Is it really better to have love and lost than to have never loved at all? How can one miss an

[ohiosmith]

emotion or feeling that they never experienced?

[Tobin S.]

1. People who have never had a partner in life

still know what love is, or at least have a pretty good idea. They know when they want it. I was single my entire life until I was 38 and had actually only had a few sexual encounters. But there came a time when I knew my life would be better with a wife. I'm not saying everyone wants that, but most people know what love is regardless.

[ohiosmith]

6. It's nice to find what one needs before it's too late.

[Myrina]

33. Not necessarily ...

... I've never had a "partner" that lasted longer than 6 months and yet, if you asked me at the time ... it was love with each and every one of them. In retrospect, nah, it was lust ... or, it was 'I need someone to help me pay the rent', or ' I don't want to be alone', or 'He's really fine!', etc etc ... but do I have an idea what love is?

I have no idea what a 'true, loving partnership' is made of. My parents were an adult from an abusive background/alcoholic and a passive aggressive-who-married-him-on-the-rebound.

So, nope. Some people don't know how to 'do love'.

[Tobin S.]

34. Love is not difficult or complicated or mythical

Allowing yourself to do it can be hard for a lot of people, though.

[Orrex]

2. I hated Lost

Dumb show from start to finish.

[ohiosmith]

3. To your room! No pudding tonight!

[Sherman A1]

36. Same here

never did find anything about the show to like.

[Honeycombe8]

4. It's all over tv, in the movies, in books. Everyone who lives around other people knows all about it

Maybe if you lived alone in teh woods, raised by wolves, you would not understand it. But you'd certainly understand affection and sex, since wolves are affectionate, take care of each other, feed each other, take care of others' pups, etc.

But that's an interesting question. Would it be better to have loved and lost (what most people have experienced, probably) than never to have loved at all? Hmmm. I don't know. I'll ponder that. I've loved and lost, so I'll try to imagine not going through those experiences.

[ohiosmith]

8. I've thought about it for years!

[In_The_Wind]

5. Yes. Life is meaningless, empty without passion.

[img][/img]

[ohiosmith]

9. Can't there be passion without love, and love without passion?

[Bucky]

12. You misspelled "poison"

but the answer is still emphatically no

[ohiosmith]

14. I've desired and had intense feelings for people that I didn't love. I have also loved individuals

that I has no passion for!

[In_The_Wind]

13. oh ohio

Can't there be passion without love

Of course there can be passion without love, it's called lust.
Sadly, it fades quickly.

love without passion

When passion dies, all that's left is companionship,
or nothing at all.





What more do want to know?

[ohiosmith]

17. Good summation!

[In_The_Wind]

18. ~ ~ ~

[img][/img]

[ohiosmith]

19. Good night!

[pokerfan]

7. perhaps...

"'Tis better to have loved and lost than to stay home and download increasingly shameful pornography." - Rajesh Ramayan Koothrappali, Ph.D.

[ohiosmith]

10. I only read the stories!

[Bucky]

11. Silly question.

You know what love is. Your body is genetically programmed to seek and wallow in love. People all kinds of crazy shit: men lie, women willing degrade themselves, kids get stoned and fumble into beds when their parents are off at work, dudes spend hours tooling thru internet porn sites, furries spend thousands of dollars on costumes just to feel a shadow of that endorphinal rush of being in love. We know what's missing, deep in the heart and glands, when we don't have love. Losing the love of one's life is a bummer; so is losing the love of one's past 18 months. But it's not all bad. There's the knowledge of having had true acceptance for a blink of an eye on the geologic scales of our lives. It's a sweet fragrance we sniff after and yearn to repeat. Even if it was gone, it was once there and the phantom pain of it sustains it until we land in love again. How can that not be better than feeling only the dry concrete floor of a heart that aches for a flood that never pours in? Even if we haven't tasted it, we know--in the same way that an indoor cat knows it wants to catch that robin just outside on the window ledge--we know in our bones and loins and thumping hearts that it's a taste we long to savor.

Yes, it is better to have loved and lost. In your heart, you know it's got to be that way.

[ohiosmith]

15. Not the first or last "silly" question I've posed.

Thank you for responding!

[Tobin S.]

16. That's some fancy writin' there, hoss.

I can dig it.

[BlancheSplanchnik]

20. I don't know.....

I've been craving love. Since I was very small.

But, having been imprinted with hugely harmful examples from the git go, I fall for seriously damaged people. Always have--- it's familiar.

I've had my heart ripped out too many times. The last one I thought was my soul mate--oh god, did i ever love him.....well, I was so entranced, I ignored important red flags. Turns out he was a flaming alcoholic who has no desire to stop. And a Vietnam Vet who hasn't gotten help with the emotional damage. When he would get triggered, he could be very abusive.

