Perhaps we should start listing viable alternatives to toilet paper. Allow me to start with......

[Siwsan]

[NoMoreRepugs]

1. More of a mobile commode.

[C_U_L8R]

2. The magats have been hoarding portapotties too.

Why? I really don't want to know.

[lastlib]

14. "Trump Dumps"

[Me.]

3. He's Clogged Up Our Lives, Now You Want Him To Do The Same To Our Toilets?

[Siwsan]

4. Well, you can always just grab the garden hose and "power wash" it!

Of course, that's another alternative to TP, albeit with a little less power in that wash.

[dewsgirl]

5. Someone yesterday suggested a CVS reciept.

[zanana1]

20. That would last for at least a month.

[dewsgirl]

21. My purse used to magically fill will then constantly...🤣

[5X]

6. If you see a red tie hanging below the stall wall...

[Peregrine Took]

7. I was thinking of this last night as we didn't "stock up" on tp....

then my husband said when he was a student in England in the '60's they always used newspapers.

After reading them they would tear them up into little strips. Everybody did it then.

Hmmm....doesn't sound too sanitary and would block toilets I suspect.

[Siwsan]

8. I remember the toilet paper, in England, when I first visited in the early 70's

It was almost like a thin, brown wrapping paper! At one public building, I saw some that actually had 'Now please throw away' printed on it!!

[Cirque du So-What]

9. I'm OK wirh corn cobs

or mismatched socks.

[MLAA]

27. Lol on the socks!

[Cirque du So-What]

29. What?!?

This is a serious thread. I’m serious.

[MLAA]

30. I'm serious too, the single socks were seriously funny 😬

[Grasswire2]

10. My staunch New England ancestors...

...used strips of old toweling, I am told, each family member hung theirs on a towel rack and they were laundered every several days. We thought it creepy when we heard about it.

[WePurrsevere]

11. Just don't flush them down after use...

That nasty non-profit biodegradable stuff belongs in the trash, not toilet.

Oh and I was taught in Girl Scouts (and DH in Boy Scouts) that certain types of leaves can be used instead of TP. Just make very sure you follow the "leaves of 3, leave them be" rule. That's the last place you want poison ivy, etc touching.

[dixiegrrrrl]

12. Down here in poison ivy land,

we have found the occasional 4 leaved ones.

Clever lil buggers.

[WePurrsevere]

13. Yikes! That would be like a reverse 4-leaf clover...

with very unlucky results.

[dixiegrrrrl]

15. It grows among all the real ivy in the yard, too.

Smart lil bugger.

I got attacked just once, lightly, and found putting Vicks Vapo rub, the mentholated stuff, on it stops all pain/ itch, and dries it out, fast healing. Of course a bandage or wrap over the vicks....

Which is a handy discovery because we have fire ants. It works great on those bites, keeps the blister from forming.

[WePurrsevere]

18. So glad you discovered that menthol can work too....

I caught Fifths (similar to chicken pox if you're unfamiliar) from my darling grands and discovered that the only thing that soothed that horrid itching were products with a good bit of menthol in them like Mentholatum and Vicks. I went through jars of the stuff but thank goodness it worked and far better than any other anti-itch stuff.

I've always had Mentholatum around since it helps relieve some of my allergy symptoms and chapped lips but hadn't thought to use it on itchy spots until than. Now we use it on itchy bites and burning stings (incl stinging nettle), etc too.

We don't have fire ants this far north (yet) but I've filed it away now for use on those buggers if we get bit visiting friends or family down south. I'd heard those things are demon spawn if you have a run in with them so nice to know something helps, thanks!

[dixiegrrrrl]

24. Just to be clear

You have to apply it several times a day if you can't bandage the area. Bandages are changed, with more ointment, am and pm.

[WePurrsevere]

25. Yes, I did the same...

I was a nurse before I became to disabled eons ago and still normally tend to err on the side of caution.

[LuckyCharms]

16. Butt plugs.

[Nac Mac Feegle]

17. This sort of question popped up on Stonekettles' twitter today

The answer was:

Two words:

Lawn-sprinkler bidet.

Personally, I'd recommend oscillating.

[Generic Brad]

19. Gloves!

[KY_EnviroGuy]

22. May I suggest the Kentucky standard....

We get them shipped in from Iowa every month.........

Much cheaper than newspaper.

[Trailrider1951]

23. Who needs TP? If you have one of these, it's easy to keep clean

Simply sit on the side of the tub and hang your backside over the tub. Take the shower head down from the bracket, adjust flow/temperature, and have at it. Helps to have a towel handy.

[tonedevil]

26. I think it would be a way...

to put copies of The Fountainhead and Atlas Shrugged to their highest and best use.

[defacto7]

28. 1 dollar bills will eventually work once the scalpers start selling.

[NNadir]

31. Nah. As much as my asshole would like to be provided with asshole accessories...

...I really don't want it contaminated.

It's actually quite a critical organ, which has prevented me, from some extent, from being full of shit.

[bluestarone]

33. What ever we choose, we have to remember to put in yellow envelope and

Mail to the tRUMP family!!