At what age do you feel it's inappropriate to be sexually attracted to someone...

[Locut0s]

This is a bit of a touchy subject and I'm sure some don't like to talk about it but it interests me. Simple question, hard to answer. I'm talking about the age of the person you are sexually attracted to not your own age.

A bit of historical background. When the average life span was 30 to 40 years old back several hundred years ago it was considered normal to get married and have children as early as possible, early teens , at times younger! This made sense given the average human life span. This isn't to say it was or was not proper just to point out that societal norms and what is considered acceptable has changed a lot over the course of history. But our human biology hasn't. But then again we used to stone people and that was accepted too.

Today we live into our 80s and beyond and each stage of life is far drawn out compared to in the past. The idea that one would have 10 years as a kid and 10 years as a teen would have seemed ridiculous in the 1500s for example.

I am also of course not talking about acting on ones attractions. That gets us into a whole other discussion on the laws dealing with sexuality and minors, pedophilia and more. No I mean morally at what point do you feel it's OK yo be sexually attracted to someone. We can all agree I think that attraction to preteens is not right, perhaps a mental condition even. But beyond that is a big grey area.

There is a reason the term jailbait was invented. I'm sure most men and maybe some women have been in that situation where you see a really sexily dressed woman/man across the street and you think "wow damn"! Then as you get closer you realize "wait how old is she", woah no, not good "she can't be more than 14, why the hell is she dressed like that".

I think most people would label a grown man being sexually attracted to a 14 year old as a bit creepy and morally objectionable. But again go back 200 years and societal norms were different, and you can't discount that our basic human biology hasn't changed.

[leftyohiolib]

1. i don think sexual attraction is something you can control, if that was the case there'd be no

pedophiles. you CAN control how you act.

[Locut0s]

2. Certainly but...

In our society there are a heck of a lot of people who feel that attraction alone before a certain age is morally wrong.

[pscot]

3. As long as you still say, "Woah", or whoa

In the immortal words of Dean Martin, "Brother, you can't go to jail for what you're thinking."

[Throd]

4. I'm 46. Thinking sexually about women under 30 makes me feel like a creepy old pervo.

[Locut0s]

5. Seriously? That seems odd to me. nt.

[Throd]

6. "Aqualung" starts playing in my head when I catch myself looking at women under 30.

[Locut0s]

7. Haha lol ok touché. nt.

[eShirl]

29. "Sitting on a park bench..."

thanks for one of the rare, welcome earworms

[Aristus]

33. We can't be the only ones.

I'm 44, and any woman under about 35 is too young for me. I've always been attracted to older women, and as I'm getting older myself, that just seems to be a good way to avoid behavior perceived as being pervy.

Also, it's a bit of a mistake to think that people didn't live to be old back in the Middle Ages or the Renaissance. People lived into their 60's, 70's, and 80's all the time. What you are talking about, as you mentioned in your OP, is average life span. And at the time, that was dragged down, not by adult mortality, but by infant mortality.

[upaloopa]

42. My wife is 17 yrs younger than me. When we met she

was the one who instigated the meeting.
I never felt like a creepy old man. Of course I look a lot younger than I am. I am 67 and this weekend someone thought I was 50 something.
Age is not the important thing as long as both are consenting adults.

[hunter]

8. Kids my adult kids' ages look like kids.

Sexual attraction tends to track my own age. Teens and twenty somethings I'm tending to think "Does your mom know you are wearing that?" rather than "Wow!"

[fglad]

31. Exactly my response.

[JNelson6563]

35. Same here!

I can't imagine feeling otherwise. At the place I used to work there was a gal just a few years older than I (I'm 50) and she admitted to me that a 20 year old young man we worked with, who is a beautiful boy, made her nervous/excited. Said she felt herself blush if he looked at her. I thought that was pretty creepy. She has a 25 year old daughter too which made it even harder for me to comprehend.

Julie

[LeftofObama]

9. I've pretty much always been of a mind that people who are attracted

to extremely young people (40 vs. 20 or younger, 50 vs. 20 or younger, etc.) are not so much sexually attracted to the younger person as they are about showing off to others their own age what a young filly/stud they are able to attract. What they leave out when showing off said young filly/stud is how much it costs them in maintenance fees and the unspoken agreement they have that the filly/stud gets to go out and "play around" when the old geezer is in bed at 9:00.

