In Memoriam

[malthaussen]

Probably too personal, but I am so sad now, I don't care. I crave the Indulgence of the Court. This is just by way of "goodbye" to someone (I doubt anyone on DU knew her) I never wanted to say goodbye to.

In 1973-74, I loved a girl. She was my best friend then, she is still one of the two or three best friends I ever had. I was 17/18, she was 24/25. Any time during the past 38 years, I would have married her in a heartbeat, if she'd have had me. She wouldn't though and she was probably right. (I can see your sardonic grin right now, girl) She left me with two quotes I use frequently: "Timing is everything," and "If it wasn't meant to be, it wasn't meant to be." Maybe not too profound, but serviceable in so many situations. We were friends, never lovers, and in '74 she sailed away. For awhile, anyway.

In 1980 I faced the worst crisis of my life (so far). Out of the clear blue, six years after she'd left, I called her up and asked for her love and support, and she never hesitated an instant. No surprise to anyone who knew her, she was the truest and most loyal friend anyone could want. She'd closed that distant door behind her, but would open it out of love and the goodness of her heart. Maybe she saved my life -- it's possible. And so we parted again -- friends but not lovers, however much we may have loved -- for good, I figured.

And so it was, except in 1986 I met her in the elevator at the university. She was just starting a BA (at 37, just like her), I was working on my PhD. I invited her to my office -- she never did come by. 73-74 had been bad years for her (not because of me, though. Or not much) I know she wanted to forget them -- and I wouldn't have wanted to stir up bad times for her for anything. Timing... is everything.

And now, of course, she is dead. She died July 8th, I just found out today when I decided to see if she was on Facebook. Imagine my surprise. Anytime during the past few years, I could have sent an email, just to tell her she has never been forgotten... but if it wasn't meant to be, it wasn't meant to be.

As the years pile up, and friends and lovers die, and even my brother, too... how easy it is to understand that simple old saw: "The secret of life is to love and be loved in return." Yet every one of us, it seems, must relearn that secret, again and again. DU, please forgive the too-personal nature of this post. Alene, I will always love you.

-- Mal

[CaliforniaPeggy]

1. My dear malthaussen...

Oh, I hear you, sweetie...your story brought the tears to my eyes. She knew you loved her...she loves you still.

May your good memories of her sustain you as you work through this horrifying loss...

I am so very sorry.

[malthaussen]

2. Thank you, Peggy

Oh, yeah, she knows. I told her so.

Some people spread kindness all around them, and she was one such. Meanwhile, the mean ones go on and on... sigh.

-- Mal

[rug]

3. No one ever truly knows the impact we have on one another.

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Thanks for sharing hers.

[malthaussen]

5. Thank you, Rug

I never heard that sweet song before, I appreciate it.

How do people forget people they've loved? I never understood it, although there have been times I wish I knew how to do it. But not too often, and not for too long. Love... love is too precious to forget.

-- Mal

[malthaussen]

7. This one I always associated with her

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As soon as it came out in 1974, I said "That's Alene."

She poured out love like a fountain, but feared to get too close. And she most certainly could have laughed at me, but never did.

-- Mal

[rug]

8. Good song, Mal.

You could be laughing at me, you've got the right
But you go on smiling so clear and so bright

You've had to hide sometimes but now you're all right
And it's good to see your smiling face tonight

Sorry you heard the news late.

[malthaussen]

11. Yeah, that last quatrain is killer.

I was reading comments at yt when I posted it, and one person said he thought the last "stanza" was the worst part of the song. Well, that's why we have horse races.

I'm sorry too. She had been living in another state for many years and had a whole new set of friends. She would have gotten a kick out of me showing up and them all saying "Who is this guy?"

But -- of course -- I would rather that I could have seen her smiling face once more.

-- Mal

[freshwest]

4. I'm glad you got to spend what time you had. Remember those days with gladness. Tears in my eyes.

[malthaussen]

6. No other way to remember them, Freshwest.

Just a year of our lives, really, but I know we enriched each other. Funny how that works out.

-- Mal

[nolabear]

9. I'm so sorry for your loss.

It's not too personal. It's just right. She sounds like a helluva woman, and you not too bad yourself.

[malthaussen]

10. And she would have replied, "Aww."

And smiled. She was. Pour moi... aww.

-- Mal

[Bertha Venation]

12. Mal, I'm sorry you've lost your Alene.

My best wishes to you.

[malthaussen]

14. Thanks, Bertha

Death is part of life, and life is an exercise in denial. Until you can't deny it anymore.

-- Mal

[tk2kewl]

13. may her memory continue to support you throughout your life

peace

[malthaussen]

15. Thank you, tk2kewl.

Maybe beyond life, too. Who knows?

-- Mal

[tk2kewl]

16. Certainly not me

But we can all hope for something better; it can certainly help us through tough times.

[kimi]

17. Not too personal at all

In fact, thank you for sharing.

I think it helps us all sometimes to hear about things like this - although please understand that I'm not in any way minimizing your sad loss. But it's a reminder that there are people in our lives who have made deep impacts, & it might behoove us to catch up with them before they're gone, & we can't see them smile again.

I'm so very sorry. And again, thank you. Yes, that secret does need to be learned over & over, doesn't it? Peace.

[malthaussen]

19. Yes, James Taylor understood that well

Sometimes the tides of life bear us apart, and we can't do much more to stem the tide than old Canute.

-- Mal

[Kali]

18. I'm sorry for your loss.

Not too personal at all - this sort of thing is the "other side" of the lounge and very appropriate.

I have some regrets in a similar vein, but over all the people I have loved and the times surrounding them balance out on the positive. She is obviously a part of who you are and that seems to be a good thing for you.