Your grandkid asks you, "Grandpa/ma, where do people go when they die?"

[raccoon]

What do you say?

(Hypothetical question: I don't have grands. or even kids.)

[HopeHoops]

1. Newark, NJ

[Turbineguy]

2. In that case

on the Third Day they rise.

[HopeHoops]

6. Hey, if kids come from a stork or under a cabbage plant, what's wrong with going to Joisey?

A lot of the time all a kid needs is an answer. I forget the specific question, but when my eldest was very young she asked me a question about physics and I gave her the full-blown answer in college course vocabulary. She paused for a moment and said, "yeah" - and her tone was one of "okay, you got the answer right". I had the hardest time not exploding in laughter.

[Throckmorton]

20. You let the secret out

Now everyone will want to go there.

[HopeHoops]

22. Have you been there? The only more disfunctional airport is National, at that's saying something.

I'll be quite happy if I never set foot within 100 miles of the place ever again. Note: I had to go through Newark on business for a while. My general impression was that everywhere I drove I was in danger of being drugged, murdered, have my car stolen, and then raped. Perhaps there are decent areas, but I certainly didn't encounter any.

[Chan790]

27. You weren't expecting anything better from National were you?

It used to be a much nicer airport until they renamed it after Ronald Reagan.

Part of me wants to return the favor by renaming the DC water-treatment plant at Blue Plains after Richard Nixon because it smells like a cesspool and the pretzel concessionary on the National Mall outside the Smithsonian after George W. Bush.

[HopeHoops]

40. Actually I haven't flown in or out of National since before it was renamed.

It's hard to imagine how it could be less functional than it was then. It seems like the planes touch down within inches of the water and baggage handling is a royal clusterfuck. The only good part about it is the view of DC when you land at night. The building height restriction in DC makes for an incredible visual experience.

Then there's O'Hare and L.A. airports, both of which seem larger than the entire state of Rhode Island. They both ALSO manage to arrange connecting flights so that you have to walk from end to the other no matter what airline you are using.

[Chan790]

41. Never been to O'Hare, once missed a flight at Midway...

because because I was given about 10 minutes to get from gate 42 in one terminal to gate 26 in another terminal.

It was made more awkward because I was traveling a female coworker who has a natural habit of coming across as awkward and embarrassed even when she's not, one of those people who blushes for no good reason. We'd left CT at about 3am so we were both disheveled and I don't even remember what exactly she said but the ticket agent is eyeballing me because he's got the notion in his head that we missed the flight because we were too busy having some sort of tryst in the airport.

[Digit]

53. When younger, my friends and I would park by the runway at National and

When younger, my friends and I would park by the runway at National and stretch out on our backs while lying on
the tops of our cars. This was right by the water and it almost felt like the landing gear would touch us as the planes
flew over.

[HopeHoops]

56. That's the only airport where I even considered the need for the floatation seats.

It really looks like you're going to have a water landing. The only airport I know of that is worse in that respect is Botany Bay - they built a damn berm into the bay for the runway!!!

[Throckmorton]

43. Yes, Liberty Airport.

It took me 2 hours to get out of the parking lots, I was orbiting.

[KamaAina]

46. No, Denver

'cause there's 101 things to do there when you're dead.

[HopeHoops]

47. Never been there and never been dead. I'm at a loss on both counts.

[KamaAina]

48. That was a movie title from a few years ago

I'm going later in the month. If I happen to meet any dead people, I'll fill you in.

[HopeHoops]

50. Well, I've SEEN dead people, but they were actually that - dead people.

[Scuba]

3. Same place they were before they were born.

[HarveyDarkey]

9. One of my favorite Mark Twain quotes

I was dead for millions of years before I was born and it never inconvenienced me a bit.
-- Mark Twain (attributed: source unknown)

[zbdent]

4. I say ...

"Who the hell are you???"

I have no kids, either ... hypothetical or otherwise ...

"GET OFF MY LAWN!"

(40 years in the future: "GET OFF MY LAN!&quot

[HopeHoops]

23. I just randomly yell that at cars that are driving too fast through the neighborhood.

I need a cane now so I figure I've got the "old fart" rights.

[Duer 157099]

5. Depends on the age of the child

If they are 10, ask them where the 5-year-old version of themself went? Adjust as appropriate.

If necessary, explain the turnover of cells in the body, how the individual cells die yet the whole person remains. Extrapolate that lesson to whatever you want to teach about death.

[raccoon]

7. Great answer. nt

[pipi_k]

8. I think I would

ask them a question back...

"Where do YOU think they go?"

Then see where that takes the discussion...

