Ok where do I sign up for the Viking Vampire House Cleaning Services? ** True Blood Spoilers **

[LynneSin]

Season #5 finally started and it looks like it's going to be a good season. There was alot of WIN in last night's episode a few pokes at 'really not this shit again' stuff too. True Blood is good when they stick with stuff related to the main core of characters which is Sookie, Bill, Eric, Jason, Sam and Tara but when they start making storylines based on secondary characters well you just get kinda bored.

TOP SUPERNATURALS LAST NIGHT - Vampires with Pam winning Best Vampire last night.
Let's face it - we all saw it coming when season #4 ended and Tara was lying in a pool of her blood with her brains scattered around Sookie's kitchen. The writers of True Blood have spent 4 seasons finding new ways to make Tara's life a living hell with the drunk mother and Maenad possessed boyfriend and a psychopathic Vampire holding her hostage. A lesser person would have offed themselves about 2 years ago and yet somehow Tara managed to survive. She almost escaped it all at the end of season #3 when she left town and formed a new identity (and a new sexual preference) but she had to come back when Sookie was found and well it was nothing more than the 'Same Shit Different Day' for Miss Tara.

Knowing how much Tara HATES Vampires - she's been raped and abused by them and even let down by them when supposedly they were dating her best friend, you'd think the last think that Tara would ever want to be is a Vampire. But with her breath dying down and the chances of survival slim to none, it was her cousin Lafayette that came up with the solution. Luckily for Sookie and Lafayette - Pam had stopped by Sookie's place in hopes to find a way back into Eric's good graces (She pissed him off last year when she fired a missile into the building where Sookie was being held captive). After a bit of negotiations with Pam it was decided that Pam would turn Tara into a Vampire in order that Tara could be saved. Such irony not just that Tara was being turned into something she despised BUT that she is being turned by the one woman who would love nothing more than to suck her dry - Pam. Pam still was pissed at Tara for being a part of the witches that cast the rotting spell on her face and NO ONE messes with Pam's looks.

Speaking of Pam, I about pissed myself when Miss High Couture Pam was reduced to wearing a yellow sweatsuit from Wal-mart. What's worse is that the sweatsuit had kittens on it. Since turning people to vampires require being buried in the dirt, Pam wasn't about to ruin an expensive outfit so she borrowed something from Sookie. I can't even imagine Sookie wearing an all-yellow sweatsuit with kittens on it; even Sookie is a better dresser than that. I suspect that someone ages ago gave her that outfit as a gift and even she found it hideous but figured it was perfect for snooty Pam to wear.

Now, for those of you who have not read the books, the Tara line reminds me a little bit about Bubba. Bubba was this dimwitted vampire who was hired to protect Sookie from time to time. The joke about Bubba was his very strong resemblance to Elvis Presley. However the problem with Bubba was that when he was turned something went wrong. Rumor has it that a vampire working the morgue where Presley's body was taken saw that there was still a bit of life left in Elvis so the vampire turned him. But because Elvis was so messed up with all the drugs and whatnot, something didn't work out right and Elvis, now called Bubba turned out to be a bit of a vampire freak. He didn't act like normal vampires and he preferred cat blood over human blood. Alan Ball wanted to include Bubba in True Blood but I read where there was some licensing issues involved using Elvis Presley name and thus Bubba never made it out of the book and into the TV series.

The reason I brought up Bubba is this - Here is Tara with half her brain blown away being turned into a vampire. My guess is something is going to go wrong with Tara. First, she's now Pam's prodigy which means she will probably inherit some of Pam's mean streak. But I'm guessing because of the Brain Damage she may turn out alot differently than normal vampires and from what I've seen - perhaps she may be a bit psychotic herself. This could be interesting.

BEST NEW VAMPIRE - STEVE NEWLIN
One of the reasons that Alan Ball decided to develop the True Blood series is because he saw alot of similarities between the True Blood storyline and the RL struggles of the LBGT community. Steve Newlin was basically a composition of all the wretched high-profile anti-gay pastors out there and Ball created a great storyline where Jason had gotten involved with The Fellowship of the Sun, Newlin's anti-vampire organization that was to be the front line of the war between Humans and Vampires. I loved watching the Newlins, they were such campy fun with Steve and his crazed anti-vampire attitude and his hot blonde wife Sarah. I knew halfway thru the Newlin storyline that probably both of the Newlins had a mega crush on Jason Stackhouse but ultimately it was Sarah that slept with him. I'm guessing back then along with being anti-vampire, Steve Newlin was just like any other high profile preacher and was anti-gay but closeted homosexual too.