When I see an old troll (male or female) showing off their "catch" to everyone all I can do is

[patricia92243]

30. We had an old guy at my work who had a lot of younger women. They would come by and ask him

for money to go to the beach, etc. He thought he looked like a stud. Everybody laughed behind his back.

[LeftofObama]

36. There are some guys at my gym like that too.

They strut around like they're the cock of the walk and when they leave the room people start making fun of them.

[derby378]

49. ChickMagic was 13 years older than I, and our experience was a bit different

I think some of her colleagues might have been impressed that she married a younger man, but she didn't see it that way. At restaurants, the waitstaff usually brought her the check instead of me. Never mind that I usually paid; ChickMagic saw it as the waiter assuming that she was my mother instead of my wife. But then again, I never saw her as an older woman, and she hated the term "cougar." Said it made her sound predatory when she was anything but.

True, I am attracted to older women. Younger women, too, as well as women my own age - I just don't take age into account that much. With ChickMagic gone, I'm really not seeking another wife at this time as I have too many irons in the fire right now. There are a few women that I'm somewhat attracted to, but never with the fall-on-my-face passion and longing that I had for Ginny. I could go out on a date for just fun and companionship - I certainly wouldn't mind if she wanted to make out, but I promise not to take advantage - but if an actual relationship were to develop, I'm not the type to just settle for anyone. The love has to be real.

[marzipanni]

10. You aren't as old as many of us

I think a physically beautiful human, male or female, can be pleasant to look at, in the same way as a portrait or sculpture. For instance there is a cute, friendly ~19-20-year-old guy who works at the grocery store. I thought, "when I was a teenager, he was my type of guy".
But having a relationship with someone you share somewhat of a timeline or history with, i.e. fairly close to your age, is very much more more satisfying than just enjoying looking at them.

That being said, my dad was 12 years older than my mom when they married at 36 and 24, and my oldest brother was first going out with his wife when they were 32 and 20.

[olddots]

11. I can only cop to my moral code

as we get older we get more baggage ,in life's journey the couple share the load of schlepping the bags so why should one person (the older person ) get to have more bags. Case in point my wife is nine years younger than me ,she had to watch me go thru mid life crisis as I watched her but we didn't get to go thru it together which may have been easier .As I get old and sick my wife has to take care of me ,it sucks because maybe I'll be dead and not be able to take care of her .

I am a firm believer in mates being close in age in this complex unforgiving society , call me stodgy , square or call me Tuesday .

[azurnoir]

24. well I'm not really sure about the age thing at least as in being close together

or how close is that? Okay my father was 18 years older than my mother, they met in 1952 she was 18 and he was 36, I was born in 1956, and back in the '50's I'm not really sure if that was considered okay or not, but I'm pretty sure these days he would be considered sort of a perv

Now me I've been married twice my first time to someone a year older than me, the second to someone 10 years younger than me, we have a 16 year old son together, does that make me a cradle robber?

[lastlib]

12. Ummm, ninety-six for men.....

....about fifty-six for women.........

. . . . . .

[olddots]

13. I'm gonna say 65 for me because I gross myself out

everyone else is on their own . Naw I just remember that Anthony Quinn fathered a baby at 80 something years old then died
so the poor kid never had the pleasure or trauma of getting to spend time with dad.

[Callmecrazy]

14. I've heard the term half your age plus seven years...

is considered acceptable.

[Xyzse]

15. In being attracted to someone, I don't care what age you are, it just happens.

If you're over 100 and still have your gears kinda working, well then, more power to you. Be attracted to whomever you want, I'm all for that.

As for what age I should feel bad about? Well hell. I am in my early 30s. Now and then, I see pictures, and I'm like damn, that's hot...
Then I see the face, and I'm like FFFFF..... Too young. Bad, bad, bad, and I spank my hand. That happens a lot when I see some of these Teeny bopper pictures. As soon as I see their face, and how young they look, I'm like, dammit, I feel dirty.

They say as long as they are 18, they are legal... However, I can't seem to do that either, especially with girls who are now in their mid 20s who I knew when they were young. Any time I look at them, I still see them as little girls, and I just cringe.

Still, it doesn't matter if there is attraction, you're still responsible for your actions and ability not to act upon certain things.

[Chan790]

16. Looking ain't acting.

That said, there comes a point where you're doing nothing but making a damned fool out of yourself chasing kids young enough to be your kids.

