The DU Lounge
Related: Culture Forums, Support ForumsHeard any good but corny jokes lately?
Q) What kind of bee produces milk?
A) Boo Bees
brush
(53,787 posts)Guy dies and goes to heaven. St. Peter meets him at the gates and the guy sees this tremendous wall of analog clocks, with hands.
He asks what the clocks are for. St. Peter tells him they are "lie" clocks and everyone has one. Whenever they lie the hands move. St Peter points out Mother Teresa's clock and says the hands have never moved. He also points to George Washington's clock which only moved once.
The guy asks, since we're talking about presidents, where's trump's clock?
St. Peter says, "Oh that one, Jesus keeps it in his office as a ceiling fan."
sl8
(13,787 posts)They fought , 2021
cayugafalls
(5,641 posts)I asked for coffee.
redstatebluegirl
(12,265 posts)The Names Bond
Ionic Bond
Taken, Not Shared
ChazII
(6,205 posts)North Shore Chicago
(3,316 posts)A condescending con descending.
yankeepants
(1,979 posts)Orrex
(63,215 posts)She'd be Ella Vader.
red dog 1
(27,817 posts)Practice!
red dog 1
(27,817 posts)Nacho cheese
red dog 1
(27,817 posts)A mushroom
yankeepants
(1,979 posts)and as soon as I got him home he made a bolt for the door.
red dog 1
(27,817 posts)An investigator.
red dog 1
(27,817 posts)Oh, snap!
red dog 1
(27,817 posts)Ten-tickles
red dog 1
(27,817 posts)Because then it would be a foot.
red dog 1
(27,817 posts)A) "You're too young to smoke!"
red dog 1
(27,817 posts)A) a frisbee
maxrandb
(15,334 posts)she asked; "what can I do to make this dress look sexier?"
I replied; "give it to your sister".
red dog 1
(27,817 posts)(Good one)
MatthewHatesTrump2
(915 posts)Just for the halibut
red dog 1
(27,817 posts)A buccaneer.
Marthe48
(16,975 posts)went to his class halloween party dressed as a pirate. His teacher greeted him and said, "Where are your buccaneers?"
And Little Johnny says, "Under my buccanhat!"
red dog 1
(27,817 posts)red dog 1
(27,817 posts)Because they love them with all their art.
red dog 1
(27,817 posts)A) To raise some dough
red dog 1
(27,817 posts)The starfish
Harker
(14,024 posts)And it's always here at DU.
Thanks for adding value to my habitually wasting my time, Red.
You're the top!
red dog 1
(27,817 posts)A) Well armed.
red dog 1
(27,817 posts)Too many cheetahs
Wawannabe
(5,661 posts)tRump
Tom Brady
...
red dog 1
(27,817 posts)Because he was a little shellfish.
Ohiya
(2,234 posts)Because of the sand which is there.
red dog 1
(27,817 posts)Bellhop
red dog 1
(27,817 posts)because he was always lost at C
red dog 1
(27,817 posts)At the quack of dawn.
Mr.Bill
(24,303 posts)who had a game scheduled with their main rival team on Saturday. This rival team had a fantastic pitcher who would be pitching that day. His name was Mel Famy So the team concocted a plan. They would take Famy out drinking on Friday night, and get him so drunk on beers that he would be hung over for the game.
Well, it worked. His pitching was terrible and he had no control. He walked 12 batters during that game and lost badly. The guys who took him out drinking still say "Those were the beers that made Mel Famy walk us".
red dog 1
(27,817 posts)"Want a piece of me?"
red dog 1
(27,817 posts)A receding hare line.
red dog 1
(27,817 posts)Push him down a mountain.
MatthewHatesTrump2
(915 posts)He'll stop at nothing to avoid them.
red dog 1
(27,817 posts)then it hit me.
mopinko
(70,127 posts)in there sleevies.
my former FIL was polish. he must have known 1000 polish jokes.
MatthewHatesTrump2
(915 posts)To see a butterfly
red dog 1
(27,817 posts)Bison
red dog 1
(27,817 posts)red dog 1
(27,817 posts)In case he got a hole-in-one
eppur_se_muova
(36,269 posts)Sooner or later, the conversation turned to their obvious injuries.
"I lost this foot to a British cannonball", said the first, tapping his wooden leg.
"I lost this hand to a cutlass while boarding a merchantman", said the second, holding up his iron hook.
They drank in silence for a while, until one could no longer resist the temptation to ask, "So what happened to your eye?"
"Oh, that. A seagull pooped on it."
"I wouldn't have thought what would have caused you to lose it."
"Oh, it wouldn't have -- but at the time, I hadn't gotten used to having a hook."
red dog 1
(27,817 posts)"Pop" Corn
Orrex
(63,215 posts)Orrex
(63,215 posts)Orrex
(63,215 posts)Orrex
(63,215 posts)Orrex
(63,215 posts)Orrex
(63,215 posts)Last edited Mon Nov 9, 2020, 01:00 AM - Edit history (1)
tblue37
(65,403 posts)I thought that was a wonderfully layered label!
Orrex
(63,215 posts)Oh, wait. That's a cornet joke.
Orrex
(63,215 posts)Orrex
(63,215 posts)Orrex
(63,215 posts)Whoops. That's a coroner joke.
Orrex
(63,215 posts)Her name was Iris.
red dog 1
(27,817 posts)Push him down a mountain.
friendly_iconoclast
(15,333 posts)A: I don't know, and I don't care...
red dog 1
(27,817 posts)Namaste
red dog 1
(27,817 posts)"You're under a vest"
Progressive Jones
(6,011 posts)red dog 1
(27,817 posts)Gummy Bear
LaelthsDaughter
(150 posts)About a week ago my husband tried to unlatch our daughter's car seat with one hand and said, "How do one armed mothers do it?" Without missing a beat I replied, 'Single handedly.'"
Not mine, but its very funny!
red dog 1
(27,817 posts)Cattle-logs
red dog 1
(27,817 posts)Because he was good at bacon.
red dog 1
(27,817 posts)Lawsuits
red dog 1
(27,817 posts)Because it's pointless.
red dog 1
(27,817 posts)(I had to pull a few strings)
red dog 1
(27,817 posts)A) He was caught in a viscous cycle.
red dog 1
(27,817 posts)"Son, this is gonna' hurt me more than it hurts you"
First Speaker
(4,858 posts)Uncle Ben's Perverted Rice...
red dog 1
(27,817 posts)Ground beef
tblue37
(65,403 posts)Mom broke out the pup's favorite treat and crooned to her, "Come to me, my melon collie baby."
red dog 1
(27,817 posts)He knew a shortcut
red dog 1
(27,817 posts)Because he was on a roll
red dog 1
(27,817 posts)Just for the halibut.
red dog 1
(27,817 posts)Because there was a 13-year-old girl walking on the other side.
(Not "corny" but...)
red dog 1
(27,817 posts)A) "I just love Baskin' robins"
red dog 1
(27,817 posts)"You look flushed!"