Have you ever tried to like somebody that you really don't like or trust?

[smirkymonkey]

Because it would be in your best interest to like them? Like a boss?

I have a manager who seems very nice on the outside, but there is just something about him that I don't trust or like. He is a salesman and seems very phony to me and as much as I try to take him on face value on the outside, there is something inside of me screaming at me telling me that he is bad news. I have no proof of anything but it is just an overwhelming instinct that he is not a good person and is not on my side.

I have a review with him in a few weeks and he has only been my manager since August, but I don't know how honest I should be with him. I should probably be very diplomatic, but our company encourages having "honest conversations" and "straight talk" so I am wondering if I should politely tell him that I don't feel like he is being honest with me.

Have any of you ever been in this situation? It would be easier to go along to get along, but it's eating me inside to go on pretending.

[MontanaMama]

1. Whooo boy. I say trust your gut. Always.

Can you visualize telling this guy that you don’t feel like he is being completely honest with you? Can you give him concrete examples? I know companies encourage “honest conversations” but it isn’t always realistic or safe. How often do you have evaluations with this person? Could you skate by on this one and take up some of these issues at your next evaluation after you’ve been able to get to know him better? Don’t ignore your gut instinct, smirkymonkey.

[Chin music]

3. +2

[smirkymonkey]

4. I actually had a conversation w/ the boss I had before him where I was

completely honest and it went really well. Our relationship improved dramatically, but he was the type of person who was open to it. I don't know if this one would be. There have been a lot of complaints about him, especially that he doesn't listen to people. He's not really doing very well in his role so I am just wondering if I should just wait it out until one of us moves on. Thanks for your advice Mountain Mama! I appreciate it!

[gateley]

2. I understand how you feel, but I wouldn't be "honest" unless I was ready to

get another job. I think the result might make the situation even worse.

Good luck!

[smirkymonkey]

5. Thanks! I can't really get a read on him, so I think he might get defensive.

Our company is known for allowing people to speak up to our bosses, but I don't trust this situation. He is just too arrogant.

[gateley]

11. I think that could make almost anybody defensive.

I feel for you, I know it's tough.

[smirkymonkey]

15. Thank you.

I just wish it could be easier. I am at an age where it will not be easy to find a new job, even though I look young.

[gateley]

16. I REALLY get it -- I figure I'm stuck at my current job until they carry me out in a casket. nt

[smirkymonkey]

17. I am hoping for the same thing.

I really don't want to be out there pounding the pavement again at my age. I am at the top of my salary range and I don't know if I can ever get hired making this much money or get such good benefits again. I guess I should just keep my mouth shut and suck it up.

[gateley]

18. I had a boss I loathed --

I started just treating him like a friend and I'll be damned if we didn't become friends! I don't know how it happened and everybody else still loathed him, but I actually ended up liking him. He's just a poor schmo like the rest of us trying to keep on keeping on. Treat him like you would like to be treated, maybe?

You'll figure it out.

[smirkymonkey]

19. Thanks! I really am trying to see the best in him.

That is why it's such a struggle. I always give him the benefit of the doubt and I will keep on doing that. I hope things will turn around.

I don't know why I feel the way I do. Just instinct, I guess. But I am open to the fact that I could be wrong.

Thanks and have a good night!

[Nay]

22. You can be superficially friendly with this guy, but you don't have to hand over your life to

him.

Montana Mama is correct when she says 'go with your gut feeling' as it's probably right. There's a blog called "ask a manager" where you can discuss (and read others' experiences) about how honest you should be when opening up to your boss. The takeaway is usually "for God's sake, don't spill your guts at work."

[msongs]

6. avoid open ended conversation that leads to more involvement. just the facts etc nt

[smirkymonkey]

8. Yes, above all, I need to avoid getting emotional.

I think I can. He's really just a terrible manager unless you are an alpha male. Although, I can't really bring that up. He just won't give the time of day to anyone but his pets. I am not the only frustrated one on the team.

[MaryMagdaline]

7. How badly do you need your job?

I hated being a suck up but I hated the thought of losing my job even more. I’m one of the owners now but still have to suck up to clients. It’s hard but I don’t have enough yet to retire. So ... sucking up for now.

[smirkymonkey]

9. I need it and it's a good job, but there might be other opportunities elsewhere in the company

coming up in the next 6 months. I can hold out for a while. It's not that horrible, it's just that it is really uncomfortable for me to have to put on an act. I have a lot of years in so that means a lot of vacation, profit sharing, seniority, etc. I would really hate to give it up. I guess nothing stays the same forever. He's not doing well, so you never know what can happen.

[MaryMagdaline]

10. Wishing you the best. Bad bosses can eat us up

[smirkymonkey]

13. Thank you!

He is kind of stressing me out, but there are many other people ahead of me on his shit list, so I am not too worried for the near future. I don't think I am really on his radar right now.

[fierywoman]

12. Trust your gut/ don't threaten your own livelihood.

[smirkymonkey]

14. Thanks. I think I am going to just lay low for now and suck it up.

I don't want to lose this job and I will go along to get along as long as it is tolerable.

[fierywoman]

20. My experience with trying to like someone I initially distrusted and/or didn't really like

is that: my intuition was A-L-W-A-Y-S right. Always. Endings were always unmitigated disasters.
(You could always deal with him by putting up an imaginary mirror between you and him, so everything he threw at you just reflected back to him!)
Peace, dear, peace.

[smirkymonkey]

21. Thank you. That is my instinct.

I know I am right about him but I have to play the game right now to keep my job. I appreciate your advice.

[RobinA]

23. If Your Company Encouraged You

to jump off a bridge, would you do it??? Being honest at work, about work, is a fool's errand. If you don't want the job or have one foot out the door FOR SURE, be honest. Other than that, suck it up. Honesty is for your personal life. Going along to get along is for work.