Fast forward to the end of season #4. Jason thought it was Jessica returning for more hot sex so naked Jason went to answer the door and there was Steve Newlin. But what really shocked us was that Newlin was sporting a set of fangs too. Someone in the vampire world thought it would be a hoot to turn Steve Newlin into something that he hated - a vampire.

So in Season #5 we picked up where we left off - Steve Newlin at Jason's door (where Jason was standing buck naked). Jason tried his best to not look Newlin in the eyes because he knew if he did vampires could glamor him. But Newlin, well trained in the art of giving a real sob story, lied to Jason about how someone turned him and then abandoned him plus that he never learned to glamor anyone. Since Jason isn't the bright bulb on the tree, he glanced directly at Newlin and next thing you know Jason was letting Newlin in and Newlin was duct taping his mouth. Steve definitely new how to glamor.

I think the funniest part of the event was when Steve confessed what most of us suspected - Newlin told Jason 'I'm a gay vampire preacher' and confessed his love to Jason. You have to admit Jason tried his best to let Steve down - even told him that was the nicest way anyone has ever told me they loved me but I don't bark up that tree. Fortunately for Jason, as soon as Steve tried to bite him Jessica sensed his fear and came to rescue the day.

Speaking of Jessica, our baby Vampire has come along way since being turned. With Daddy out of the house (Bill), Jessica has been sowing her wild oats. I loved how she claimed she was the Queen since Bill was away and she felt she was in charge. And I loved how she had all those college kids over to the house. Even though Jason and Jessica are both trying to play this relationship kinda cool you could tell that each of them felt jealous when the other was trying to hook up with some college student.

BEST BROMANCE OF SEASON #5 - BILL AND ERIC
Having gone against the authority and killing Nan Flanigan, you knew that Eric and Bill would have to answer to the Authority - that mystery group of vampires that we've heard about many times but never seen. I loved it when Bill was talking to Jessica, in the background you could see Eric cleaning up the mess left by Nan Flanigan - all I have to ask is this - WHERE DO I HIRE A HOUSECLEANER THAT WORKS AS FAST AS ERIC NORTHMAN. You'd think a room splatted with the blood of a dead vampire would take weeks to clean but Eric was polishing that mess off in minutes. Too bad Sookie didn't have him available to clean up the Tara/Debbie Pelt mess.

And you knew that this was going to be serious with the Authority because they both sensed Sookies fear when across the cemetary Sookie was dealing with V-addicted werewolf Debbie Pelt who was firing a shotgun at Sookie (blowing off part of Tara's brains - see above). Eric was the first to think 'Fuck Sookie' but Bill still felt obliged to rescue her yet again except this time the Authority was outside waiting for them with silver nets. Next thing we have is Eric and Bill spooning in the trunk of a car working together to find a way out (nice teamwork finding a way to blow-up the car so they could escape).

After the pair managed to get out of the trunk, Bill was seriously injured and suggested that Eric run while he can but Eric, building on this new bromance between the two of them, said he would only go with Bill and helped him recover. Of course that delay gave a chance for the other 2 vampires driving the car to stop them except it turns out one of the captors was Eric's sister Nora (they had the same maker - Godric). Well it seems that Vampire Siblings have a different way of greeting each other. Normally if that was my brother I'd just give him a big hug and say 'Glad to see you again'. But Eric and Nora greeted each other by essentially having the corniest make-out session ever on True Blood (they slo-motioned it just a bit to add to the campiness). Seems that Nora is highup in the Authority but she was a member of a growing number of vampires hoping to overturn the Authority. So even though she couldn't let on to anyone she was Eric's sister she was doing her part to help him out.

The 3 went to ground in a semi-trailer but the next night Eric and Nora picked up where they left off - fucking like a bunch of horny teenagers while Bill had to wait outside for them to finish. I know I was laughing my ass off. But it also shows who probably is more sincere about their love with Sookie - Bill wanted to rescue her when Sookie was being threatened by Debbie AND Bill did not engage in sex while Eric did. I suspect that in the end it will be Bill and Sookie forever. But not without a few more seasons of interruptions.

