Dead Party skit... (Monty Python homage)
The sketch:
A customer enters a political party office.
Inquiring Person/Donor: 'Ello, I wish to register a complaint.
GOP party rep: We're closin' for lunch.
Inquiring Person: Never mind that, my lad. I wish to complain about this candidate what I endorsed not half an hour ago from this very boutique.
GOP party rep: Oh yes, the, uh, the Rabid Moron...What's,uh...What's wrong with it?
Inquiring Person: I'll tell you what's wrong with it, my lad. 'E's dead, that's what's wrong with it!
GOP party rep: No, no, 'e's uh,...he's resting.
Inquiring Person: Look, matey, I know a dead candidate when I see one, and I'm looking at one right now.
GOP party rep:No no he's not dead, he's, he's restin'! Remarkable candidate, the Rabid Moron, idn'it, ay? Beautiful racism!
Inquiring Person: The racism don't enter into it. It's stone dead.
GOP party rep:Nononono, no, no! 'E's resting!
Inquiring Person: All right then, if he's restin', I'll wake him up! (shouting at the cage) 'Ello, Mister Rabid Moron! I've got a lovely fresh minority for you to hate on if you show...
(GOP party rep hits the cage)
GOP party rep: There, he moved!
Inquiring Person: No, he didn't, that was you hitting the cage!
GOP party rep: I never!!
Inquiring Person:Yes, you did!
GOP party rep: I never, never did anything...
Inquiring Person: (yelling and hitting the cage repeatedly) 'ELLO POLLY!!!!! Testing! Testing! Testing! Testing! This is your nine o'clock alarm call!
(Takes deceased candidate doll out of the cage and thumps its head on the counter. Throws it up in the air and watches it plummet to the floor.)
Inquiring Person: Now that's what I call a dead party.
GOP party rep: No, no.....No, it's stunned!
Inquiring Person: STUNNED?!?
GOP party rep: Yeah! You stunned him, just as he was wakin' up! Rabid Morons stun easily, major.
Inquiring Person: Um...now look...now look, mate, I've definitely 'ad enough of this. That candidate and its entire party is definitely deceased, and when I endorsed it not 'alf an hour ago, you assured me that its total lack of movement was due to it bein' tired and shagged out following a prolonged debate.
GOP party rep: Well, he's...he's, ah...probably pining for the Fords.
Inquiring Person: PININ' for the FORDS?!?!?!? The GERALD FORDS?!?!?!?!? What kind of talk is that?, look, why did he fall flat on his back the moment I got 'im into a debate today?
GOP party rep: The Rabid Moron prefers keepin' on it's back! Remarkable candidate, id'nit, squire? Lovely racism!
Inquiring Person: Look, I took the liberty of examining that candidate when I got it home, and I discovered the only reason that it had been sitting on its sopabox in the first place was that it had been NAILED there.
(pause)
GOP party rep: Well, o'course it was nailed there! If I hadn't nailed that candidate down, it would have nuzzled up to those bars, bent 'em apart with its beak, and.... VOOM! Feeweeweewee!
Inquiring Person: "VOOM"?!? Mate, this party wouldn't "voom" if you put four million volts through it! It's bleedin' demised!
GOP party rep: No no! It's pining!
Inquiring Person: It's not pinin'! It's passed on! This party is no more! It has ceased to be! It's expired and gone to meet It's maker! It's a stiff! Bereft of life, it rests in peace! If you hadn't nailed it to the perch 'e'd be pushing up the daisies! 'Is metabolic processes are now 'istory! It's off the twig! It's kicked the bucket, It's shuffled off 'is mortal coil, run down the curtain and joined the bleedin' choir invisible!! THIS IS AN EX-PARTY!!!
(pause)
GOP party rep: Well, I'd better replace it, then. (he takes a quick peek behind the counter) Sorry squire, I've had a look 'round the back of the shop, and uh, we're right out of opposition parties.
Inquiring Person: I see. I see, I get the picture.
GOP party rep: (pause) I got a libertarian.
(pause)
Inquiring Person: Pray, does it use reason?
GOP party rep:No, no ... not really.
Inquiring Person: 
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