I want to really tell someone off. Should I write this person a scathing letter?

[Denninmi]

I mean really, really. I've actually written several versions if said letter, but seems like not quite the right time, but now, the time does seem right.

Should I? Because, I tell you, this is my theme song as far as this matter goes:

Love the lyrics, spot on for my life:

I'm not ready to make nice,
I'm not ready to back down,
I'm still mad as Hell,
And I don't have time to go 'round and 'round and 'round.

[Generic Brad]

1. I would avoid doing it in writing

That always has a way to come back and bite the writer. There are passive aggressive ways to get back at them that sends the same message but keeps you unscathed.

[politicat]

2. Personally, my favorite spectator sport is watching my bridges burn.

It's not my best quality. Admitted. But sometimes, nothing heals the soul like pretty, pretty fire.

There have been incidents I couldn't get over until I stood up for myself. Sitting on my anger only hurt me because I was ashamed of my wimp-itude.

But... 1) I grew up in an abusive environment. The DIAF letters/conversations have generally been to either the perpetrators of that toxicity or to those who attempted the same type of crap. 2) I'm a mil brat, so broken ties, abandoned bridges and lost contacts are my social norm and not necessarily recommended for most people. 3) I have a pretty high tolerance for human foibles, but fairly tight guard rails when it comes to douchebaggery, and only limited capacity for forgiving repeat offenses.

Which means that mostly, I just cut my losses and cut contact.

If you have to do it, make sure you're safe (recipient can't come banging on your door at 2 am or malign your character all over social media), willing to suffer the consequences (job, inheritance, et cetera) and willing to go the distance -- which in my case meant cutting off a couple of well-liked relatives because their personal loyalties made them pick sides. In another case, it meant calling cops, getting a restraining order and spending a year of vacation time in court. Keep it private, and try to keep innocents out of the line of fire. Try to make your points about the behaviors. If the target is likely to want vengeance, write the letter, but send it by burning it. Safety first.

Good luck.

[newcriminal]

3. Write the letter

wait a few days maybe even a week, read it again, if you still feel the same, send it.


P.S. I love that song!!!

[mucifer]

8. I totally agree. Even when I post on DU I often stare at my post and think about it

and if it might hurt someone's feelings and if it is worth it. I often don't post it after that.

I think writing the letter can be helpful to process the situation. Waiting until you are more sure you will have no regrets for sending it I think is the right thing to do.

[Locut0s]

4. Answer this question first...

Last edited Fri Jul 26, 2013, 03:16 AM - Edit history (1)

If said letter were to surface later on could it cause damage? If future employers, friends or family were to get a hold of it would that be a bad thing? Could it cause you financial or emotional problems in that situation?

If you answered YES to any of this don't send it! You never know where the letter might end up, who will keep it, copy it, where it will be forwarded to. Better safe than sorry.

[LeftofObama]

5. Never put anything in writing that you don't want on the front page

of The New York Times!

If you want to tell them off do it to their face, verbally, when no one is around. That way you can say whatever you want and if it comes back to you later you can deny any or all of it. If you put anything it writing it can and WILL come back to bite you in the ass!

[loli phabay]

6. no, why bother. are they really going to care if you send it to them.

[hobbit709]

7. The last letter I wrote started out

"Dear Sir, (and I use the term advisedly, after all it is a title of respect)"

and ended up with
"Instructionally yours"

[MadrasT]

9. Sometimes it can be cathartic

to write such a letter and then burn it.

(I wouldn't recommend writing it and actually sending it.)

[femmocrat]

10. Never put anything in writing.

It can be use against you. Better to avoid that person if you can. If you can't, then ignore them. That is what I do.

[Xyzse]

11. I'd write a letter as a means of organizing my thoughts.

Then I'd call, and lay it out in bullet points!

[HeiressofBickworth]

12. Poison pen letters

There are two members of my family who enjoy this pass-time. They are hurtful and once sent, can never be recalled or forgiven. Both of these people are on my permanent shit list and for the past 10 years and into the future, I have nothing to do with them.

When my husband left me, I wrote such a letter -- but I never sent it and eventually tore it up before anyone found it.

In another thread today, I referenced President Truman who liked to write letters he never sent. Here's a review of the book about those letters: "Strictly Personal and Confidential offers a unique look at a man reacting naturally to enormous pressures. Truman often had second, more prudent thoughts about what he called his 'spasms.' Sometimes he would scribble furiously and then stuff the result into his desk while he cooled off; on other occasions, he dictated blisterers to Rose Conway, his longtime personal secretary, and then returned the typescript with a diplomatic directive: 'Rose, file it. H.S.T.' In either case, he left behind a trail of entertaining and often fascinating documents, a short history of the frustrations of power, written at white heat."—Time

Write whatever makes you feel good, but think long and hard about the wisdom of actually sending it.