ALSO AROUND BON TEMP
Nice continuation of the Were and Shifters. This is one of the non-Vampire storylines I actually enjoy PROVIDED that there isn't a Mickens anywhere in site (fortunately they were all killed off in season #4). Sam showed us why he's such a great guy not only by protecting Alcide, the person who ultimately did kill Marcus, but then turning himself in when he realized that they would go after Luna and Emma if he didn't tell the Weres where Marcus was buried. Seems Werewolves have a very odd way of paying respect to their deceased packleaders by um eating the dead body. We got to meet Martha Bozman, Marcus' mother who looks like a real piece of work. And we started off a great storyline with the Weres & Shifters. Luna, wanting to save Sam, went to Alcide and told him what was happening. Marcus went to the pack and told them he was the killer of Marcus. Now to some of the Weres - you kill a pack leader that makes you the pack leader, which is in someways how regular wolves work - Alpha dogs will fight each other to show who is the leader of the pack and many time the losing dog ends up getting killed. After Alcide confessed to Marcus's killing, half the pack kneeled down to pay their respect to whom they considered was the new pack leader - Alcide. Afterall he killed the last pack leader exerting his Alpha Dog status. But you can be rest assured that Mama Bozman, with her tummy filled with the innards of her dead son, will have something to say about who is to take over as the Shreveport Pack leader. Good storyline!

Seems Sheriff Andy got himself busy between seasons. We finally met Holly's kids, home from a weekend hunting with Holly's ex. It was funny to see Sheriff Andy butt naked in bed with Holly - the kids were a bit shocked too. I like that Andy could be getting a love interest and of course Holly looks like she could end up in the backburner since her group, the witches, were pretty much snuffed out last season. And don't forget about Andy's romp last season with the Fairy. So this storyline is wide open - let's hope it's a good one!

Finally we didn't see anything of Russell but we know he's alive. I'm guessing that was his body that they were feeding with that human that was drug into a room. From some of the previews we see Pam claiming it wasn't her that dug out Russell. My guess is that Russell has another prodigy out there (other than Talbot) who was able to track down Russell and rescue him. THIS is a storyline I can't wait to see explored!

FINALLY - CAN'T THESE PEOPLE GO AWAY?

Gratefully we got rid of last years boring & annoying group - the werepanthers of Hot Shots. However we're still stuck with Terry and Arlene. These 2 were really meant to be a supporting cast of the 'people around town' of Bon Temps. But somehow they were elevated to their own storyline and I've yet to find anything interesting about this pair. From what I gathered it turned out that the fire started at Terry & Arlene's place wasn't done by the ghost Mavis (she was only there to save her baby, not killed the family) and it seems that a group of people who served together in Iraq and did something awful that the secret will be dragged out for weeks on end all had similar things happen to their homes - they were also burned to the ground. This new guy, Terry's friend who name escapes me because I'm already bored by him, seems to bring out Terry's PTSD and well honestly after that I just don't care about the storyline. Anyhow, perhaps if I give this storyline a chance someone will tell me 'I told you so' but I'm not holding my breath on this one. The Arlene/Terry storyline is Cable's version of the Commercial Break - those few minutes break in your favorite show that gives you time to run to the bathroom and return without missing anything important.

Until next week - and I'd love to hear your thoughts

[Liberal Veteran]

1. Bill and Eric? Don't you mean Marcellus and Ike?

Weremom was kinda cool, until she ate her son.

[LynneSin]

2. Weremom Martha reminded me of two great Melissa Leo characters

Last edited Tue Jun 12, 2012, 10:25 AM - Edit history (1)

Oscar winning Melissa Leo tends to be cast in roles where she plays tough gritty moms. She won the Oscar for her role of Mark Wahlberg/Christian Bale's mother in "The Fighter" but she was also really good as the mother/wife of the Westboro Baptist like group in "Red State". The woman that played Martha Bozeman even looked like Melissa Leo.

She was played by Dale Dickey (I had to look her up - she really was pretty good last night). Dale Dickey has a career similiar to Melissa Leo where she plays alot of 'White Trash Mom' roles. One of her best roles was playing Earl's mom in "My Name is Earl" and I also remember she had a funny episode of "Weeds" where she played that corny neighbor at the Trailer Park witht he psychotic son. And she had a pretty big part of "Winter's Bone". I'm guessing her and Melissa Leo compete for alot of the same roles but since Leo has the Oscar they usually go with her first.

[nolabear]

4. She has that "trashy meth user" look. Thank goodness she knows how to use it!

It must be the jaw. There's a look, you know? Must be interesting to be cast that way but she's good.

