I had a horrible vision this morning

[Tobin S.]

I'm a trucker. I went to work this morning when it was dark. It has snowed a great deal here lately and the lot where my company's trucks were parked was slick. There were a couple of other drivers who came in at the same time I did. I went out to my truck, got it warmed up, and pulled out. On my way out of the lot I saw one of the other drivers get in his truck. As I was looking over there in that brief moment I felt my truck run over something. I looked back in my mirror and couldn't quite make out what it was, but I figured it was just a small drift of snow.

I got out on the road and headed toward my first customer, but something was nagging at me. It was dark in the lot and I couldn't really see what was behind me. I hadn't seen the other driver who came in. What if, while I was looking at the one driver get in his truck, the other driver had been walking along and fallen on the ice. What if as he had lain there and I was looking the other way...you know...that thing I had felt my truck run over.

My mind started playing with me at that point. As I was working through the gears I kept waiting for a panicking voice to come over the company radio saying that the unthinkable had happened.

At that point I started thinking about all of the things that I had in life, all of the things that I had accomplished. I watched them all go away. I saw myself in court being tried for manslaughter while the deceased driver's family wept. I saw myself going to jail, losing everything that I own, losing my wife, losing my family. I saw myself not being able to live with myself. It was all an accident, but someone had died and my life was ruined as well.

That panicked call never came over the radio. I made it back with my first load and saw the killed driver miraculously resurrected. I looked in the parking lot and it was as I had thought- just a snow drift.

Lord help me. I don't think my heart can take being a truck driver for another thirty years.

[CaliforniaPeggy]

1. You are a very good man, my dear Tobin...

That's why you were imagining all those awful things. A psychopath wouldn't have given it a second thought.

I think you're doing a great job!

[Tobin S.]

3. Thank you, Peggy.

You know I've made a great deal of posts concerned with trucking. If I had to pick one thing I want people to understand about it, the theme of the OP is it. If you put enough time in on the road, we're talking millions of miles, something bad will probably happen to you. Whether it's your mistake or someone else's, the law of averages is likely catch up to you at some point. Most people never want anything like that to happen, but it has happened and it will keep happening.

When you take to the roads there is an element of luck involved no matter how experienced and safe you are.

[Baitball Blogger]

7. What she said.

You always know what to say.

[CaliforniaPeggy]

8. Aw, thank you, my dear Baitball Blogger!

[Purveyor]

2. It is not an easy life being a trucker. My dad loved to drive but gave it up after rolling a tanker

on snow covered roads when a lady with child spun out in front of him.

He ditched the tanker, laying it on its side in the ditch.

I (all of 5 years old) can still remember him sobbing when they brought him home 'all I could see was that little babe in the passenger seat' so I ditched my rig.

Nope...tough life, indeed.

He went on to operate a front-end loader at a asphalt plant which I actually did for a few years after high school.

If you enjoy operating machinery, you might want to look into something like that.

Godspeed and stay safe.

[Tobin S.]

4. Thank you

I'm going to college part time. Hopefully, I'll be able to hang up my keys in another 3 years.

[TrogL]

11. We have a show up here called "Highway to hell"

It's about a towing company that works to keep the Coquitlam highway open during the winter. When the talk about the inevitable accidents, many of them truckers swerving to avoid killing families. Some ending up dying themselves.

[JustABozoOnThisBus]

5. "I looked back in my mirror and couldn't quite make out what it was"

... and that was the cause of all this anxiety. Thirty seconds, and you would have known you ran over a chunk of ice, or a tool or 2x4 buried in the snow.

Even if the worst of your imaginings had happened, an accident in the workplace does not result in all those horrid consequences you foresaw.

But next time, get out of the truck and take a look.

Meanwhile, count your blessings, you have many.

[Tobin S.]

6. There wasn't really much doubt that it was a snow drift

it was just an idea of what could happen to me that got my mind working.

on edit: Believe me, if I'd really thought I'd ran over someone I wouldn't have kept on going.

[libodem]

9. Dodged a bullet

Reprieve. Relief. Glad it never happened. Whoo. (Blows bangs up with a sigh.)

[TrogL]

10. A friend of mine backed over his nephew

He had been over to visit and was ready to leave. Nobody saw the kid leave the house. My friend drives a big truck with a big blind spot behind it. You can imagine the rest. I heard about it through Facebook.

[marzipanni]

12. That kind of freak-out can be good

Maybe if that hadn't happened you wouldn't be quite as compelled to be extremely careful (you are already super careful) before backing up, and the more careful you are, the less likely something might happen.

Hospitals are learning that going through a check list in the operating room, similar to those that pilots use before take-off and astronauts use before lift-off, prevents mistakes like leaving a surgical sponge in an incision, or amputating the wrong leg.

My brother-in-law and his wife were walking in a parking lot after a softball game when their 3-year-old daughter, just ahed of them, was knocked down by a car backing up. Fortunately she was at the center of the bumper and didn't get run over, just got a big scrape on her forehead.
Even though I wasn't there, I always think about that when I'm backing up in a parking lot- is some little kid running ahead of his parent behind my car?

[Odin2005]

13. YIKES!

I dad was a trucker for many years, he quit because he didn't like being away from home after I was born.

[Ikonoklast]

14. Pic taken by witness of what actually happened at the scene prior to your arrival.

Dude, you were set up.

[Ptah]

15. I'm a welder and I know what you mean.

I have fabricated some lifting frames that lift important scientific instruments.
I lose sleep wondering if I did a good job.
I hope it holds.


This weldment supports an instrument that is worth $many.

[Denninmi]

17. It's natural to question things after the fact at work.

Don't think I haven't sweated it out more than once when I've filed something with the court clerk and then wait to see if the filing was accepted, or if I have to redo it and have to tell the client he/she needs to resign the correct/revised documents so I can resubmit, which means a delay.

Or, the other big thing I worry about, coming up soon -- did I input a client's taxes correctly? I would hate to make a mistake that would cost someone a penalty and/or interest, especially if it's something complex that I'm unsure about. And, my boss needs to check things a little closer than he does at times. The good news, in 5 seasons of preparing taxes, I haven't made any serious mistakes that affected the outcome in a major way. Some minor ones, like transposing the cost basis and gross proceeds on some stock trades, but those were easily corrected with a quickie 1040X, which we do NOT charge the client to do, and the correction actually resulted in a very small net refund for the client since it decreased capital gains as the long term gain I showed was actually a long term loss.

Such is life in a law office.

[hedgehog]

16. I hope I'm not intruding - but maybe you should

check with your doctor? Like you said - maybe your mind is playing tricks on you.

[Tobin S.]

18. I'm fine, hedgehog.

In my line of work, I would think it abnormal to not have such thoughts from time to time.

[hedgehog]

19. Good to hear! I was hoping not to come across as pushy-

I have to take a deep breathe and check my thinking from time to time - to realize that my depression/anxiety is flaring a bit.