demo]

16. Sorry Lady Freedom

It's a bitch, but get it out, write it down, then put it away for a while. I agree with the advice given, all by your friends here at DU.

[HeiressofBickworth]

17. They are all right

write it but don't send it. Don't know if you are a history buff, but there is a book of letters written by President Truman -- here's the review:

"Strictly Personal and Confidential offers a unique look at a man reacting naturally to enormous pressures. Truman often had second, more prudent thoughts about what he called his 'spasms.' Sometimes he would scribble furiously and then stuff the result into his desk while he cooled off; on other occasions, he dictated blisterers to Rose Conway, his longtime personal secretary, and then returned the typescript with a diplomatic directive: 'Rose, file it. H.S.T.' In either case, he left behind a trail of entertaining and often fascinating documents, a short history of the frustrations of power, written at white heat."—Time

I think this embodies the idea of purging your feelings in a letter but then making the wise decision not to mail it. In a few years you can go back and review how your feelings were at the time and the kind of progress you have made since then.

At this point, you are counting only days of your new life. Let things take time to calm down while you get a new hold on your new future.