[LynneSin]

7. I'll say this much - I love Martha Bozeman and I think the storyline is gonna be good.

Last year the Were-Shifters were kinda on the line between good and bad storyline. The Weres had their day to shine in season #3 when they were part of the Russell Edgington storyline but last year kinda of ended up backburner because of the Witches and Were-Panthers. Honestly, I think it was Marcus Bozeman that saved the storyline last year and I was sad to see him gone. The Were storyline for this year is one of the few that come out of the books - a fight for the new Pack leader of the Shreveport pack. But I'm sure Alan Ball will find a way to make the storyline unique for the TV show.

The behavior of the pack last night after they found out Alcide killed Marcus was very similar to what we'd find with RL wolves - that was good writing by the True Blood team. But I would suspect that Martha Bozeman isn't going to let Alcide take over the pack that easily. Like any good Melissa Leo role where she plays the mother, you know she's going to be a real force to be reckoned with and since they couldn't get Leo to do the part they got Dale Dickey who also does a great possessive, protective mother.

The sad thing though about this storyline is you wonder where Sam and Luna will play in all of this. Now that Sam is off the hook for the death of Marcus, he really doesn't have much of a storyline left except running the bar. Sam & Luna are shifters and not always welcomed into the Pack although I could see Alcide staying friendly with them. Sam did try to protect Alcide

[Liberal Veteran]

8. I'm so glad they dropped the werepanthers though.

That whole storyline went nowhere.

[LynneSin]

11. It could have been a good storyline but the True Blood writers ruined it.

From what I've read about the books, Calvin Norris (the elder of the group) was a part of the storyline throughout most of the books. He had also once proposed to Sookie because he felt they were both freaks and he felt he could best protect her (although Calvin never actually romanced Sookie - it was more like a business deal). Instead he got killed off pretty quickly. Then with the whole Gang Bang of Jason was just freaky bad. Anymore when I watch those episodes I just fast forward them or take a kitchen break.

I don't think we'll see the last of the werepanthars though. He could bring one or all of the back since there is a chance that one of them could have gotten pregnant by Jason during that gang-bang scene. I would hope the writers have seen the feedback in the True Blood forums that the werepanthers were very unpopular with True Blood viewers so if he brings any back it's just one of them. It could add a nice hurdle for Jessica & Jason if they finally got together and found out that he did get someone pregnant. Could you see Jessica being a step-mom to a baby werepanther?

[Liberal Veteran]

5. Yeah, she was great. One wonders if Alcide has to eat Debby?

Lafayette was good when he was stopping Sookie from spilling the beans about Debby, but doesn't he think Alcide might get a little suspicious when Debby doesn't come home?

[LynneSin]

9. Even if Debbie was alive she can't come home. Alcide abjured her

http://trueblood.wikia.com/wiki/Abjuration

Abjuration is something that Weres do and Alcide had abjured Debbie when he found her with Marcus in their (Alcide & Debbie) bedroom.

[Liberal Veteran]

10. Oh, yeah. I forgot about that.

Thanks for the reminder. Good riddance to Debbie Pelt.

[Divameow77]

14. Dale Dickey

actually played the part of the town hooker Patty.

[nolabear]

3. Nice summation! I'm so glad it's back.

And Bill and Eric...YUM. Can we assume Eric's "sister" is a sister by virtue of being turned by Goderic? And what, oh what, of the disappearing Jesus?

I had the same thought about Tara being a kind of Bubba, but I'll bet not. She's too fierce as a person for them to make her dumb. But I'm glad she, presumably, won't be everybody's victim any more.

And Steve Newlin...lol! Of course.

I hope something interesting comes of Terry's fire storyline. I thought the baby had started the thing.

I abandoned the books after, well, I read quite a few of them, but Alan Ball left the plot lines long ago. I've loved Pam and Russell and (be stillmah heart) Alcide, and their development, but other than Steve and that crazy mofo who kept Tara captive haven't particularly liked any of the "We're just here to be the bad guy" characters like the mynad (sp?), Marnie, whatsisface the werewolf leader. But the core characters still rock.

[LynneSin]

6. I brought up Bubba not because she's going to be dumb...

but that she isn't going to be normal. I couldn't see Tara being a dumbass - that's something you'd never associate with the likes of Tara Thorton. But what I saw of Tara she just had a super mean psychotic look to her and she seemed devoid of any humanity. So the Bubba analogy was simply that because Bubba/Tara was damaged when turned that once vampire they weren't normal. That's about it.

