What do you think of the following child support payment situation?

[Locut0s]

My father recently went to England to visit an old friend of his who has recently developed Parkinson's Disease. Said friend used to be married and the two of them both had well paying jobs as lawyers. They had a daughter together but the marriage didn't last long, the two of them were both very aggressive people with big egos and it was probably doomed to failure. However the spark that ended the marriage was that his wife ended up contracting an STD from him that he failed to tell her he had, as far as I know no cheating was involved. The separation terms ended up being very harsh for him and he was left with very large child support payments. Since then he has payed them despite not always having a job, he had enough savings that at the time it wasn't an issue.

Fast forward to day and he has developed Parkinson's and is living a sad life in a small apartment from what my father reports. He's severely depressed and the place is a horror show apparently, and his Parkinson's symptoms are apparently fairly developed. He still has significant savings but he views that as his retirement, he may never work again and is not that old. The child support payments he is paying are eating into his money rather quickly.

On the other side of the coin his wife ended up becoming even more wealthy as time went on, she probably makes 300k or perhaps much more per year. She is partially using the support payments to put their daughter through one of the most expensive private schools in the country, she could probably afford to put her through it herself though. The daughter is now probably around 17 to 18 yrs old. So the question is, how do you view this situation. Is it fair or unfair in your opinion given this history that he keeps paying. I don't know how long the court has ordered him to continue payments.

[Duer 157099]

1. Have no idea how things in the UK work

If they were in the US, the father could have filed to have the support payments amended based on his changing financial situation. Plus, the payments would end when the child turns 18/graduates high school (although it may be older in some states, not sure).

[Locut0s]

2. This isn't in the UK...

I believe the case was either in Canada or the US, I'll have to ask to know for sure. He is just living in the UK right now because he has dual citizenship.

[Arkansas Granny]

3. If circumstances have changed he may be able to go

back to court to have CS reduced. This is something that may vary from state to state, but that would be the logical first step. Also, I believe CS generally ends at age 18, unless other court orders are in effect. If he is a lawyer, surely he is aware of this.

[Locut0s]

6. One would think so, though he doesn't practice this type of law...

I'll ask my father if he knows about this. Thanks.

[olddots]

4. I'm confused about the STD

Is it possible to get an STD from yourself ?

[Locut0s]

5. Was the way I wrote that unclear?...

He already had it from some previous relationship but didn't disclose it to her. SHE is the one who caught it from him.

[liberalhistorian]

7. I may be a gal, but I think that the wife sounds

like a nasty piece of work. If he's in this country, he should return to court to file for a modification based on his current situation, especially his serious (and permanent, Parkinson's simply doesn't go away, it just gets progressively worse). Then again, it might be moot soon since the daughter's almost 18, which is when the vast majority of support payments usually stop. Do you know if there was any provision in the divorce agreement regarding payment of college costs? Many agreements now include that, and there are plenty of variations, from both parents contributing equally, to a shared contribution, to a percentage of contribution from each, etc., etc. If he's required by the agreement to pay a certain share or percentage, he might be able to get that reduced or changed also.

My son's father (we were never married) had no issues with paying support for quite some time, and I also made sure to facilitate as much visitation and involvement as I could. We also got along pretty well. But then he met his now-wife, who taught him how to "game" the system and, worse, interfered in the relationship with his son and cut way back on his visitation because she wanted him all to herself and their own son once he was born.

The state finally caught up with him, when he had a huge arrearage. But by then he was ill with several permanent maladies and trying to qualify for disability and I knew that they were really hurting and desperate financially. It was up to the state enforcement division, and not me, as to what they would do, but I did do my best to get them to go as easy on him as I could, as it saddened me and their own son, my son's brother, was suffering from the situation as well. He finally qualified for disability and I received the back amount owed, in the many thousands. By that time, my son was grown and his father didn't have to worry about the support anymore, could have the whole disability check, which wasn't much in the first place. I really don't understand this man's ex at all and her selfish cruelty regarding his illness and reduced circumstances.

[Locut0s]

8. They are both selfish people with very big egos...

I'm learning now he may not even have told his ex about his Parkinson's which makes the issue all his fault. Though she is also super aggressive and egotistical. It would not surprise me if she still insisted on him paying. We will see. Thanks.

[Locut0s]

9. He is the type...

He is the type to not tell her anything about his condition in order to maintain his image and face but be very bitter about the situation. From what I understand she is a similar type of person.