Argh! My Stupid Niece and Her Nasty Girl Drama!!!
She is a verbally abusive, hopefully mentally ill (because then there would be a reason for her nastiness outside of just being a horrible person!) USER person who is being rotten to her 72 year old grandmother (aka my mother!) after having taken financial advantage of her to the tune of thousands of dollars.
The most recent email from her to my mother ends with "kiss my ass and have a nice day o and rot in hell" -- seriously, who talks to their GRANDMOTHER who just paid Rent, Car Insurance, Cable/Internet, Electric and Cell Phone bills for you and your Unemployed "Baby Daddy" for NINE MONTHS so you could go to school, which oh-by-the-way, Grandma ALSO subsidized.
Grandma is now (again, quoting from the email) "just being abusive manipulative" with bonus "the apartment is going to fall into eviction so we can move into our house u will never meet ur great grandson and we want absolutely nothing to do with u" -- the lease has Grandma's name on it.
I cannot say what I think of who this girl has decided to become. How DARE she talk to my mother this way? And why was my mother so blind to her obvious character flaws, leading her to be SHOCKED that this worthless young female who was willing to let her grandmother do without so her boyfriend wouldn't have to Get A Job to support either himself, his OTHER child, or his On-Purpose Pregnant Girlfriend, when the rest of us saw it coming a mile away?
Needed. To. Vent.
= new reply since forum marked as read
And this sounds very much to me like one of those things where one has to say...
Damn it!
Ya gotta wonder: does helping kids even help, or does helping them just perpetuate the problem?
And again it begs the question, is it better to support this behavior or to end support. And, with the child, wow, I don't envy you all in having to make choices.
Good luck, people can change but I don't know what it would take.
We don't talk to her after an incident where she threatened to say something inappropriate to/about my children (who fortunately weren't there). Since we (husband and I) thought the issue was "maturity" (she was 18) we made a decree that she had to go three months In A Row without telling either her mother or her grandmother to "F*CK *FF" (which we thought was a reasonable thing).
Nine months later, she *finally* hit the three month mark (but only because my mother and sister stopped "tattling" on her when they realized we were serious). My husband talked to her, discovered she really didn't understand why her behavior had been and would continue to be inappropriate, and started using obscenities with him, so we stayed away some more. At Christmas time we sent a gift for her (then boyfriend's/now baby-daddy) four year old son, and received both text and voice mail explaining we had "ruined Christmas" because apparently the "evil baby-mama" won't let him see his son because he doesn't pay child support.
Do not even get me started on that bit of logic because I just turn into a frothing lunatic when confronted with that type of nonsense. Sigh.
Anyway, we haven't dealt with her since, but do stay posted on her drama with the expectation that she will eventually mature, and a positive relationship will resume.
It has actually been a blessing to only be on the "periphery" of her ongoing drama, but the way she treats my mother just ticks me off.
At the same time, maybe this time Grandma will learn her lesson? Seriously, if having your granddaughter threaten to have you put in jail because you are "blackmailing her" by threatening to stop paying a cell phone bill unless she follows your "blackmail demand" to notify you once a day that she is okay because she is in the hospital ("medical situation unchanged" was sent five days in a row) doesn't get the point across that this Nasty Girl is AWFUL ---
And yes, the rest of us were convinced Grandma wasn't going to jail for refusing to pay for a cell phone, but Niece actually believed Grandma would be forced to continue paying *AND* be put in jail for "blackmail" --
ARGH!!! The CRAZY!!! IT BURNS!!!!!
Oh my God.
I'm sorry you have to deal with this, can you talk you're Mom into blocking her out? At least for a few months? I have some abusive family members that I ended all contact with. It made my life simpler and much happier.
Btw, this sounds like borderline personality disorder, but that just me being an armchair psychologist.
I hope for a better outcome for you and your family
you're not alone, my older daughter seems to have similar traits, and talks to ME that way. More later.
a very nice guy who knows something about mental/emotional stuff due to his job. I hadn't done so in the past but took a chance today, so we're in touch, he's aware of my concern, she MAY be approaching 'ready' to see a counselor of some sort (due to her father's recent death, which hit her hard,) so we shall see.
The nicer you are, the worse she is.
The attacks seem randomly generated, which is why we won't let her be around our children.
Frankly, we have been here before, but Grandma always "forgets" as soon as she says she is "sorry" and the wallet re-opens.
Funny story here: supposedly after the last time (when she wouldn't let Grandma come to the hospital to see the new baby), Grandma had learned her lesson - insert eye roll - and then, right as the May rent came due, she reached out to her, so Grandma was writing a check to cover that month's bills.
I told my mother that I was sick of it, and that she was nothing but a wallet, and since she wasn't being allowed to visit the baby in the hospital for ten days (supposedly NICU rules, but my twins were in the NICU, so Grandma got set straight, plus she was there, so she "knew" she was being lied to, but just didn't want to acknowledge it, if you know what I mean), I thought the niece was just waiting to see if the check would clear. Grandma got indignant, but I was adamant - this has been going on for a LONG time.
