I'm not sure where the hell I read this...

[LuckyCharms]

but in my internet travels, I read that some doctor said that as human beings, we are all wiping our asses incorrectly.

1) We are not to use wet wipes.

2) We are to use a gentle "patting" motion, rather than a wiping motion.

I just wanted to let you all know that I tried the doctor's advice, and it's not working out real well for me.

Fuck you, doctor.

[Mike 03]

1. Sure it wasn't Dr. Howard Stern?

He used to spend an inordinate amount of time on this subject. He was also a proponent of patting.

[LuckyCharms]

2. No, it appeared to be someone in the medical field.

Stern really "patted"?

That explains a few things.

[mindem]

3. I floor scoot

like my dog.

[LuckyCharms]

4. I do too! But I like to sprinkle some broken glass on the floor first...

and then scoot.

It makes me feel alive.

[Fla Dem]

5. To avoid any confusion, there are directions for that.......................

https://www.howtowipeyourbutt.com/

How To Wipe Your Butt
When it comes to universal human activities, nothing is more overlooked than post-defecation clean up. But does everyone perform this common behavior the same way? Of course not. So surely some techniques are more effective than others. Here you will find a simple method that will keep your anus fresh, clean, and happy every day.

Be sure you have completed your bowel movement prior to wiping commencement. This spares you unnecessary repetition of the procedure.

Choice of toilet paper is critical. Being eco-friendly and choosing post-consumer products is honorable, though it may be rough (literally) on your delicate areas.

Basic tissue is also a fine choice and may be best for those of us on a budget.

For the ultimate in bathroom wiping luxury, a soft tissue with aloe and vitamin e is the only choice.

More with illustrations!
https://www.howtowipeyourbutt.com/