So today is the Smallest Penis in Brooklyn contest

[pokerfan]

Seriously?

It has been months since we first reported on the first annual Smallest Penis in Brooklyn contest—since then the weather has changed, the days have gotten longer, and we've received more than enough emails from confused readers thinking they should send us photos of their tiny penises. Please stop doing that. Tomorrow is your day to shine.

Organizers at Kings County Bar confirmed with us yesterday that this is really happening: "Time has been moved up slightly, so we are anticipating starting between 3-4pm (doors will open to the public at 2pm). There are currently 12 contestants." Also, they expect a crowd, so get there early if you want to get a good view.

http://gothamist.com/2013/07/19/brooklyns_teeniest_tiniest_penis_to.php

[In_The_Wind]

1. Cannot watch the fun today. My car's AC is being repaired.

Me thinks that we can expect a low turnout.

[pokerfan]

3. Did you mean to say

a small turnout?

[In_The_Wind]

4. Some of my ex boyfriends might show up.

I'd have a hard time keeping a straight face now.

[BainsBane]

25. tsk tsk

[In_The_Wind]

31. What

I was nice to needledickthebugfucker .... once. I didn't point and laugh.

[Callmecrazy]

2. Well, a small turnout anyways. nt

[pokerfan]

5. You beat me by that much

[Callmecrazy]

6. Probably...

If I walked into a door while fully erect, I'd get a broken



















nose.

[pokerfan]

9. Tip your server, Callmecrazy is here all week

So this guy's walking along the beach when he kicks a bottle. Much to his surprise, a genie flies out. "Oh master," it declaims, "your wish is my command."

"Genie," he demands, "give me a penis that touches the floor."

Whereupon both his legs fell off.

[Callmecrazy]

11. Yeah, And I don't do two shows a night.

I won't do it. I won't.

[Demoiselle]

7. Where will they put the crown?

The gent in the middle appears to have had an accident.

[pokerfan]

8. Found a picture of the crown

As for the dude in the middle....
Arthur: Look, you stupid bastard. You've got no arms left.
Knight: Yes, I have.
Arthur: Look!
Knight: It's just a flesh wound.

[Demoiselle]

12. Tee Hee. Thank you. (nt)

[olddots]

10. well maybe it's just that the rest of me is getting bigger

[Tom_Foolery]

13. It'll be a short contest. n/t

[RushIsRot]

14. Good thing there are only twelve contestants.

Just need parking for a dozen monster trucks.

[MiddleFingerMom]

16. Well... Good "things" come in small packages.

[MiddleFingerMom]

15. Li'l Tiny MiddleFingerMom doesn't LIKE the descriptive word "Tiny".

.
.
.
.
.
He prefers "fun-sized".
.
.
.

[edbermac]

17. How do they measure, at ease or standing at attention?

Last edited Sat Jul 20, 2013, 06:38 PM - Edit history (1)

[pokerfan]

18. This is why In_The_Wind needed to attend...

To report back.

[pokerfan]

19. Exclusive: We went to Brooklyn’s 1st Annual Smallest Penis Pageant

Hi there, gang. We sent out intrepid cub reporter Jordan Burden to cover the Brooklyn’s Smallest Penis event, a feel-good fun time event that took place yesterday at a bar here in the borough of Brooklyn. This is what she came back with.

http://www.deathandtaxesmag.com/202454/exclusive-brooklyns-smallest-penis-pageant/

[Gidney N Cloyd]

20. Let's ask a famous Brooklynite...

[kurtzapril4]

21. Some people go to great lengths

to surmount their short-comings, and when they do, it makes a vas deferens in their lives!

[pokerfan]

24. Bazinga!

It's an odd thing, this contest. I assume men who would enter it would find small penis humiliation arousing and yes, there is such a thing (google search), But.... being a fan of such a thing would tend to eventually eliminate one's self from competition. Growers vs. showers, if you will.

[BainsBane]

22. Is the measurement with or without assault rifle?

[kurtzapril4]

23. without. n/t

[jmowreader]

26. What borough does Donald Trump live in?

[BainsBane]

28. Manhattan

of course.

[edbermac]

27. So who won?

I'm sure the announcement was the climatic moment of the event.

[pokerfan]

29. Dick Short

Not really...

The three judges – the bar’s manager Aimee Arciuolo, producer of Hotsy Totsy Bulesque Cherry Pitz, and performer Go-Go Harder – got to ask the contestants a few questions about life with a small penis. In response to the question “What advice would you give younger men with small dicks?” Flo Rider declared to the audience his bisexuality, later specified that he really did slightly prefer men to women, and shouted about having been “in the scene forever” and that there “ain’t nothing but love”. A bit of shit show, really, which would have been perfectly fine if we could understand what the hell he was saying.

Real name Nick Gilornan and real life UPS employee, The Delivery Man apparently does acting and modeling on the side, so “going on stage scantily clad is not a big deal for me”. Who woulda thunk?

After the show Gilormam said he’d “never done a pageant before, so I feel pretty awesome about it. It was a lot of fun”. When asked why he entered the competition in the first place, he responded, “The opportunity for something like this will never happen again, so I thought why not”. Life rewards the bold Nick. In this case it rewards them with $200.00, a crown and scepter, and a little extra attention from the ladies.

http://www.deathandtaxesmag.com/202454/exclusive-brooklyns-smallest-penis-pageant/

[BainsBane]

32. Was it really so small?

[datasuspect]

30. next door they're having

The Best Unearned Beard contest