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Related: Culture Forums, Support ForumsFriday night margarita buzz - ask me anything
I feel terribly guilty about enjoying any of this time in quarantine while hundreds of thousands of people are losing their livelihoods, their homes - even their very lives. Its why I havent spent a single day of the past two weeks in my studio making any art. It feels disrespectful to those in much worse shape than I am to view any part of this as a vacation, or funtime. I spent the first 10 days sleeping, or curled up in front of the tv in a trembling ball of depression, nursing a back thats gone out, knotted up in a painful ball of tension and anxiety. But - its goddamn Friday night, and Im having a goddamn strawberry margarita, and Im gonna goddamn fuckin LIKE it. 😁
MontanaMama
(23,322 posts)Sounds lovely.
pnwest
(3,266 posts)The Velveteen Ocelot
(115,732 posts)I'm safe at home and I feel guilty because I don't have to go out. I don't mind being home alone but I wish I could do something useful instead of just holing up and saving my own sorry ass. An awful lot of people have to out and expose themselves to the virus, not just health care workers (who are the heroes of this disaster), but all the delivery people and others who are making it possible for me to hide out for as long as I have to. I haven't been drinking because liquor is not on my diet, but I am thinking of taking it up. It's tempting to just stay drunk for the next few months.
pnwest
(3,266 posts)I do get back to the real world, Ill be just that much more sluggish, take me longer to re-acclimate to life.
chillfactor
(7,576 posts)but a friend brought me my favorite red wine......hope it helps me sleep tonight. I thank God I am still virus free. He sat the wine on the front porch and I went out to get it. Distancing from my favorite friends is heart-breaking! but i am elderly and disabled so no one wants me to get sick and vice versa.
pnwest
(3,266 posts)Aristus
(66,381 posts)Hope you're enjoying your buzz.
You don't need to apologize for 'enjoying' yourself right now. We're all trying to cope. You're not the only using alcohol to do so, either.
pnwest
(3,266 posts)Response to pnwest (Original post)
Aristus This message was self-deleted by its author.
yonder
(9,666 posts)pnwest
(3,266 posts)not sure whats up there...
Aristus
(66,381 posts)posted it as a reply to yours. Had to delete it...
bubbazero
(296 posts)Your situation maybe solitary, but certainly not unique. Your "guilt" may come from an admirable source, but let your soul shine through. I am fulltime caretaker--solitary caretaker--for elderly wheelchair bound mother. 24/7--I get to the farm when I can--as much for my sanity--(I know that's dumb, to love broken machinery, dirt, and physical labor--but it's MY LIFE) Right now, as has been the case for 3 years--and will be the case long after COVID is a distant memory--there are things more important too me then just me. But mom's the best example--retired nurse--50 yrs as nurse--25+ as head nurse of clinic--wants so bad to go help--but as we both say, "the best thing she can do to help is to stay healthy and not take up a hospital bed" If you can CREATE, you can INSPIRE---ART IS BEAUTY-- even this dumb redneck knows that. Create if you can, give it as a form of therapy for yourself and others if you can. My late father taught us during the depression, people still found ways to laugh, to smile, to feel joy, and to finally feel resilient. That doesn't come from sadness, but rather from joy, love, and our fellow humanity. These all lead to HOPE, that is always ultimately our strength. (Saw me thru the 80's farm crises as many neighbors went broke--we got BADLY bent but managed to get thru) your ability to find joy, which is as contagious as any emotion--even more so then any virus (think of people laughing with complete strangers) will be sorely needed in the weeks and months ahead--may I ask of you to practice now (after the booze of course) for your sake and ours--"a chain which is 1 link short of the length needed is useless no matter how strong the links are. The chain must be long enough and ALL the links must hold" GOOD LUCK TO YOU!
pnwest
(3,266 posts)issue is a matter of not feeling like I deserve. I would be a prime candidate for survivors guilt if I were ever to be in a plane crash. I feel guilt when I see a homeless man and I have a home. I feel guilt when I see someone in a wheelchair and my two legs work just fine. I feel guilt that I am lucky enough to be ok during these times, when so many others are not. How did I get so lucky? I didnt do anything to deserve being in an ok situation, just pure dumb luck. Why do I deserve to be so lucky? I see so many who are less fortunate and I think there, but for the grace of God - and then I think, no, it is not Gods whims of grace that someone be in a wheelchair and Im not - its just pure dumb luck, and I feel guilty that Ive just randomly won the luck of the draw. I dont deserve good fortune any more than someone else, and I just feel awful and guilty and selfish.