When fate decides to take a crap on you, then kick you while you're down--or why I should never complain again.
Last night, we had dinner with an old friend of ours. My wife has known him for longer than I have, and I have known him for almost 50 years, when he was still a medical student.
He was always a happy guy, sometimes a little naïve, but fun, and the perfect guy to be a doctor, with a great ability to connect with patients, treat and reassure them.
He completed his studies, opened a practice, married and had two children. We were never out of touch.
Then, one day, he told us his wife had left him for a guy 15 years her junior. His kids took his side, and were appalled. But he eventually got over it, and remarried a very nice woman whom we liked very much. We were at their wedding. His practice was going well, and he dedicated several weeks out of the year to work for free in sub-Saharan Africa for Doctors Without Borders, usually Kenya or Sudan.
About eight years ago, that life came crashing to an end. He suffered a massive stroke, and then two minor ones after that. He was in a coma for about two months, and woke up a vegetable. He crawled his way back to consciousness, but couldn't move for months. He gradually recovered some mobility, but was, and remains, a physical basket case. His wife suddenly found herself a full-time nurse to an invalid, and though she has stuck with him, they have had to blow their savings trying to stay afloat. She has had to take a few short vacations on her own just maintain her sanity. State help is minimal, and he is terrified of being institutionalized. His son came down with a glioblastoma, and died at age 41, and his daughter hasn't been able to cope with her dad's new reality. She has broken off contact. In the meantime, he has also had melanoma in twelve places and parts of his body look like a patchwork quilt where malignancies have been removed. He is in the intermediate stages of Parkinson's disease as well. As a physician, he is perfectly aware of the awful shape he is in, as well as the prospects of recovery (none). He wavers back and forth between self-pity and shame at having to demand so much from other people. We tried to talk of old times and get his mind off his predicament for a while, but it is omnipresent.
Any time I think I might have problems, someone please remind me of my doctor friend.
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If so, perhaps you could encourage him to record his memoirs--whether a personal approach or a "look back"at memorable cases (in general terms) that he saw over years of practice. That could be both instructional for the next generation(s) of physicians and/or for the lay public and friends/family if he chooses to adopt a more simple and nontechnical rendering.
I say this after listening to the majority of an Audible audiobook that came across my stream as a free offering available on the platform. It is entitled "Cook County ICU" by Cory Franklin, MD. Now, I'm not saying it is the best example of such a book and if I were to critique it, I'd have a lot to say. But it is a nice example of someone like your friend taking the opportunity to remember back over his career and to offer insight (in this case, mainly to the lay public) on what that was like.
Perhaps he might be up for something like this--which could interest a student--even a high school student-- who may wish to pursue a future career in medicine-- to help him with it?
Just a thought. 
And that's to laugh and smile and dance and sing
How sad for all of you.
He surely benefits from your company and friendship.
"No matter how bad you think things are going for you there's hundreds in worse shape" And I watched him
help a lot of those people out at his auto repair shop making life long friends.
I know you not but, your actions speak love and care. 
I am sorry for you DFW, I know it must be a heartache for you. I'm sorry for his wife.
I just lost a friend of 40 years to a stroke she suffered in mid-December. Her right side was pretty much paralyzed and she could barely speak. She always had a sense of humor and still had it up to the time she passed about 2 months later, mid Feb.
It is never easy to see loved ones and good friends suffer and struggle as their lives come to an end.
Peace be to you and your friend.
i'm so sorry about your friend and what he is living with/going through.
i'm sorry you're going through it along with him (yet i understand why you stand by him -- and i think that it is wonderful that you are doing that)
my mom used to say "everything happens for a reason" which always drove me crazy. i had a young, beautiful friend who was murdered before her 18th birthday and the killer was never caught. my mother loved this girl -- it was obvious that she wasn't thinking of her when she made that "everything happens for a reason" remark.
perhaps she wished it was only that simple -- maybe it was her desire that life would make sense and she could understand it if only she could figure it out.
but from the time i was seventeen i understood that sometimes things don't always happen for a reason.
sometimes there is no fucking rhyme or reason to the crap that happens to people.
sometimes life is horribly "unfair" (but no one ever said "life is fair" anyway)
sometimes it sucks
sometimes it is an absolute heartbreaker
Every day we must be grateful for the good in our lives.
As Joan Baez said, “There but for fortune go you or I.”