The pain of heartbreak and loss and of ending up alone really really really really really really sucks.

I wish I just never loved at all.
And yet I still hope that I'll find my soul mate. I wish i could stop and just be satisfied being alone.

Sorry, I'm feeling sad and your question got me going. :-/

[Tobin S.]

22. You just have to realize that you deserve a nice guy

My wife used to fall for losers before she met me. She said she was visiting with a friend who was a guy (and taken) who was really nice and it just struck her that she wanted to be with a nice guy. She finally had gotten tired of being treated like dirt. I don't think it was anything deeply rooted in her psychology that made her pick bad guys. She probably just had self esteem issues.

[BlancheSplanchnik]

27. good for your wife!

Yeah, I do want a nice guy... I just have age fears now. Intellectually I know that doesn't mean I'm doomed, but emotionally it's hard to believe that.

On the dating sites, the only guys who look at me are 70 frikken years old!!!!! All the guys my age want women younger than them, like in their 40's. Or worse!. Talk about ageism!

Well...I know from experience that when I'm peaceful about it and ready, things will come together...but....dang I'm not getting to peaceful , it seems.

Thanks for listening, Tobin. Much apperciated.

[harmonicon]

21. I think you're missing the point of the statement.

It's not about missing something you've never experienced.

It's more like saying it's better to have had a really great piece of pie than none at all even if you know you'll never get pie again in either case.

Mmm... pie.

[mikeytherat]

32. Best interpretation of that line:

"If there's a big delicious cake, isn't it better to have one slice, rather than nothing at all? Even if you're sharing the cake with four other guys, and they're all thrusting their sweaty, naked bodies against the cake?" - Dr. Zoidberg, futurama

mikey_the_rat

[union_maid]

23. The older I get, the more I don't know

All our experiences inform us. The ones that tear our hearts out, stomp on them and then taunt us with the pain seem to be some of the most important parts of our journey through life. If you haven't been devastated by loss then you're just not growing.

Or, alternatively, it's a just good thing to tell ourselves while we're in our rooms, staring at the wall and listening to "I Am a Rock" over and over again.

Another possibility is that it's just too early in the morning for me to be trying to think about things.

[In_The_Wind]

25. It's never too early in the morning to kick start your brain.

When I wasn't listening to "I Am a Rock" over and over again,
this was only one of the tunes thar kept me company on long lonely nights.


*off topic" http://www.democraticunderground.com/1018292632
I did add one more option to my poll.

I wish you a wonderful Friday, union_maid.


[img][/img]

[tavalon]

24. They don't

But those who didn't miss the experience know what it is that they missed, even if they don't and in their selfish view, those without such experiences are all the less for it.

I get a similar comment when people find out my marriage just broke up after 11 years. And then they go on to tell me that I will find love again. I think it stuns them when I say "Oh, I hope not!". I think I've done the whole coupling thing to death. I'd like to try something else for the later part of my life. I guess I missed the class where I am bereft without a man to validate me. Take that as a cautionary tale - do not skip class. On second thought, feel free to skip that class.

[union_maid]

26. I hear you

Hell, I'm married and will be til death us do part. I mean, we're both 63 and that'll be happening before you know it. But if I'm the last one standing I would not consider a late remarriage. I know people who do remarry late in life, and everyone things it's just too cute for words. As far as I'm concerned there comes a time when enough is enough.

[dr.strangelove]

28. It is better for the one saying this line

Having "loved," one can assume that the person did not experience this "love" at birth, but instead came upon it later in life. They therefore have experienced life without "love" and also experienced life with "love." They therefore can opine on whether they were better off having experienced that "love" and then reverted back to the life without "love," than to have only experienced life without "love" without ever having experienced "loved."

I have to say, I wholeheartedly agree. Life travels by so quickly. I think its important to lead as full a life as possible, with as many possible emotional states as you can. I think everyone should try to experience, love, sadness, anger, hatred and so many more experiences. I think it is also better to have "hated" and lost than never to have "hated" at all. By going through that hatred, it teaches you about the feeling and the toll it takes on you. Having gone through some immature "hatred" as a youngster, it made me a better person and one that now is able to resist that state better. I did not like it at all. Now we can't always experience everything, but I do think for each of us, it is better to experience as much as possible, be it love, hatred, sadness, happiness or anything else. All of it makes us understand and probably appreciate life just a little more.

[lastlib]

29. No--too much pain in losing

[Wait Wut]

30. I've done it all.

And, no...it isn't. Both can be equally satisfying, depending on what one does with one's time.

But, I'm fairly cold-hearted, so my opinion should be taken with a heart shaped box of candy.

[dawg]

31. Owner of a Lonely Heart ...

much better than the owner of a broken heart.

[kwassa]

35. I thought it was "Owner of a Parking Lot"

Isn't that the lyrics of the song?