[Rowdyboy]

17. I'm 59. At my gym there are several young men aged 17 to mid-20's. As I sit on a stationary bike

for an hour, 5 days a week I often see young guys I consider attractive. I don't stare (there's a wall-length full mirror so it isn't necessary), I don't start conversations (though I respond if they speak first) and I wouldn't dream of hitting on any of them. I'm perfectly happy with the life I share with a man a few years older than me but that certainly doesn't stop me from finding the form of a young man sexually attractive. Anything younger than 17 doesn't do anything for me.

If I was single, I'd probably look for someone 50-70-close enough to my own age to be comfortably relatable.

[HipChick]

18. I drool over young men all the time

Women can stay sexual beyond their years,why else go the gym...

[keroro gunsou]

48. . . .

exercise maybe?

[rug]

19. Does this have anything to do with selena Gomez tuning 21 tomorrow?

[Locut0s]

22. Wat? I feel old....

LOL no it didn't have anything to do with that.

[elleng]

20. No 'morally anything' about FEELING attracted,

feelings just ARE. ACTING on attractions is another thing, to which we attach societal consequences due to 'morality.'
IMO

[AsahinaKimi]

21. I was not able to date until after my senior year in high school.

My parents were pretty strict in that regard. No bringing boys home..at all. I was sure happy going to the University.

[Locut0s]

23. My mother would have never cared but...

But I know a lot of Asian parents are strict about that kind of thing. In fact due to my shyness and social anxiety she probably would have loved it if I had brought home a girl at some point

[Taverner]

25. I've seen 17 year olds who were attractive but I don't want to be "that guy"

The leering old man

Mostly I find women in my age bracket attractive. 35-49.

[sigmasix]

26. difficult to tell ages difference

I started noticing by my mid thirties that it was difficult to tell the difference between a mid twenties woman and a teen girl. As i grow older i notice this phenomenon has become even more obvious. I ask my single male friends if they have the same experience and most of them know what I'm talking about. I am 46 and married happily, but if single I wouldnt be interested in a woman under 30 as the age difference appearance renders a self imposed creepiness about it. I have two teen daughters too, so that informs my sense of age difference.

[ConcernedCanuk]

27. If they are of legal age, none at all.

.
.
.

At 31 years of age I was living with a 16 year old - that was the legal age in Ontario at the time - it's lower now.
__________________________________________________________________________________________________

The Criminal Code does not now criminalize consensual sexual activity with or between persons 14 or over, unless it takes place in a relationship of trust or dependency, in which case sexual activity with persons over 14 but under 18 can constitute an offence, notwithstanding their consent. Even consensual activity with those under 14 but over 12 may not be an offence if the accused is under 16 and less than two years older than the complainant. The exception, of course, is anal intercourse, to which unmarried persons under 18 cannot legally consent, although both the Ontario Court of Appeal(3) and the Quebec Court of Appeal(4) have struck down the relevant section of the Criminal Code.

http://www.parl.gc.ca/content/lop/researchpublications/prb993-e.htm

I'm 62 now, and I'd have no feelings of guilt, or being inappropriate to do it again.

But I ain't holding my breath . . .



CC

[intaglio]

28. You need only go back 60 years

It was still legal in many places, look at Jerry Lee Lewis

Morals and laws change usually for the better.

Many culturally significant stories also display support for what we would now regard as insupportable, with 2 stand out examples
Romeo and Juliet should come with a warning (Romeo 16, Juliet 13 or 14)
The Virgin Mary is in most traditions only 14

[Myrina]

32. I'd say 10 years either way ...

Although I'm the exception to my own rule.
I'm very attracted to men in their early 30's, which would be 15 years younger than me (I'm 46) and not at all attracted to anyone over 50 (which is only 4 years over). Maybe it's because the older men always remind me of my dad & I have deep-set 'daddy issues' (he was a groase, slobby drunk).

[Neoma]

34. I hate this conversation.

My husband is 19 1/2 years older. We're best friends and our relationship makes sense. We're pre-judged in this type of discussion. That's basically what people chip in about in threads like these. In the, "It's gross after this much of an age gap." Way.

[av8rdave]

37. My wife and her late husband had the same age difference you and your husband have

I don't think it's a big deal at all.

