This is not easy.

[Star-Thrower]

not that most anything is. That being said the whole of us, we US citizens are struggling through just to get through the day and sometimes just to get through an hour. It is overwhelming, to me at least.
I'm prety independent and can live for days with only my self and reading the internet and reading a book. I'm an optimist. There is always, most always that the sunny side is up and the dark clouds are dispersed.
This is good, though while I lie in bed thoughts of my mortality interferes. I think of Star Trek and the Klingon "A Good Day to Die" My dream sequences take me to a maze of doors, rooms and offices that which I have never wandered through. Enough of that. I become bored.
I have so many chores, laundry, dishes, put away winter clothes, iron summer shirts, weed wack garden...yet I want to climb into bed in a fetal position. It works for while yet I grip to a lifeline, who? No one. I must do this myself. Daunting. But what, I ask, is the alternative?

[Laffy Kat]

1. You are not alone, Dear Star-Thrower.

[hunter]

2. Maybe kill your television.

My wife and I did that a long time ago.

Life seems much less stressful without cable or broadcast television. I read all my news. I can avoid all the stuff I can't do anything about, the stuff that only stresses me out.

Our television plays DVDs and Netflix. That's pretty much all it does, just commercial-free movies and television series we enjoy.

I'm reading a lot more during these strange times.

My "reconditioned" electronic paper e-book cost $50. It's one of my favorite electronic devices. I can read it anywhere I'd read a paperback book. I usually keep it filled a month or two ahead of reading, for much less than a cable television subscription would cost.

We've also got dogs. They seem to be enjoying life immensely now that we're not leaving them at home alone or at the kennel so often. They don't mind the kennel, and have friends there, but really they'd rather sleep with us.

I'm missing visiting family, going out to the movies, and hanging out in the library.

My wife is a health care professional and she fears she'll bring this virus home with her, which is why we are not visiting family, most especially those who are older than us. I'm past sixty, have some health issues, and I don't want to get this virus, much less pass it on to anyone.

[Star-Thrower]

6. I got rid of

Direct tv about 5 years ago when they wanted 65 bucks a month. I pulled the plug and started getting dvds my public library. I have a dog and I couldn't imagine not having one. Endlessly entertaining. Play time and romps. He's a little mixed breed long haired chihuahua. I've never been without a dog since high school. Hope you and your wife and fur babies are ok and stay ok!

[I_UndergroundPanther]

3. Star thrower

I too am alone,but at least on DU neither of us are totally alone.

[Star-Thrower]

7. Good sharing as we

are all in this mess together! Cheers!

[Maraya1969]

4. Do you think that a DU zoom meeting would work? I go to a few meetings during the week and they

truly save my ass but they are all run by someone and regimented, so to speak but with people that I know.

I wonder what would happen if I got a Zoom account and opened it up?

Do you think that is an idea? Well, of course it is an idea but is it a good idea?

And I don't trust myself to run it. I'd rather someone else did.

[Star-Thrower]

8. Great idea perhaps

someone will take the reins and get it to the finish line.

[LuckyCharms]

5. I enjoyed reading your post.

The only way I cope with all of this is to keep moving, sometimes to the point of abusing my almost 62 year old body. I attack my chores until they are done, because if I sit still and take a few moments to think about things, I tend to panic. I also suffer from major depression in addition to anxiety, so I understand exactly what you are saying about wanting to curl up into the fetal position.

I had a weird situation today that freaked me out big time. I had a tooth pulled a few days ago, and I'm taking opiates for the pain, and the pills are doing weird things to my head. I kind of zoned out or dosed off or whatever while at my computer today...went into kind of a semi-conscious state for a couple of seconds, and mentally started calling for my father who died 50 years ago. I'm still wigged out about that...

These are bad times. I'm very sarcastic, so normally I would say something like "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger, then it kills you".

Hang in there, do the right things, and we'll come out of this on the other side relatively soon, I hope.

[Star-Thrower]

10. It must be the stress of everything going on in our country I

have been having the most bizarre dreams about my mother to the point I'm talking in my sleep and it seems so freaking real! My mother died when I was 18. I had an emergency appendectomy about 5 yrs. ago. The gave me a script opiates but I couldn't tolerate them. I puked them up and flushed the rest down the toilet. Actually I didn't have any pain post surgery. None. In fact I was in the hospital for less than 13 hours after which I demanded to be realeased, lol, because I had to get back home to take care of my 2 dogs at the time.. For some reason I had put them both in the bathroom and amazingly they did not go potty for all that time!

[lillypaddle]

13. Or my old standby

Life's a bitch and then you die.

[The Velveteen Ocelot]

9. You're not alone. Or yes, you are, and so are a lot of us.

And it sucks. I've had sort of the same reaction - I'm sitting around all alone, not doing much about the many household projects that need doing, doom-surfing* the Internet, watching obscure Netflix shows in Icelandic, watching the fur grow back on my cat who got a lion cut in June, and wondering what the hell happens next. I'm trying to remind myself that it could be a lot worse, but it does suck hard enough to bend light.




*The practice of compulsively searching the Internet for all the terrible things that are happening, like slowing down to look at a bad car crash because you can't help staring at it.

[Star-Thrower]

11. So true

chores ignored, I'm like not wanting to do adult stuff and looking for any diversion to avoid the "adult" stuff. We are never going to get out of this with no national plan to control this virus.

[lillypaddle]

12. Believe me

you are not alone. Not that that is much consolation. But I hear you.

[lillypaddle]

14. Got this in my email this morning

from a 45+ yearlong friend:

"Surprise! Still alive & well, despite the mask-rejecting local yokel Okies trying to kill me with stupid. This week I'm planning to nail a 2x4 across the door and load up the 12 gauge. Actually, the self quarantine thing plays right into my hermit-like lifestyle. hoping you're doing alright. Happy August. July wasn't. OK then. Time for my evening Xanax-strawberry shake. Happy daze."

That was it. Not much to say when you live alone and are retired - and have grave health issues. Point of sharing this is truly we are all in very similar boats.