Interpreting online dating profiles

[alarimer]

I know there are pages and pages on the internet devoted to figuring out what someone is really saying in their dating profile, but one thing I encounter a lot from local guys is that they claim to be "very moral." Now, to me that sets off alarm bells, just like "family values" is code for being a right-winger. The way someone who claims to be very "Christian" usually isn't. The "good moral" guy also lists his political affiliation as conservative. Of course to me that sends up a red flag.

I am, I guess, somewhat of a moral relativist. I can think of situations where lying might be appropriate, or where stealing as a last resort if you're starving, things like that. Does that make me immoral? I generally believe in the golden rule. I think that treating others as you would have them treat you is pretty much all the morals you need.

[cyberswede]

1. Yeah - "very moral" sounds creepy.

And they're probably "very judgmental," too.

(p.s. - did you mean to post this in the Lounge)

[alarimer]

2. Yes.

I don't think it belongs anywhere else.

[cyberswede]

3. Oh my god - I'm an idiot!

I thought I was reading in Welcome & Help.

Please carry on, and don't mind me...

[In_The_Wind]

4. Interpreting online dating profiles is a crapshot at best.

imo: on-line dating isn't easy.
I know because I did it for years.

I do not think you are immoral at all.

[pinboy3niner]

5. The only way to know what you're getting is to use MadTV's dating site

[alarimer]

6. I have standards

They may be low, but at least I have them.

My expectations get lower by the day.

[pinboy3niner]

7. How could anyone doubt that they have high standards...

[Moondog]

8. I am a cynic.

And I have never been on a dating site. Which means, of course, that my opinion is probably meaningless.

But I do know other guys.

"Very moral" and "good moral" will generally translate to "I couldn't get a date if we were trapped on a desert island, and I was the last man on it."

[Sekhmets Daughter]

9. Man has twisted the concept morality so out of shape, it has little meaning

any longer. Doing unto others as you would have them do unto you, aka The Golden Rule or the second greatest commandment of Jesus...Love your neighbor as you would love yourself are the only truly moral standards anyone ever needs. If either of those serve as your moral compass, you are as far from being immoral as it is possible to be while remaining human.

[pinboy3niner]

10. Someone who puts "very moral" in his dating profile likely is anything but

I could be wrong, but I'd guess it is someone who has rigid views on morality--mainly for others. It's a red flag that says, "Run away, fast."

[Sekhmets Daughter]

11. I think you're completely correct...judgmental and not moral at all!

Besides....I have always preferred the bad boys!

[undeterred]

12. When a man says he's into honesty and loyalty it means

he's into you being honest and loyal to him, not that he's not going to cheat on you.

[alarimer]

14. See that a lot too.

I guess it's hard to write these things. Maybe I've gotten so cynical that I don't believe anyone anymore. Certainly I take these profiles with many, many grains of salt.

[Kali]

13. virgin

or expect you to be

[alarimer]

15. Well it ain't my first rodeo

and I certainly hope it's not theirs either.

[Lydia Leftcoast]

16. The biggest turn-offs for me are (and these are actual lines I've seen)

1) "Knows how to treat a lady"--Do you know any other clichés?

2) "I like candlelight dinners."---I'm not looking for Hyacinth Bucket.

3) "I'm open, honest, and sincere."--That invariably means that you're not.

4) "I like perky redheads, dress size 6 to 8." ---That's what your ex, who you're still mooning over, looks like, right?"

5) "College graduate, homeowner."--Yeah, so you majored in business and bought a house. You work, and then you come home and watch reality shows. Boring!

6) "I'm angry at the Republicans...(insert two paragraphs of political rant)"-- This isn't an anti-war rally. There should be more to you than your politics.

7) "Financially secure man, age x, seeks attractive woman, age up to x-20."--In other words, you're thinking, "Oh my God, I forgot to have children!" or "I'm going to make sure that I have a live-in nursemaid when I'm old."

8) "Shy, lonely."--Get some coaching in social skills from your platonic female friends. If you don't have any platonic female friends, that's part of your problem.

[alarimer]

18. I've seen all of those, or variations.

I don't personally care if someone owns a house. I don't own a house; I never have, never wanted to because it would have meant staying in a place longer than I perhaps wanted to.

Generally speaking, I'm not interested in anyone whose profile is all cliches. I get that they are hard to write. But at least be interesting. Most people, though are not.

[Lydia Leftcoast]

20. A married male friend in Oregon read through the personals one day

after hearing me complain and came back saying that most of the men's profiles made them sound boring, so that he wouldn't even want to have a beer with them, but that most of the women sounded lively and interesting.

I did personals on and off for about twenty years. During that time, I made one platonic male friend and had one brief relationship.

I came to the conclusion that the best men don't have to advertise, because they're out there being and doing, where the women will find them.

[solemnspace]

17. I forget where I saw it, long ago, but there was a printed ad in the "men seeking women" section...

That was along the lines of "into spanking, bondage, whipping, humiliation, gagging, and female domination. No kink."

[KG]

19. my profile includes nothing likes those phrases, because those would 'givens' in my view..

been doing it long enough that a few IMs or phone conversations will reveal what i want to know about a person without even asking any questions.

i think it's a bit amusing when women say 'if you're a (player, married etc), don't contact me', as if that would stop them.

[alarimer]

21. Yes, what's to stop them lying about their status?

Some people are honest enough to admit they are still married, but most people could say they were single and I would never know if that was true or not until I knew them a little better.