Match Game Story: Matilda Bleat was sunbathing _____ at the nude beach.

[Rabrrrrrr]

Simple rule - fill the blank space with ten or more words and make a story. Story must begin with "Matilda Bleat was sunbathing" and end with the phrase "at the nude beach."

See previous Match Game Storys to see how it's done if you are confused.

Have fun!

[struggle4progress]

1. Matilda Bleat was sunbathing au naturel bare-naked dishabille and unclad at the nude beach.

We learned in high school to use lots of descriptive words to tell the story

[Rabrrrrrr]

4. A great start!

Now, try to write a longer one!

[struggle4progress]

7. Matilda Bleat was sunbathing somewhere around midnight, having dropped 2000 mikes of acid

a bit after dinner. At perhaps nine o'clock, she had decided this might be a good time to finally come to grips with Einstein's theory of relativity, but when she passed through the kitchen on her way towards the bookshelves in the office, she thought she felt hungry and so set about making a large dagwood, with a few slices of cheese, some mashed banana, a layer of peanut butter and a layer of jelly, some pickle chips, several anchovies, and half a bottle of horse-radish mustard. Then she realized she had forgotten the bread and built the sandwich on a plate, after which she realized she had also forgotten the plate and built the sandwich directly on the counter. She grabbed a mug from the cupboard, transferred the sandwich into the mug, then put the mug into the freezer and went into the bedroom to look for the bread. At this point, she found she had a desire to be at the beach, and rummaged through the closet for her bikini, leaving peanut butter and mustard handprints across the dresser, wall, and door. Putting on the swimsuit, she went outside before noticing the two feet of snow on the ground. Coming back inside for her earmuffs, she paused briefly in the kitchen to arrange several crackers in a bowl and to put the mug with her dagwood fixins on top of the crackers. At this moment she began to feel that the house was cold and breezy, and she discovered someone had opened the back door. She wondered for a moment whether she could call the police, but it seemed like a great deal of trouble, and she wasn't sure what exactly to tell them. So she just closed the door and put on her coat. Then she discovered herself in the living room, with the TV tuned to a show about giant insects rampaging through a small town. She turned on the radio, sat down in front of the TV, and before long was buying ice cream, surrounded by giant insects who were preaching about the apocalypse, at the nude beach

[Rabrrrrrr]

8. A stellar bit of writing!

Bravo!

[In_The_Wind]

2. Match Game Story:

Matilda Bleat was sunbathing at my favorite beach in Sandy Hook, New Jersey. It was just across the dunes from Horseshoe Cove. The family beach where my stepson was fishing with his father.

I had just gotten a new tat earlier in the summer and wanted to tan everywhere. So I parked my lily white ass on a blanket to catch a few rays. I was reading 'The Story of O' for the umpteenth time when this guy stopped next to moi. He was looking hung over. Dragging a water stained suede jacket in the sand. I mused to myself ... wonder why he was hanging onto it.

As we know tats are very private. Especially on a nude beach.
You can imagine my surprise when this guy stopped and said: Nice tat. Too bad it will be hidden most of the time.

At my invitation he sat on the sand near my blanket.
We chatted for a while until Teddy came to help me back to our boat. It was time to BBQ the steaks.
Ted ask the guy to join us. The guy said: yes.

It was a beautiful beginning to a lifelong friendship that began at the nude beach.

[Rabrrrrrr]

3. Very good - I especially like how Matilda is there at the start, then never appears again.

That kind of total disregard for a character is awesome!

Good story!

[In_The_Wind]

10. Rabrrrrrr

That really was my favorite nude beach.
The web I spin through my tales on your threads are from my life.
Another fyi moment for those who are less intuitive than you.
Obviously ... some are pure fiction, incorporating things that I've investigated.
Some are half truths about moi.
It is up to the reader to glean what they will from my word.
Casting the rest aside in the sand at the nude beach.

[Duer 157099]

5. Matilda Bleat was sunbathing

with her cat Bunky in the backyard on her favorite chaise lounge--the red one with the white stripes (the chair, not the cat)--when suddenly she saw a flash and heard a tremendous rumble and then a BANG! as a giant bolide flew across the sky. The smoke trail hung in the sky directly above her, and it looked like the meteorite had probably touched down a mile or so to the west, at the nude beach.