So Grandma decided to prove me wrong, and sent an "I am so sorry, but I just had an unexpected financial situation come up, and I can't send you money right now" with tons of apologies, etc.
To which the niece responded, "You BITCH! You will never see me EVER AGAIN!"
Grandma apologized some more, the niece sent more obscenity laden texts, and then Grandma sent the "this was a test to see if you loved me or my money; you failed. I will not be sending you anymore money, and will be turning off anything currently in my name."
To which the niece responded, "ha ha! you will have to pay a $200 cancellation fee on my cell phone!"
If the niece doesn't hand the cable box to the cable people (who are coming to her door, for pete's sake - it isn't an inconvenience!), there will be ANOTHER $200 charge, which is what the niece seems to be going for.
Did I mention she is trying to get another thousand dollars from Grandma so she can move into a new place? But she SAYS she will give it to the apartment complex where the current lease will end in two months....
My can not roll far enough to express my disgust. ARGH!
My sister told my mother not to give her money, and has been on the receiving end of the abuse multiple times. Usually the niece takes turns playing the two of them. Bio dad was not a part of her life (thank heaven!) and is currently in jail; adopted dad (mother's ex-husband) is not involved / helpful / financially responsible (kicked her out when she was doing drugs with a 14 year old in his house when she was 18).
Some people have messed up lives through no fault of their own. Others take every opportunity given them, throw it away, then stomp on it because why the heck not? She is from the second category.
She made an inappropriate "threat" comment about my children, and I calmly told her she needed to immediately back off and apologize because she was crossing a line I wouldn't let her cross. She doubled down, and hasn't been a part of our lives since. We created a "three month trial" situation where she could demonstrate maturity by not telling either her mother or her grandmother to "f*ck *ff" but it took nine months before she could get there, and I am skeptical she did versus them finally not telling us because we were (gasp!) following through. Later, when my husband tried to talk to her about it, it was obvious that she didn't understand why she was actually crossing a line.
I don't think the ties are permanently cut, but I am *hoping* my mother's wallet is permanently closed!
At the same time, probably not - sigh. Grandma is a push-over, and this one is manipulative. Also, NASTY. 
They were called several times during her teenage years, but they were ZERO help. My sister tried everything, but "out of control teenager" was kind of an understatement, and with Grandma undermining ("I just think you are too hard on her!"
it didn't get better. If she had been put in juvie, my sister would have had to pay for her to be there (and while I don't remember the cost, it was outrageously high/would have left her and the sibling homeless). There was always a hope (and still is) that it was a "maturity" issue -- lots of people behave like crazy folk as teenagers, recover from it, and become functional members of family and society.
Honestly, at this point in time, who cares? Lying abusive scammer - who needs it in your life?
Sigh.
You just can't do anything with some people... She will probably never understand what a dick she's being.
I'm sorry for her son.. but mostly for your mom.
For some shitty situations the only way to not FREAK COMPLETELY OUT is to vent!!
I wish things were different, but...sigh.
The final monies are $200 to cancel the cell phone contract (which the niece gleefully texted grandma about with the message of "ha! ha! you have to pay the cancellation fee - and I already have a new phone!" , and either the return of the cable box, or another $200 to them. The cable company actually *picks up* the box where she lives, and they have made repeated trips to get it, but she won't give it to them, which is why the latest communication started - my mother was asking *very politely* for her to give the cable box to the cable people, which then generated the (latest) abuse string. (There was more, but I included the highlights.) Supposedly there will be an eviction since Grandma won't pay the bills anymore, but she lies so often, who knows? Either way, the security should cover the last month, so worst case, she will be out another month of rent if they take her to court.
I hope the hospital folk have figured out the situation, and will keep her son safely away from her, but who knows? I feel sorry for him.
the rest of the family is just staying out of it for fear of backlash when the inevitable "but this time is DIFFERENT" occurs.
Odds are good my family will somehow find a way to be pissed off at me about this situation - after all, I am actually TALKING ABOUT IT IN PUBLIC! (swoon!)
One must always keep in mind that a person can either be upset about behavior or the people doing the behavior. My family has definite opinions on where the true outrage lies! Lol!
Also, at a certain point, when someone has screwed you over financially multiple times in the past, and you *still* keep giving them money, it just looks like a hobby or something. None of us can stop her, and odds are better than even that she will do it again in the future - this time, 'for the baby!'
Or use obscenities, or threaten to cut them out of your life, or have them thrown in jail for "blackmail" when they ask to be kept informed of your safety? Especially if they are paying your bills for you and your sex-partner?
No wonder you don't understand her - most of us don't! 
Seriously, there is a book out there called "The Sociopath Next Door" and while I've only read bits and pieces, part of me wonders....there is just such a sense of "entitlement" that I can't even explain, and a streak of cruelty that absolutely sickens me. And she *always* goes after the people who love/care about her, and help her out the most.
Don't get me wrong: my mother has really brought a lot of this on herself, and my sister has been caused ridiculous amounts of pain as a result, but there is just something "not right" about my niece, and I would actually be relieved if she was on drugs, because then at least there would be an explanation for her behavior, instead of just NASTY CRUEL PERSON.
