Hoo-boy: from the "unhinged job ads" files

[Recursion]

I'm freelancing remotely while I wait for the French bureaucracy to grind its way through my work permit, and I ran across this gem on Guru.com (a big site for remote freelance jobs).

Headline: We REQUIRE the 'KickStarter' type Website

Budget: $2500 (edit to add: HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA! )

Text:

OK...PLEASE READ THOROUGHLY BEFORE YOU APPLY

1.) You will NOT be considered if you and your Team are NOT available during 0900 - 1700 hrs. EST. We are NOT any longer working with ANYONE or Company unwilling, ...NOT available during USA, Eastern Standard Time. If you apply and we hire you and you are NOT available during the REQUIRED USA time zone, you will NOT be paid! FACT!

2.) You MUST speak English well! We are NOT considering anyone who is not well-qualified to communicate at a high-level in English. We are not repeating things 1000 x in order for you to thoroughly understand. You MUST speak English almost at the level of a Native English Speaker.

3.) You must have more than 5+ year of serious Website development skills. The more years experience you have, the better your chances are of winning our Project.

4.) ZERO interest in WordPress Developers. If your expertise is in WordPress do NOT apply. We are NOT making our Website in WordPress. We REQUIRE the highly-functional Website; WordPress is NOT the platform of choice; NO!

5.) Out of 27 hires, five (5) have been incompetent! Even though, albeit, they ALL delivered poor quality work, we still paid the 5 people, all. Those five people scored us thumbs down. Had we not paid them, we could understand thumbs down. So moving forward, ANY poor quality work extended us, you will NOT be paid, PERIOD! Make certain you understand that core parameter to be considered.

6.) We do NOT use SafePay so don't ask. We pay by Milestones; if that is not satisfactory for you, do NOT apply!

7.) No Indians or Pakistanis at this time. The last five (5) poor performing Freelancers (that gave us unfair BAD REVIEWS) have been Indians and Pakistanis. We are taking a break from those Freelancers at this time. PLEASE do NOT apply as you will NOT be considered. FACT!

We are searching for the highly-skilled TEAM (zero individuals) ...Company that can build the advanced, modern, and state-of-the art, highly-functional Website within a few weeks. Which underlines, TEAMS only; no individual Contributors please.

You MUST be proficient in all of the razor sharp Website building tools and can render the 'User-Friendly' Website that is highly-functional.

If interested and qualified, PLEASE apply. Thank you!

Yeah. I'm gonna bet this is not a good company to work for.

[spooky3]

1. A TEAM that will work several 40 hour WEEKS for $2500? for a company that violates USlabor law?

Where can I sign up?

[Recursion]

3. $2500 *might* be enough to have someone help them write requirements

and a wireframe. If these guys weren't racist dickbags.

[Massacure]

5. If they weren't racist dickbags, $2,500 *might* get them their website.

There are a lot of talented freelance developers in India and the Philippines that might take a cut rate job or two to build out their portfolio. An experience team that will work on east coast time though? Forget about it; $2,500 may pay for about a day of work.

[babylonsister]

2. They sound just awful not to mention discriminatory.

They need a new ad writer.

[wyldwolf]

4. I was a web developer once upon a time. Now it's wordpress all the way for me.