I actually haven't read beyond book #4. I really didn't like the book because they were 99% about Sookie. Remember I came to the series first before the books. Obviously when Alan Ball turned the books into a series he had to flesh out more characters to fill-up the hour. Plus there is no way he can do all 13 books (the number of books auther Charlaine Harris says she'll write on the series). So I figured somewhere along season #4 or #5 that the books would pretty much be tossed to the wayside and the series would be their own storyline.

[avebury]

12. I hate the way that Pam is portrayed in the show.

Bell has turned Pam into a self-centered bit**. In the books Sookie and Pam actually develop a friendship of sorts and Pam appreciates it when Sookie gives Eric a hard time. Also, in the books. Pam acts as Eric's 2nd in command in a more calm and focused manner. In the show, Pam is portrayed as a whacked out obsessed vampire who is about to lose control if anything messes with her relationship with Eric. I prefer the witty and more focused & in control Pam that is portrayed in the books.

[LynneSin]

13. Remember that the Series isn't mirroring the books word for word

In a way I think Sookie and Pam are friends but perhaps more like Frenemies. I think Pam did start out more like what was in the book but Kristen Bauer took Pam to a new level. If you recall it wasn't until season #3 that Bauer even got her name listed in the opening credits - Pam was really meant to be more like a tertiary character we'd see a few minutes here or there but never really a part of the storyline. Kinda like Jane Boathouse or Kevin, that goofy guy that works at the Sheriff's office. Kristen Bauer and Nelsan Ellis (Lafayette) are both people who were giving these minor characters but thru their skills at portraying their characters they both managed to be major players in the True Blood series.

Vampire Pam is alot like what you described provided 2 things - no one messes with her relationship with Eric and no one messes with her looks.

[RiffRandell]

15. Really great summary, Lynne.

I'm glad the werepanthers are gone as well. I'm eager to see how Tara turns out. That was very cool of Sam to try and protect Alcide---he is such a good guy; one of my favorite characters.

I agree Sookie will ultimately end up with Bill. How many more seasons are there?

[LynneSin]

16. Typical HBO show lasts 5-7 seasons

True Blood producers are very lucky that Anna Paquin got pregnant when she did because her pregnancy will not disrupt the regular cycle of True Blood seasons. The baby is due sometime this fall (father is co-star Stephen Moyers who plays Bill) which means Anna will have a few months to get back into Sookie shape and have her hair dyed blonde again (Anna is a natural brunette and normally pregnant women shouldn't dye their hair during pregnancy).

I just look at 'Sex and the City' and I think that Sarah Jessica Parker's pregnancy was kinda the turning point from when SATC was really good to when it was definitely winding down. Sarah's Carrie was always in strappy, tight sexy outfits and they spent season #5 trying to hide her and Cythnia Nixon's pregnancy (Miranda). Fortunately Miranda had just had a baby on the show so they explained Cynthia Nixon's weight gain as Miranda's baby weight. But they had to cut the season short and cover up Carrie to hide her pregnancy. Season #5 was not very good and Season #6 you knew it was time to end the TV Series.

So I don't know if Anna & Stephen planned their pregnancy so it would happen between seasons or everyone just lucked out at True Blood.

The biggest issue with True Blood is that technically Vampires do not age. Since the show is only 4 years old so far the Actors playing Vampires haven't aged that much but I'm thinking it's going to be about 2-3 more seasons left in the show. How long will depend on what kind of show we get next year, which will be the first year that Alan Ball is not lead writer/producer of the show (he's working on a new series and turning True Blood over to others on the team).

[RiffRandell]

18. You are quite the TB expert!

I know all about Anna being married to Stephen and the pregnancy (I get People and US weekly) but didn't know Alan Ball wasn't going to be the lead anymore.

On an unrelated lame note, the latest issue of People I got last Friday has the pics of Jessica Simpson's baby in it that they got paid 850 grand for. Zero interest, although I wonder if she gave any cash to charity which is what Brangelina did.

[siligut]

17. What an episode, and such a great summary, like watching it all over again, thank you

Maybe I was missing it more than I realized, but this first episode seemed explosive. Just all good parts, no filler. Every character was amplified and better looking than last season; can you believe Ryan Kwanten's legs? And Deborah Ann Woll just shines right out of the screen.

You were so right about Tara, good call and such a smart move. I am excited to see her able to use her physicality this season, she looks kinetic in the previews, just like you would expect from a vampire. Gonna love Pam/Tara interactions, I just know it.

Yippee! Lafayette is strong again, even if it was partly put-on the keep Sookie from spilling her guts to Alcide.