has anyone one here had any experience with a borderline Personality sister, brother, friend?

[rainy]

I have BPD sister and she decided to make me her target from Thanksgiving to Christmas. She told my family lies about me not being supportive of her, that I was this and I was that and she was sooooooooo hurt and such a big victim of me not supporting her in her effort to make all the rest of the family hate on her son because she said he owed her money.

My crime? I told her, because she is so generous and that I remembered mom and dad being so upset with her for GIVING her son and his wive money from an inheritance, that I believed and remembered it being a gift that she gave them. That is the way her son and wife remembered it too.

She beat up on me emotionally and verbally and and made my family believe all her drama and lies to the point that they made comments to me about my "support" of her.

Her poor son tried everything he could to let her know he would pay her back, monthly payments etc.... He has always had to appease her as not to upset her and let the BPD monster out of the box.

He left her when he was in Elementary school to live with his dad.

He says he has suffered so much mental anguish over the toxic relationship over the years.

Anyway I got so sick with emotional abuse and confusion with family reactions that I developed severe anxiety and insomnia.
In addition I had taken a too high amount of b6 which is also toxic and causes insomnia and anxiety so I got the double whammy and was very sick. I lost 12 pounds.
Im in good hands now with a CBT therapist and am almost recovered but it was a hell I wish on no one.

I just learned that my sister had BPD, and the knowledge was so eye opening. After all these years, wish I had know sooner.
Would have saved a lot of suffering

[Polly Hennessey]

1. Take a deep breath, look around you, and know you survived.

You now know and that makes you stronger.

[rainy]

3. Wow what simple beautiful words!

I find them very comforting. Thank you!

[mopinko]

2. you might want to post this here-

https://www.democraticunderground.com/?com=forum&id=1151

you will get support and solid info there.

and yes, it is so very hard.
any mental illness, really, when there is no dx, is so hard to deal w. you are in separate realities, trying to hang on to your own, and understand their's at the same time.

i have raised several kids w mental illnesses, including bpd, and i dont think my heart will ever quite heal from that. i look back at when they were babies, and how i thought it would all turn out, and it is still hard not to cry.

so glad you finally got some info that can help you cope.

[rainy]

4. Thank you for the link and kind words.

I’m sorry that you also suffered ❤️

[csziggy]

5. Yes - my little sister

All during my childhood she would pick at me, both mentally and physically (I still have a pencil lead embedded in my left elbow) until I'd blow up. Then I would get in trouble for yelling at my "sweet" little sister. When I was old enough to drive my parents would go away for weekends. I was allowed to stay home alone but they would farm out my little sister to spend those times with friends or relatives. They knew they could trust me, but that they could not leave the two of us together for any length of time.

As adults I avoided here as much as possible but when our Dad was dying it came to a head. He had an illness in March (2013) and was in and out of the hospital. Little Sis told our older sister that she was keeping me updated with texts. It turns out that she was texting my landline KNOWING that the texts were not going through. Older sister was under the impression that I didn't care about Dad since I never went down to visit or called. - I never fucking KNEW the extent of his illness until after he died.

During his final illness in August of that year Little Sis tried to make it all about her. She and her schizo oldest daughter took over the chairs next to the bed, kept "petting" Dad and disturbing him. Mom, his spouse of over 60 years wes relegated to a chair across the room. One morning when they were not there Mom and I had been talking about how peaceful Dad was. When they came in, they immediately started touching him, waking him, and agitating them. I made a comment about how much quieter he was when he was not being handled and I might as well have set off a bomb. Little Sis and her daughter started screeching and carrying on to the point the nurses came in to interced, then stomped out.

The next day they were there when Mom & I got back to the room after breakfast. Mom went to talk to Little Sis and she literally turned her back on Mom. That pretty much destroyed Mom, between losing her husband and having her baby daughter be so mean to her. That was the day Mom's dementia began.

I went through grief counseling afterwards and it helped a lot. I have not spoken to my sister or her oldest daughter since and never will speak to them again. Her second daughter stopped interacting with her over a decade ago - it turns out that their family had been extremely dysfunctional even before my brother in law died. After her father's death, the second daughter gave up on her mother and will not speak with her again.

Some people are so damaged and damaging it is harmful to be around them - in which case it might be healthier to stay away.

[Fla Dem]

13. That is truly a sad story. I am so sorry you had to go through that misery and heartache.

:

[csziggy]

14. Thank you

I am glad to not have to feel guilty for "upsetting" my little sister. I did for years and it wasn't until the scene in the hospital that I realized that she was looking for a way to be the center of attention. And guess who reminds me of her?

I just wish we could have held things together for five years longer for Mom's sake. I think the stress of losing her husband and that of seeing her daughters having a final falling out was too much for her. While she had a few more good years, she was never the same after that day.

Oh well, life is more peaceful and much happier now.

[Fla Dem]

15. I'm glad you've found peace.

[MosheFeingold]

6. Not BPD

But family members very damaged by the Shoa, such that they were often very irrational.

You just have to distance yourself without being totally estranged.

[Kaleva]

7. Cut that person out of your life.

For your own mental and physical well being. You don't owe her and any other family member that supports her anything.

[samnsara]

8. my sis has a PhD in Psych and Im sure she is...

...im so sorry you have to go through this. Im still carrying around the 10 tabs of lorazepam my dr prescribed to me last year when my two sisters went nutso and called APS on me saying that I physically abused my 93 yr old dad and then bragged to them about it ..????

So i feel so bad for you because i know family problems are the worse. Its everything from broken trust to grieving for a family member who used to be your best friend now they are your enemy.

just concentrate on taking care of yourself now...



(((hugs)))

[rainy]

11. Thank you! You nailed it.

I feel not only did I lose my sister she hates me now and thinks I did something to her. I remember her attacking me in the past and I used to try to tell her that I didn’t do anything to her.

[KY_EnviroGuy]

9. Been exposed to more than my share of drama kings and queens.

They seem to thrive on conflict, social drama and head-spinning emotional events and gossip stories. I've also had normal friends that would make the mistake of engaging them, which then sucks those outsiders into the drama circle. It can be hard to escape at that point because you're now an actor in their drama.

The best trick I found is simply not allowing that type personality drag me into their lines of bullshit and to immediately nip it in the bud. I've had to hang up my phone on a few like that because they would not stop the mania and allow me to speak.

It is a terrible disease that rips at the fabric of our society much like the dogma and lies of right-wing politics.

[rainy]

12. True so sad:(

[rainy]

10. It's been a very difficult path.

I’ve read a lot about the disorder and it’s usually the ones closest to them that get the toxic wrath. I get it that they are sick and need compassion but so do their targets. I didn’t think I could ever heal, the pain was so visceral. I felt like I was being stabbed in the back over and over again and my family was believing everything she told them. So painful😩

Thanks for sharing. It’s cathartic to hear other stories 😊❤️