[Rabrrrrrr]

6. Terrific!!

Has some of my favorite things - cats, lawn furniture with red and white stripes, and a bolide wiping out the denizens of a nude beach.

[Art_from_Ark]

9. Matilda Bleat was sunbathing in her backyard.

Suddenly, a stream of random thoughts started flowing through her head. First, as a trickle, then as a raging torrent. "Why do I prefer Coke over Pepsi?" "Do bears REALLY crap in the woods?" "Who put the bomp in the bomp bomp bomp?"

Eventually, her thoughts turned to that age-old question: "Who am I?" And she thought, and she thought, and she thought about it. And when she couldn't answer that one, she thought, "How in the world did I ever get a name like Matilda Bleat?" But once again, she failed to find a satisfactory answer. So she decided to go inside and listen to an old 45 record player that had been given to her by the third cousin of her step-mother's second son from her fourth marriage, who had traced her ancestry all the way back to Atilla the Hun.

After rummaging through her eclectic collection of small vinyl discs with big round holes, she found one that she had never noticed before but now, somehow, immediately caught her attention. It was "Waltzing Matilda", as sung by the Merry Mailman. "Maybe this record holds the answer!" she exclaimed to herself.

Eagerly, she put the old record on the thick spindle. The spindle slid snugly through the hole. "Mmmm", she thought. "For some reason, I'm starting to feel a little frisky." Just then, the crackling voice of the Merry Mailman began singing,

"Once a jolly swagman
Camped beside a billibond
Under the shade of a coolibah tree..."

Matilda was puzzled. The words sounded like English, but yet, they were so foreign. Was this some sort of code?

After a bit of research, Matilda learned that the song was, indeed, in a code, called "Australian English". One by one, she looked up the meanings of the code words in the song. Eventually, she found that the word "jumbuck" meant "sheep". And what do sheep do? They "bleat"! Eureka! She had solved the mystery of her name!

Then, still feeling a bit frisky, her thoughts suddenly turned to that hunk of a lifeguard she had met just a couple of days ago. A wave of indescribably intense feelings started sweeping through her body. "Enough of this music!" she shouted to no one in particular. "I'm heading for the nude beach!"

[Solly Mack]

11. Matilda Bleat was sunbathing,

along with her husband Chèvre Bleat, in full battle gear because the couple had heard that their favorite vacationing spot had been invaded and they wanted to protect themselves while at the nude beach.

[Dr. Strange]

12. Let's do this thing.

Matilda Bleat was sunbathing while listening to Rush, her regular daily routine. [Get rid of “regular”; daily implies regular. -ed. ] And today it was Permanent Waves. While Geddy was detailing the wonders of Jacob’s Ladder, Matilda was reading the front page of her local newspaper. [Too many words. Why not just say Matilda was reading the newspaper? -ed. ] Article after article about the evils occurring in society.

Why can’t people just get along? she wondered to herself. [To herself? Who else is she going to wonder to? Unnecessary verbiage! -ed. ] Something needs to change!

What we need, she realized, is a machine. A scientific machine [scientific? Really? -ed. ] that will take a human and convert them into a nicer person, a better person. Into Geddy Lee! [Well, that’s just a little silly isn’t it? -ed. ]

And over the course of the next two months, Matilda banged away in her laboratory creating her machine, taking breaks only to eat and sunbathe. And at the end of the 2 months, her creation was complete! [Spell it out: two months, not 2 months. -ed. ] Time to test it out. [“out” is unnecessary. -ed. ]

Matilda went out and found the most evil person she could: the editor of the local fiction magazine. Because, as everyone knows, editors are mean fuckers. [Ha, ha, very funny. -ed. ] She shot him with a tranq gun and dragged his anal retentive ass into her lab. [Really? Oh, and spell out “tranqualizer”. -ed. ]

