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Related: Culture Forums, Support ForumsDo you recall any jokes that one of your teachers told?
In my first semester in college, I remember the Health Education teacher once saying this:
"At 20, the most important thing to a man is a good lay.
At 40, the most important thing is a good steak.
At 60, the most important thing is a good bowl movement."
lastlib
(23,323 posts)a compound we had to identify: a combination of a flouride, a propyl compound, an ether, and four human stick figures. The answer? A "Flouride-Propyl People Ether"!
empedocles
(15,751 posts)TlalocW
(15,392 posts)Asked us if we wanted to see his Elvis impersonation. When we said yes, he laid on the floor on his back and crossed his arms over his chest.
Apparently college health educators are all jokesters. The one at my university wrote his own "textbook." It was only about 30 to 40 pages, and on a page that talked about common health misconceptions he had listed, "Eating the hearts of your fallen enemies will not imbue you with their strength."
TlalocW
empedocles
(15,751 posts)students in on time.
'A once very wealthy, respected corporate executive, was caught red-handed for a number of serious wrongdoings. Lost his career, divorcing wife was taking his remaining assets, he was out on bail. The executive was on a high bridge desperately trying to commit suicide by jumping off the bridge, when an old lady, dressed in black head to toe, walked up to him, surprising the exec.
The lady introduced herself as a witch, who said she could solve his problems if he did as she wished. The tormented exec desperately agreed, and went to a hotel room with the woman, and performed quite extensively, to the witches extensive, sexual commands. When they finished, and were dressing the witch moved to the door. The exec demanded, 'witch, your promise?'
The witch replied as she left, 'Sonny, aren't you a little old to believe in witches?'
[Good trick by that star professor]
surrealAmerican
(11,365 posts)... explaining leaves, introduced a new term to us: stomata.
He knew he could count on a kid to ask, "what's stomata?"
... "What's stomata with you?"
red dog 1
(27,875 posts)Last edited Tue Mar 31, 2020, 09:00 PM - Edit history (1)
FuzzyRabbit
(1,970 posts)"At 20, the most important thing to a man is a good lay.
At 40, the most important thing is a good steak.
At 60, the most important thing is a good bowl movement."
This isn't a joke.
red dog 1
(27,875 posts)FuzzyRabbit
(1,970 posts)Response to red dog 1 (Original post)
geralmar This message was self-deleted by its author.
jmowreader
(50,567 posts)Sven Svenson was livin' in Sweden in 1939 when he decided the Nazis were a bad thing and needed to be stopped. Unfortunately for Sven, his own country was neutral so he went to England, joined the RAF, learned to fly a Spitfire and shot down 42 enemy fighters. He returned to his hometown as Sweden's greatest fighter ace.
About twenty years later, he was sittin' in church on a sunny Sunday when the minister started talkin' about the need for heroes. "And Sweden's greatest hero is with us here today. That's Sven Svenson, Sweden's Greatest Fighter Ace! Sven, how about you come up here and tell us all about your greatest battle?" He rose to loud applause.
"Ja, I was a flyin' along one day in my Spitfire when I looked through the canopy. I saw fokkers comin' from the left and fokkers comin' from the right and so many fokkers all around me I knew I was done for sure!"
The whole church went silent, aghast at such language being used in front of the Lord.
The minister jumped up. "No! No! You don't understand. Fokkers are one of the planes the Nazis used!"
Sven gave the preacher a dirty look. "These fokkers were flyin' Messerschmitts!"
Codeine
(25,586 posts)with the tale of his first sexual experience in the backseat of his car deep in the woods. It was a scary place, made all the more so by the fact that he was by himself.
red dog 1
(27,875 posts)Last edited Tue Mar 31, 2020, 08:59 PM - Edit history (1)
csziggy
(34,139 posts)It was all good natured and he did not mean it in a mean way but it totally back fired on him. I don't remember the exact sentence but he made a comment about something being paramount to me. He knew I owned two horses and that was his intention to joke about them.
Unfortunately, I had developed quite significantly by then and the boys in the class thought he was talking about a couple of my physical attributes that were, umm, prominent. They cracked up completely - and then the poor teacher realized the double entendre he ad inadvertently made. He turned beet red and was very embarrassed.
After class he took me aside to apologize. I guess he was lucky that I found both the pun and the double entendre funny.