[elleng]

11. Reminds me of a record Dad gave me, as a kid.

'Where does the moon come from?' was the question the little girl asked, and her Dad asked, where do you think?'

I MAY recall her response; could take me a while, as its 60+ years ago. Thanks for the memory.


She MAY have answered, 'It grows back, like flowers.'

[pipi_k]

24. Oh, and that reminds me of something too...

Little Johnny asked his dad, "Where did I come from?"

So his dad, embarrassed as hell, tries his best to do the whole birds and bees thing.

At the end, Little Johnny thinks a minute and says, "Oh. Billy's dad said he came from Chicago".

[elleng]

25. Yup, KIDS GET IT!

[surrealAmerican]

31. That's a lot like the children's book ...

... Many Moons, by James Thurber:

"Tell me, princess lenore," he said mournfully, "how can the moon be shining in the sky
when it is hanging on a golden chain around your neck?"

The princess looked at him and laughed. "that is easy, silly, " she said. "when I lose a
tooth, a new one grows in its place, doesn't it?"

"Of course," said the court jester. "And when the unicorn loses his horn in the forest,
a new one grows in the middle of his forehead."

"That is right," said the princess. "And when the Royal Gardener cuts the flowers in the
garden, other flowers come back to take their place."

"I should have thought of that," said the court jester, "for it is the same way with the
daylight."

"And it is the same way with the moon," said princess Lenore. "I guess it is the same
way with everything." Her voice became very low and faded away, and the court jester saw
that she was asleep. Gently he tucked the covers around the sleeping princess.

[elleng]

34. OH YES, 'that is easy silly!'

Dad must have found either a Thurber recording or one that used this!

THANK YOU, surreal!

[raccoon]

39. I'll have to re-read that! nt

[handmade34]

10. almost as challenging as

when my young son asked me years ago what "oral sex" was...

[dawg]

42. It means talkin' about it.

Right?

[JonLP24]

12. Well

Since I honestly have no clue myself I'll probably just say, "I don't know".

But I don't have kids either.

[dropkickpa]

13. My kid asked me this at 3 when my grampa died

I told her "In the dirt, or a fire to be cremated". She thought the burying part was gross.

[LynneSin]

14. I asked my grandparents why one frog was humping on top of another frog

[WillParkinson]

17. What was their answer?

I've often wondered that myself.

[LynneSin]

19. mind my own business

I had very practical grandparents

[WillParkinson]

21. Mind my own business? :(

Well I'm sorry I asked.

[JoePhilly]

33. The correct answer ...

The one on the bottom is sick, and the other is pushing him to the hospital.

We were at a zoo once where that had some of the giant land turtles. These things were as big as dump truck tires.

Anyway, so one of them is climbing on the back of the other ... my kids asked, "what are they doing" ... I looked at the low wall around their enclosure and said "I think they are trying to escape".

That answer bought me about 5 years.

[Taverner]

15. "...they don't go to heaven where the angels fly..."

"...They go to a lake of fire and fry, won't see 'em again till the fourth of joo-ly!"

[Hayabusa]

18. Good answer

And there was this lady from Minnesota that I once knew that got bit by a rabid dog. Needless to say, she died before her time.

[REP]

29. Yay, Meatpuppets!

[ZombieHorde]

16. "Ask your parents." nt

[rug]

26. Not where they should.

[applegrove]

28. My sister was driving by a hospital with her two sons, 4 and 7. The older one asked what the

helicopter pad was for. The little one piped up and said "that's how you get the dead people up to heaven".

[MrSlayer]

30. Hell.

Might as well get them ready early.

[name not needed]

32. Florida

[Silver Swan]

38. Yes

In our family, we always say, he/she went to Florida, as a euphemism for dying.

(This generally is used in the case of dead pets, not humans.)

[A HERETIC I AM]

52. Florida: Gods waiting room. n/t

[edbermac]

35. Heaven...where it's always Christmas

[sakabatou]

36. Back to the Earth from where star stuff made the planet.

[cynatnite]

37. I recite the circle of life speech from Lion King. n/t

[pokerfan]

44. I died as a mineral and became a plant...

[center]I died as a mineral and became a plant,

I died as plant and rose to animal,

I died as animal and I was Man.

Why should I fear? When was I less by dying?[/center]

[datasuspect]

45. they dissolve into the earth.

[Bucky]

49. I take the child on a field trip to the Soylent Green factory

"Granma will always be a part of us."

[Burma Jones]

51. Actually, a few years back, my then 6 year old son asked me just that, I replied

"Why, are they bothering you?"

[UrbScotty]

54. Heaven (nt)

[Kaleva]

55. Have them watch "The Sixth Sense". That movie will explain everything.