She threw the douche-bag editor into her machine. [It’s “douchebag”. Dumbass. -ed. ] He screamed his douche bag screams as the machine started up. [Again, “douchebag”. -ed. ] But gradually his douchebag shrieks faded. [There you go. Douchebag. -ed. ] And finally, from the machine, emerged an awesome copy of Geddy Lee, ready to kick ass like a Canadian. [I’m pretty sure that “kick ass like a Canadian” is an oxymoron. -ed. ]
And then that copy of Geddy Lee took it upon himself to start garotting every editor he could find. [“garroting” Dumbass. -ed. ] And everyone cheered the new Geddy on, because they hated editors, what with their pompus better than everyone else attitudes. [“pompous” And we are in fact better than you. -ed. ]

So the editors banded together to form an army and fight the mighty Geddy Lee Mark II. [Mark II? Really? -ed. ] And the new and improved (if such a thing is possible) Geddy looked at the mighty army assembled before him and decided to quit, saying “That’s it, I’m out of here. I’ve seen fewer assholes at the nude beach.”

[Rabrrrrrr]

13. Howls of joyous laughter!!

That was the most unique and solely singular one-of-a-kind story EVAH!

And I'm so glad we have two Geddy Lees now!!!

You, good doctor, are an exceptional writer.

[Duer 157099]

14. Who is your editor, taterguy?

And the dumbass missed one "Matilda went out and found..." {"out" again? Really? -tateryguy}

[monmouth3]

15. Excellent!

[In_The_Wind]

16. Wonderful!

[greatauntoftriplets]

17. Matilda Bleat was sunbathing...

despite the fact that it was pouring rain and just 50 degrees. The calendar said "May", but the weather said "March". She was wrapped in a soaking wet beach towel and plastic parka. Because the 30 mph wind was blowing the rain at Matilda and there was no break in the battleship gray clouds, Matilda had ample time to contemplate her dilemma.

Her eccentric uncle Lambton (known as Lamb) Bleat would create a $25 million trust fund for struggling poetess Matilda if she was willing to fulfill a certain request to be carried out at the curiously named Forty Foot Beach. This was a small beach, secluded from the busy road but very popular with the local citizens and tourists alike. The promised trust fund would enable Matilda to live quite comfortably as she attempted to write poetry that would rival Shakespeare's, Wordsworth's, Whitman's and Ogden Nash's.

Unfortunately, Matilda's natural modesty made it difficult for her to fulfill her uncle Lamb Bleat's odd request. So she took out a flask of cheap brandy, swilled it down and made ready to act!

Brave Matilda chose a rainy day to parade her womanly charms -- which was deserted because of the driving rain -- at the nude beach.

[Rabrrrrrr]

21. very well done!

[warrprayer]

18. Matilda Bleat was

sunbathing at the nude beach. After a while, she decided to take a walk. She came upon a woman sitting next to a bottle, and said "hey! Thats Barbara Eden! I've found a Genie out of her bottle"!
"Aha! I have caught you outside of your bottle, so you have to grant me a wish"! cried Matilda. By the way, I think your show is really sexist, with your wearing those harem pants and stuff and calling Major Nelson "Master". Barbara Eden replied "Hey, it was 1966. We had more important things to worry about than your P.C. bullshit, like Vietnam, global thermonuclear annihilation, and getting to the moon."
"I don't care, as long as you grant my wish", said Matilda. "Very well", said Barbara Eden, "wish away".
"I want Ann Coulter to be President"! cried Matilda. "I've been in love with her for years"! Barbara Eden replied, "that's a really tough wish". "In exchange for your wish, under the Genie Union contract, I am allowed to have you do something in exchange for your wish" said Barbara. "Well... O.K.," said Matilda, I hope it's not too hard". "You think making Ann Coulter President isn't"? replied Barbara? "Matilda, your pubic hair looks worse than the Vietnam bush I had to fly over when I was with Major Nelson. Pull it all out, you are a disgrace to the nude beach"! "But it will hurt" cried Matilda! "Well, no wish then"! Said Barbara.
30 minutes and much ouching and crying later, Matilda was finished. "Now make Ann Coulter President"! Barbara Eden broke out in laughter. "What are you laughing at? Give me my damn wish" screamed Matilda! Barbara Eden picked up the bottle, put it to her lips, took a long pull and said "A little old to be believing in Genies at the nude beach, aren't you Matilda"?

[In_The_Wind]

19. Poor poor Matilda!

[warrprayer]

20. great song

[Rabrrrrrr]

22. Ha ha! Moronic Matilda. Never liked that stupid (*@%(.