My take on this thread is that it shouldn't be about the age difference, but simply the age of someone you're attracted to. There is some minimum age below which things become creepy, and I'm sure that varies from person to person.

I'm 55, and never used to give age much of a thought. Now, I have a daughter about to turn 24. Probably because of that, I actually feel creeped out a little bit if I note someone younger than 30 or so as being attractive. Some part of me winds up feeling it's wrong, but I'm sure that's because I'm aware of having a daughter not much younger than that.

I have to think it's different for everyone, and whatever the "creepy cutoff age" is changes over time.

[MountainMama]

38. I'm in the camp....

that says the heart wants what it wants.

I'm 46. I think Daniel Radcliffe has grown into an attractive, intelligent young man, but never in a million years would I act on it....or so I tell myself. If he showed an interest in me, would I go for it? I have to say I honestly don't know. If that makes me a "dirty old woman," so be it.

The man I consider to be the love of my life is almost 69. We met about 19 years ago and I fell in love with him. I haven't been able to see him in a long time, but he's never far in my thoughts and if he called me tomorrow.....I would have some big decisions to make. Our running joke has been that we're the same age. I have always found him vibrant, intelligent and extremely attractive.

However, if you're extremely attracted to a minor, I would say to be very, very careful, and if you're attracted to a very young person (say, under 15) you might want to examine those feelings. I don't think that's appropriate, regardless of past customs.

[NewJeffCT]

40. Radcliffe is now 23

as is Emma Watson. (I'm also 46...)

[MountainMama]

44. Indeed....

and she has grown into a lovely young woman.

I think my biggest problem is my brain thinks I'm still about 35 and it doesn't care what the calendar says.

[ConcernedCanuk]

41. Not "pre-judged" by me - if it works, and it's legal - go for it!

.
.
.

There's lots of people that would do the same, but never admit to doing so, or wanting to.

Carry on!



CC

[upaloopa]

43. Me too. I am 17 years older than my wife

We've been in love for 29 years and I say mind your own business to anyone making a judgment on our relationship.

[NewJeffCT]

39. There is a difference between thinking a young man or woman

is attractive and being sexually attracted to them. But, as long as the people are consenting adults, I don't think it's a big deal about age differences. But, being a guy in my 40s, I think it's kind of creepy to be attracted to somebody that is not of legal age.

[Demo_Chris]

45. I guess I just don't care...

I have seen a thousand teen girls that I think are attractive or even sexy, and many were undoubtedly not of legal age. That said, you could leave me in a remote cabin with fifty high school cheerleaders and I would never touch a one. Not because I have some kind of remarkable self-control, and not because society frowns, but because there is a difference between thinking someone is attractive (or even sexy) and actually choosing (or even wanting) to have sex with any of them. Hell, I wouldn't even want to talk to them. Which is just as well, as they would undoubtedly have no interest in talking to me.

I could condemn myself for even looking, but that's just a reflexive response to society's latest bullshit. I am apparently supposed to feel guilt and self-loathing for looking at a female that is not within some narrow range of my own age. My brain is supposed to have a built in age detector that shuts off my eyes when they glance at someone below some arbitrary minimum age. But again, I think that's crap. I could post images of two young ladies with their faces blacked out, one fifteen and one nineteen, and there would be no way in hell to tell the difference between the two, and if I did post these picture damn near every guy here would study the pictures --

For scientific purposes of course.

I think a lot of this is simply part of our society's weird phobia about human sexuality, just another facet of our religion driven condemnation of sex, and a method of control through guilt. It's another "Thou shalt not," aimed at a common and natural human reaction. I have decided that whatever society decides this week, I am just going to continue trying to accept myself for who I am. No one is harmed if I think some girl walking by has a nice ass, I'm not going to hell for it, and if she is under some legal threshold her purity is not tainted by my casually "lecherous" glance. I will have forgotten about it within thirty seconds, she will never know, and life will go on.

TL/DR? People are sexual animals. Get over it.

[LWolf]

46. I am

surprisingly conservative on this topic. I don't like wide age differences, because the age difference usually comes with an imbalance of power in a relationship. I think good relationships are balanced.

Relationships are different than attraction, of course. It still holds for me. I recognize the attractiveness of younger men in the abstract, but don't really "feel" the attraction. They are my sons' contemporaries, and somehow my "attraction meter" recognizes them as off the lists.

[LiberalFighter]

47. 96